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“Me coming into this house has helped me to separate Costas from Dappy” – Dappy
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_| 30.01.13 ISSUE 675
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* It’s the Jim and Dickie show!
* The glamour of the Old Bailey
* Charts: Clean Bandit are still no 1
>> Gout of line <<
What Guardian readers really like
So, what has been the biggest story on the guardian.co.uk site this year? Edward Snowdon and the NSA? (Nope, they wish) George Osborne and the deficit? (Yawn) Maybe the hacking trial? Erm, no…
It was a story about how not to get gout.
The opossum is the only marsupial that lives outside Australasia.
>> Wood you believe it! <<
News from the cheap seats
The glamour just doesn’t stop at the phone hacking trial. Our man in the public gallery writes:
“They might have had Jude Law in the witness box this week, but in the public gallery we’ve not only had another visit from Derek Laud, but also… Duncan Preston, from off of Victoria Wood!”
Michael York was regularly refused credit cards in the 1990s because his signature was so crappy.
>> Big Question <<
What people are asking this week
Which celebrity chef has a penchant for seasoning his sleeping conquests with his own special sauce? One poor woman awoke the morning after to find him standing over her, masturbating into her hair.
When reprimanded, he replied, “Sorry – this is just what I do.”
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I want to shag you good and proper! Come and have a laugh at the naughtiest Valentines cards and gifts around. Cheaper than a fancy pants meal and much more fun. Go on, send a card, you might even get lucky!
http://bit.ly/OCjy1
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>> Five alive <<
Fixed it for Jim?
And so, like Barrymore before him, Jim Davidson has emerged from the Big Brother house, the first step in his TV rehabilitation complete. The edits have certainly been kind to him. Could this have anything to do with a post on Jim’s own blog last November?
“Contrary to reports I have not been approached to enter the Big Brother house. Not saying that I wouldn’t go in just saying I haven’t been asked. My friend Richard Desmond owns channel five and what he says goes.”
Several OK! hands from the old days recall that any time Desmond held a “charity” bash, Jim would be more than happy to do a turn – for which he was often rewarded with at-home spreads in the glossy weekly. Now it seems that Dickie is going one step further and helping his old chum with a career revival. Those in the know say a list of possible TV shows is being lined up for Davidson.
Well, they do need a new face for the station now that Rolf Harris is otherwise indisposed.
Jim Davidson once offered to piss on Myleene Klass’s hands to keep them warm.
>> Hot pursuit <<
Boys in blue are in the red
Lincolnshire Police are facing a severe funding crisis at the moment. Already, they have had to shift loads of work onto ubiquitous screw-ups G4S, but now they’ve got an even bigger problem. Channel 5 has chosen to feature the force on the show ‘Police Interceptors’.
The producers want something juicy, the bobbies want to look good on camera, so they have had to scrabble together all available resources to put on a good show. Which is why, on Monday, when they got a call about a missing oven, they went full Michael Bay and deployed no fewer than five police vehicles and one helicopter… in pursuit of two burglars.
Our congratulations to McDonald’s new marketing officer, Deborah Wahl – but sadly the person she replaces at the Golden Arches is… Neil Golden.
>> Making NMEs <<
More Amelia Fletcher news
A writes:
“The late Steven Wells of the NME wrote an article that bands like hers ought to be sent to Nazi death camps. Amelia sent him a four page memo explaining why, as the grand-daughter of Jewish refugees from Poland, he might like to consider his views.
“Swells sent back a note telling her to fuck off. In capitals.”
Also in Talulah Gosh, Peter Momtchiloff, is now the senior commissioning editor for philosophy at Oxford University Press.
>> A funny spell <<
Sign of the times
In Microsoft Word 2010, the word “Kardashian” got the red squiggly line treatment from the automatic spellcheck.
In Microsoft Word 2013, the word “Kardashian” is now a recognised spelling.
Rylan was pissing off production staff at BBBotS, vetoing guests on ‘his show’. Crew had to remind him that it was actually Emma Willis’ show.
>> Law and order <<
Jude should take tips from Vicky
Interesting to see Jude Law taken aback by the idea that a relative was selling stories about him. Even the meanest intelligence (Victoria Beckham) knew that this was how the red tops got a load of their stories.
At the height of the Beckhams’ fame someone close to Posh was selling stories on her to the tabs. So what did Victoria do?
Go apeshit? Moan? Cry?
Well, maybe. But the smartest thing she did was put them on her payroll. The snitch still gets their payday, and the celeb keeps their loyalty. Everybody’s happy!
Dave Fenton, singer of The Vapors (Turning Japanese) is now the in-house solicitor for the Musician’s Union.
>> Hmmms <<
Otter, metal, Pixies
Send us your favourite link, quote or joke. Our favourites will get a DVD of new crowdfunded Brit horror film, Heretic. Details/review etc:
http://bit.ly/1d9Ss0P
Which member of an obscure Britpop band are you?
http://bit.ly/1dQpBi7
Starting tonight, til 22 Feb at Soho Theatre, Rubberbandits. Quote “YOKES” when booking to get special popbitch discount:
http://bit.ly/13nhSKq
Good news: French hipsters Twin Twin are in their Eurovision final. Bad news: the track is not nearly as good as their usual stuff.
http://bit.ly/1aJJdKk
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Celebrate the first anniversary of the horsemeat crisis with a top quality, char-grilled, all horse (no beef) burger at the LORD NELSON SE1. Also enjoy our new english meadow dining room, jenga, connect 4, chocolate orange flavoured shots and a pickled egg.
http://www.lordnelsonsouthwark.com
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Thanks to: JE, PD, Quiddity, ulysses, GO, AH, MrKM, AA, mountstnobody, RM, PL, JG, D, SG, R, SW, Ulysses, monstris, ESR, hornbag, majicman, fayekorgasm, AM
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Old Jokes Home:
I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.
She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age!
Still Bored:
There are four million un-listened-to songs on Spotify:
http://forgotify.com
