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“I consider myself a twat in almost every area” – Jason Isaacs |
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Free newsletter every Thursday subscribe
Email stories to us hello@popbitch.com
* Styling Leto’s locks
* Playing the fruity trombone
* PLUS: Republican swinging |
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>> Pot luck << |
Slinging yoghurt with Styles |
The video for Harry Styles’ latest single, As It Was, debuted this weekend to glowing reviews all round. Some residents at the Barbican were surprised to see their neck of the woods featured so prominently in it – not least because they hadn’t been told Harry Styles was shooting his new video there.
They were told it was a “yoghurt commercial”. |
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Cat Deeley says she is going to dip her kids’ baby teeth in gold to make jewellery out of them. |
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>> Fixed up << |
Dropping Tom in it |
Jimmy Savile: A British Horror Story hit Netflix this week and is currently stirring up another cycle of Jingle Jangle commentary. We don’t have anything particularly new or illuminating to add, but Popbitch does make a cameo in the second episode.
To illustrate how stories of Savile’s sordid secrets started circulating on the internet, there’s footage of an unseen reader scrolling through a Popbitch email, featuring the teaser lines “Tom Baker Is Still Your Favourite Story” and “Natasha Lyonne Is Barking Mad”.
If you’re curious to know: the favourite Tom Baker story is the classic “Tom’s putting it in now” tale. And the Natasha Lyonne one was from 2006, when a warrant was issued for her arrest after she missed four court hearings to answer her neighbour’s charge that she had broken into their apartment and threatened to sexually molest their dog.
Yes, our mothers are tremendously proud. |
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Our apologies to Tom and Natasha for dragging them into the Savile story – however tangentially. But if it’s any consolation, we all come out of it looking better than Prince Andrew, Prince Charles, Margaret Thatcher, Pope John Paul II and Ricky Gervais. |
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>> Big Questions << |
Who’s asking what this week? |
Which suspected celebrity beard is getting a little sloppy with their public duties? Not only did they leave one of London’s best cruising clubs this week with a fair few phone numbers, they’ve booked themselves a table there this weekend too. |
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The biggest role of her life. The last of his… Let’s Pretend is a twisty-turny thriller full of blind items, fauxmances and downfalls of awful b-list celebrities.
[Out today!] |
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>> Slippery business << |
Who’s been stealing Russian lube? |
Beyoncé’s performance at the Oscars was somewhat overshadowed by The Slap in most of the international coverage – but not in Russia. Viewers there commented that the song she performed (Be Alive, from the King Richard soundtrack) sounded very similar to the song You Carry Me, The River by a well-known Russian band.
The story has been shrugged off by its writer Nikolay Rastorguyev, who says there’s no way Beyoncé is personally responsible for any similarities, so it hasn’t broken much outside of Russian language media. Which is just as well, because the band’s name (Любэ́) is causing English translators a bit of trouble.
As it’s tricky to accurately transliterate the Russian alphabet into English, translating some of the reports will inform you that, in Russia, Beyoncé has been “accused of stealing Lube”. |
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The working title for Squid Game director Hwang Dong-hyuk’s new project: Killing Old People Club. |
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>> Dirty business << |
Celebrity sink dodgers, pt.621 |
Our list of celebrities who’ve been spotted neglecting to wash their hands after using the toilet has seen some pretty big names on it over the years: Bieber, Knightley, Portman, Corden. But this week, we add genuine Hollywood royalty: Pacino.
Al Pacino was at Tower Bar in LA this weekend for a friend’s birthday dinner. He arrived with a scowling brunette in her twenties attached to his arm. Even though she appeared more interested in her phone than him, he was clearly keen to get back to her side after taking a slash. So much so that he hotfooted it straight out of the cubicle and back to his table without so much as a glance at the soap and water. |
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Elsewhere in LA: Tim Robbins spotted doing his own grocery shopping at Erewhon. He drinks the flavourless La Croix (the MONSTER). |
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>> re: United << |
The cheek, the nerve, the Gaal |
Netherlands manager Louis Van Gaal reportedly told Man Utd managerial target Eric Ten Hag this week to swerve the job. Clearly his experience there still rankles.
An ex-United manager himself, Van Gaal was a popular figure around the training ground and club, but he didn’t leave on the best of terms with bosses when news of his sacking leaked just a few minutes after he’d won the FA Cup for the club.
The passing of time did nothing to heal the rift. A few years later, someone from the club bumped into Mrs Van Gaal and the pair conversed happily, catching up on recent news and parting with a smile. When the club’s top brass heard about this, they wondered if perhaps the animosity between the Van Gaals and United had faded and that now was maybe the time to give the old ex-manager a call and make amends.
So a call was placed. And Van Gaal picked up. Only to utter these two words: “Too soon.” |
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RIP to rapper Goonew who attended his own funeral afterparty, Weekend At Bernie’s style, last week. Organisers brought his embalmed corpse to a nightclub where he was propped up on stage for one last show. |
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>> Hairs and graces << |
In the chair with Jared Leto |
Finding anyone with a good word to say about Jared Leto at this point is almost impossible. Crew, co-stars, critics, anyone who sat through Morbius. He’s even managed to piss off his hairdressers – the people responsible for the last remaining good thing about him.
When sat in the chair, Leto refuses to speak to his stylist before, during or after his haircut. The only time he’ll break that rule is if they snip or blowdry a bit of his hair in just the way he likes it. Then he becomes incredibly animated, pointing to that very particular lock and shouting at them “THIS PIECE! DO IT ALL LIKE THIS PIECE!”
Before falling totally silent again. |
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FULL RESTOCK: Rise & Fall have restocked every size and colour in their best-selling bedding range, including duvet covers, pillowcases and the famous fitted sheet. Ultra-luxurious and super soft with a 600-thread count, its extra-deep and grippy elastic means it stays 100% secure through the night. Available on its own or part of a bedding bundle. Don’t miss out!
[Buy now at Rise & Fall] |
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>> Numbers game << |
Leto takes a ten-three |
It might not be as bad as sending anal beads, black rats and used condoms to his castmates, as he did on the set of Suicide Squad – but one of the many ways Jared Leto pissed off co-workers on the set of Morbius was by refusing to break character whenever the cameras stopped rolling. This meant he would insist upon using his prop crutches, feigning mobility issues every time he needed a toilet break – all of which ended up taking so long it delayed the day’s shooting schedule.
One of the bits of industry jargon we learned in the last few weeks is the discreet code that crew use on set to preserve an actor’s modesty when they’re holding up a shoot for pissing/shitting purposes.
If the actor is popping for a quick wee, the code to explain their absence is a ‘ten-one’. And if it’s going to be a longer, more involved engagement? The rarely used, tell-tale ‘ten-two’. |
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Nominative Determinism of the Week: Attorney General Suella Braverman MP has a special adviser called… Emily Law! |
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>> A real mouthful << |
Playing the fruity trombone |
After mentioning a codeword that those in the wine writing industry use with one another (DNPIM = “Do Not Put In Mouth”), we were told that there’s a significant minority pursuit among some wine merchants to slip the muckiest innuendo they can into the tasting notes they write for restaurants.
This results in a lot of phrases like “can’t help but swallow”, “smooth entry” and “impressive Semillon”. However, one leading London wine merchant (a former rock star) gained insider notoriety for once including a tasting note that talked of one particular wine “tromboning fruit flavours across your palate” – a phrase that has caused giggles among those in the know for years.
FYI: If you don’t know what ‘tromboning’ is (sometimes known as a ‘Dirty Bristow’) Google cautiously. |
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Joe Exotic is getting divorced so he can marry someone in prison. |
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>> Romancing the Stone << |
How to pick up swing votes |
After GOP rising star Madison Cawthorn casually announced in an interview that his Republican colleagues were all doing key bumps and hosting gak-fuelled orgies, senior party figures were quick to push back on these claims. Except for Roger Stone, who went on InfoWars to tell people that’s exactly what happens.
There’s not much you can trust Roger Stone on, but swinging is a rare exception. Not only has Stone been one of Washington’s premier swingers – a regular at DC sex club Capitol Couples, NY sex club Le Trapeze and Miami’s Miami Velvet – it was almost certainly him who leaked the details of it all to the press in the first place.
Back in 1996, Stone was working on the doomed Presidential campaign for Bob Dole. Worried that his reputation as a Republican kingmaker would be trashed if he stayed onboard – but knowing he’d be handing Bill Clinton the keys to White House if he publicly bailed on his own candidate – Stone looked snookered.
However, in an almighty stroke of luck, his friends at the National Enquirer somehow managed to get their hands on some extremely detailed evidence of Stone’s swinging and ran a salacious hit piece on him. Such appalling publicity would obviously require his immediate resignation. Just in time to throw himself clear of Dole’s landslide defeat – while also letting it be known to anyone in Washington who fancied it that he and the wife were DTF… |
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[Get yourself covered] |
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Thanks to: GS, deepmoat, bobbifleckmann, monstris, SM, SA, RM, JF, HD, J – and everyone else who sent us more jargon. |
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Old Jokes Home
I went to the shop to get some deodorant.
The shopkeeper asked “Ball or aerosol?”
I said “No, for my armpit.”
Still Bored?
Everything you need to recreate the filth and frivolity of the Popbitch pub quiz in one handy downloadable bundle. Individual quizzes for a fiver, or a three quiz set for a tenner.
[Get them here] |
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