Relivin’ La Vida Loca

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“I didn’t fuck my cat. I didn’t cum on my cat. I didn’t put my dick anywhere near my cat. I’ve never done anything weird with my cats” – Shane Dawson

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* Sleeping with Chico!

* Jamming with Charles and Rihanna!

* PLUS: Who’s the Sloppybottomus?

>> Alternative acts <<

A really gruesome twosome

Why does CNN keep giving so much airtime to bullshit virtuoso Kellyanne Conway?
Our best guess has always been that it’s something to do with the fact that the President of CNN is Jeff Zucker: the former head of NBC Entertainment who made his name by signing Trump to do The Apprentice and Celebrity Apprentice; a man who has always been primarily driven by ratings and spectacle.
But office gossip at CNN’s New York studios suggests there might be an even more compelling reason. The hot topic among staff there this last week (which is now spreading to other newsrooms)?
That she and Chris Cuomo have been getting very sweet on one another.

Bros have turned down an advert for Snickers. (Matt was supposedly up for it; Luke felt it didn’t align with his healthy living values…)

>> Taxing times <<

The real Ms Kelly?

Everyone’s having a good laugh at how famed character actress Lorraine Kelly has managed to put one over on the taxman, getting a £1.2m tax bill waived by claiming that she doesn’t appear on TV as herself but as her cheery, upbeat alter ego “Lorraine Kelly”.
It might seem like a farcical claim, but production staff on Lorraine have borne witness to it.
Three years ago, when the Brussels bombings story broke, the decision was made to cut from her show and return to Good Morning Britain to follow the developing event. Lorraine was in the middle of talking about nail varnish at the time the call was made. She was incandescent with rage after the handover, taking the switch-back to GMB as a huge personal snub and threatening to resign over the slight.
Suffice to say, she wasn’t in character for that bit.

There have been 26 official members of the band Rednex over the years, which is more than So Solid Crew and Blazin’ Squad combined.

>> Big Questions <<

Who’s asking what this week?

Which former teen popstar needs to tidy up his act a bit? One recent hook-up describes him as being a “sloppybottomus”.

Don’t be caught unprepared for the end of this month! No, not Brexit. Mother’s Day is rapidly approaching on March 31st! Arena Flowers, the UK’s #1 ethical florist is offering 15% off their beautiful Mother’s Day flowers with the code popbitch.

[Order now at Arena Flowers]

>> Potter-more <<

Fluent in parseltonguing

JK Rowling catches a lot of flak for giving unnecessary running commentaries of her work – but she’s not the only one. A core member of the Harry Potter cast has a similar habit in the bedroom.
He likes to narrate his entire routine to the lucky ladies he seduces, even when the circumstances must make it incredibly tricky. Among the lines he’s been known to utter are: “I’m so deep inside you right now,” and (impressively) “I am rimming you so deep.”

Some good news for global-facing British consumers in the event of No Deal Brexit: opium prices are down 39% in the Afghan poppy fields.

>> Relivin’ la vida loca <<

Happy 20th, Ricky Martin!

This weekend marks 20 years since Ricky Martin’s breakout hit, Livin’ La Vida Loca, was released.
It took Ricky a lot of takes to get it right. During the recording sessions, his concentration would drift and he kept requesting breaks to leave the studio to make phone calls outside. Songwriter Desmond Child eventually flipped and told Ricky that he wasn’t allowed to leave the booth until he’d nailed his vocal. Ricky soon started complaining that he needed to have a wee but Child didn’t relent. So Ricky had to improvise by relieving himself in an Evian bottle that was lying around the studio.
When the vocal was finally done, one of the sound technicians thought he’d play a joke on Ricky by going and getting a beer, pouring it into a different Evian bottle and then, when Ricky was watching him, start drinking it.
Poor Ricky absolutely freaked out.

A young Ricky Martin idolised John Travolta so much that he asked his mum to buy him a child-sized white polyester disco suit. She refused, telling him Puerto Rico was “too hot for polyester”.

>> Like a prayer <<

It’s Sleep-o Time!

Joining Robert de Niro, Karl Lagerfeld and Danny Glover on our growing list of celebrity narcoleptics: this week, Chico.
A few years ago, Chico was filming a short walk-on appearance for a BBC panel show but ended up causing a mild delay to production when the crew member sent over to call for him found him sat on the sofa in the middle of a bustling dressing room, seemingly deep in prayer.
Initially afraid to disturb him because of the set of rosary beads he had clasped in his hands, it became clear after ten minutes of motionlessness that he had probably dozed off. They gave him a little nudge to rouse him – whereupon Chico immediately sprang into life and made his way to set, alert and ready to film.

No sign of Matt Bacon on the credits of this year’s series of Great British Menu. In his place though, Victoria Onions and Kellie-Jo Licorish.

>> Golden dawn <<

The sound of the ‘poulos

Kicked off practically every internet platform and now banned from Australia: where now for alt-right posterboy and Tori Amos plagiariser, Milo Yiannopoulos?
Where else but… gospel music.
Milo’s debut single was released on iTunes on Tuesday: a cover of ‘Silver And Gold’ – a 90s spiritual song all about how he much prefers the love of Jesus to any worldly riches.
Which is lucky for him, because he’s currently reported to be about $2 million dollars in debt.
[See it on YouTube, if you really must]

SHOREDITCH OFFICE SHARE. Street Feast is looking to share their sunny EC2A office. Ideally with one or two other new media SMEs – design/web/film/PR/tech etc. 6-12 desks + meeting rooms, snazzy carpets and a big fridge. Contact matt@londonunion.com for more details.

[See it here]

>> Tickety boo <<

Producers making it rain

If you’ve bought tickets to the national tour of Rain Man in the hopes of seeing Paul Nicholls (aka Joe Wicks off of EastEnders) you’re not going to.
Nicholls’ understudy has taken his place every night on the tour so far and there are currently no plans to have him appear on stage in the foreseeable future – yet his name remains attached to the production.
A cynical ploy to use the national star power of Nicholls’ name to drum up ticket sales even though they know he won’t be appearing? Almost certainly. Although given producer Bill Kenwright’s notorious stinginess, it’s also possible that he just didn’t want to fork out the necessary cash to update the website.

Tomorrow (Friday 22nd) marks the tenth anniversary of Jade Goody’s ascension wiv da angles.

>> Pass the Duchy <<

Rihanna and Charles are jammin’

Prince Charles outed himself as a Rihanna fan in Barbados this week and we can’t say we’re at all surprised. The timing works out perfectly.
The Prince Of Wales has long been suspected to be a bit of a blazer on the sly, and is also a surprising reggae buff. His favourite record of all time is Sugar Minott’s version of Good Thing Going, and he made a point of chatting to Aswad at a Prince’s Trust concert about Bunny Wailer.
So it’s probably no coincidence that he’d suddenly taking a big interest in Rihanna while she’s recording a new reggae record.

The UK is the world’s largest importer of halloumi, accounting for 6% of Cyprus’s total trade.

>> Freudian blip <<

Mother of all stories

More than a decade on, Paul Danan has finally broken his silence about the infamous “MAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING NOISE, PRESTON!” incident, where he was fired from his job in the local pantomime after screaming obscenities at the shoppers at the Preston Centre Christmas Lights Switch-On.
In his brand new podcast, Danan confirms most of what had been reported at the time, but he attributes the whole unfortunate mess to a ‘Freudian slip’. Which either means that Paul Danan doesn’t know what a Freudian slip is, or that he was a little too distracted by all the yummy mummies of Preston.
We reckon we know which it is…
[Hear him tell it around 24’40]

Ghost Stories returns to Lyric Hammersmith! Following record breaking sell-out shows, a West End transfer, productions all over the world and an acclaimed film, the original terrifying live production (written by Jeremy Dyson and Andy Nyman) is back. Keep telling yourself it’s only a show.

[Book your tickets here]

>> Hmmms <<

Otters, badgers, Flintstones

Fancy a Popbitch Popquiz in April? We’ve got great prizes, scandalous rounds and the filthiest art assignments you’ll ever complete. Tickets are £5(+booking) and we promise you won’t have ever done a pub quiz like it…

[Book now for Tuesday 2nd April]

[Book now for Tuesday 16th April]
Otter printer jam

[See on Twitter]
An astrological prediction of Brexit

[It’s no worse than any other]
Local News Of The Week

[Read on Hull Daily Mail]
Popbitch’s new favourite ad executive?

[Madonna Badger]
A masterful bit of self-skewering by Ricky Gervais

[Read on NYT]
It seems Michael Sanchez gave the National Enquirer that Jeff Bezos story for $200,000

[Read on Page Six]
Someone’s been fucking with the Flintstones’ house

[See on SF Chronicle]

Thanks to: R, yama, GA, SG, GO, JG, chinnyhill10, monstris, KB, LB, NS, HT, JJG, ourmaninkabul

Old Jokes Home:

Q/ What do you call a porn actor with bad aim?

A/ Mr Completely
 
Still Bored?

This week’s Media Masters podcast is an interview with legendary journalist and editor, Tina Brown. She talks through her stints at Vanity Fair and the New Yorker, as well as the founding of The Daily Beast and much more…

[Listen/Download at Media Masters]

Fancy Another?