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“Whenever I shoot a scene where I turn around in a doorway, smile and exit, I wonder if it will someday be my ‘In Memoriam’ clip” – Rob Lowe
POPBITCH _ _ _
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|_| |_| 25.10.12 ISSUE 616
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To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com
* Savile – what’s up with Cheshire?
* Fergie – secrets of his success
* Charts – Labrinth v SHM for no 1
>> Skyfail <<
Family bond stays strong
At a special premiere of Quantum Of Solace in Daniel Craig’s home county of Cheshire, a journalist there tried to get a little soundbite from Craig’s father – something about how proud he must have been of his boy.
The soundbite he got? “My son and I have a pact. He doesn’t talk about me and I don’t talk about him. Now
fuck off.”
Pierce Brosnan is the current narrator of Thomas The Tank Engine. (The actress who played Dolly in Moonraker went on to be the voice artiste for the French version.)
>> Dr How(‘s about that then) <<
More lure-id Savile revelations
With the news that the Jimmy Savile charities are closing, the gravestone is gone and even family members are claiming abuse, who else will be rueing the day they got close to Sir Jingle Jangle? Well, Leeds University must be feeling a bit shaky. They accepted a donation of 800k to fund the training of “the most talented doctors of tomorrow” recently.
Still, we can’t help but feel that Jimmy was trying to tell us something. The programme he set up? “The Leeds Undergraduate Research Enterprise”.
Or, to use its more regularly used acronym, “LURE”.
Our favourite emailed celebrity sex abuser suggestion of the week? The Queen Mother.
>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week
Which premier league captain is in charge of getting in the porn for his club’s young players and new arrivals?
Back in the day, which blue TV comedian used to ask the chorus line of his shows for a blow job, in return for helping them “get on” in the biz?
The excellent Brian Sewell, on meeting Salvador Dali: “So many people had seen me wank it would have been prissy to say no”.
>> On yer bike <<
Fergie’s top tip
Earlier this year Team GB cycling coach Dave Brailsford met Sir Alex Ferguson to exchange management tips and techniques. Brailsford was particularly keen to know the secret to Fergie’s and Man Utd’s success longevity.
Ferguson’s reply? “Get rid of the cunts.”
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119GBP Venice – A short break in Venice for little more than a hundred quid? You’d be mad not to! Flights and three nights B&B in a 4 star hotel, travel Nov-March. Full info here:
http://bit.ly/S8hJ5F
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>> Cheshire Cheesy <<
Perhaps it’s too grim up north
Even though police in Cheshire have advised victims of historic sexual abuse to call 101 or the NSPCC (and issued details of how they can report claims on their website) the force have now issued a short statement confirming that no-one in Cheshire has made any allegation against Jimmy Savile.
Which either means the things he’s done in Cheshire are so unspeakable that no-one’s dared come forward. Or Jimmy Savile just wasn’t attracted to any of the kids of Cheshire.
FYI: Who’d have thought it would be Simon Jenkins who spoke most sense this week on Savile:
http://bit.ly/R1LSiG
Someone who did a supporting set for DLT claimed he was grumpy, unpleasant, rude and expected him to pay for his pre-gig sit down Space Invaders.
>> Perv-free Tim <<
Finally, some good news
With more and more allegations coming out about a whole host of popular TV personalities, it’s nice to have a little bit of light in the dark.
In among all the horror this week, we’ve also been inundated with stories about just how professional, lovely and unpervy Timmy Mallett is.
He sticks around after his public appearances to let any kids smack him over the head with his mallet, he always makes a point of telling any dancers he uses how great they are – and he reserves his cheeky chat for the mums…
FYI Timmy is a big fan of the Keswick pencil museum.
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How To Fill A Black Hole by Benjamin Hendy is a children’s sci-fi adventure book that Zoe Ball called “Battlestar Galactica meets Michael Morpurgo”. For each copy sold, one pound is given to charity. Enter Popbitch1 for a bonus discount, and find out more here:
http://www.milliwaysbooks.com
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>> 72 Virgin money <<
Life is imitating art
Thought Chris Morris’s Four Lions was too farcical to be realistic? Turns out it wasn’t silly enough. This week in court, the suicide bomb plotters on trial revealed they had worked out an ingenious way to pay for their terrorism spree – apply to a dodgy payday loan company for a high-rate loan.
They said they didn’t care about extortionate APR charges as they weren’t planning on being around to pay it off…
Talk of the week: Professor Robin Weiss, UCL, presents ‘How Can Llamas Help HIV Research?’ See you there.
>> Gold mime <<
This year’s panto round up
* Chico is playing Prince Charming in Swansea this year. (Nick Cave enjoyed Chico’s turn in Aladdin a few years ago. He was spotted singing along to every word of It’s Chico Time and pointing a big foam finger at the stage.)
* Lesley Joseph will be starring in panto at the Birmingham Hippodrome. Good news for Lesley Joseph’s stalker, Gilbert; bad news for whoever is working the stage door.
* Bets on the filthiest dressing rooms? Clyde Auditorium, Glasgow. John Barrowman and the Krankies. Swinging for their supper, we hope.
* Ann Widdecombe is appearing in Snow White in High Wycombe. And for some reason, that’s not a joke.
* Denise Nolan is reprising her ‘record-breaking’ role of the Wicked Queen in Broxburne again. (The record she broke when she first performed it in 2007? ‘Biggest Selling Pantomime In Broxburne’.)
* Lolly is starring at Weymouth, alongside Eurovision flop Andy Abraham.
Hacking lawyer, and scourge of News of the World, Mark Lewis is in OK!, celebrating his engagement to the lovely Caroline Feraday with a celebrity friend. Chico.
>> Shaggy (Scottie) dog story <<
Always remember your recycling
Last year we remarked on how weird it is when the same rumour comes around repacked with a new name. Sean Connery “1964. Petula Clark. Up the arse.” Became Judith Chalmers. 1985. Up etc.
The Savile affair is bringing back all the golden oldies. This week we got the one that the Dunblane shooting was actually a political act to draw attention to a local paedo ring, headed by Gordon Brown. When we first got it, in 2000, it was run by then-local MP, George Robertson. Except poor George, once head of NATO even, is obviously not famous enough to make up gossip about any more. So Gordie gets it.
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135GBP & up City Break – How about getting 50% off a 3-night weekend Eurostar break in Brussels, Paris or Lille? http://bit.ly/VIaPHD
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>> Mocha ‘n’ roll <<
Crazy, Crazy (Flat) Whites
Coffee-drinking KISS fans may have become a bit disheartened after that godawful Costa advert ruined I Was Made For Loving You. They may even have given up on KISS and coffee altogether.
We’d urge them not to lose heart. The two can coexist quite happily. At the KISS Coffeehouse, for example:
http://bit.ly/RXQbfE
FYI The best foam art we’ve seen. Ever. (Of course, it’s an otter)
http://bit.ly/XYCvFI
David Baddiel and friends at Amanda Palmer gig at Koko. Talked loudly throughout, even through the quiet songs.
>> Hmmms <<
Cats, cats, drugs
Simply the best Halloween mugs, glasses and barware available for your party:
http://www.bespokebarware.com
Who did the BBC get to report on Orlando Cruz coming out? Why, Mr Ben Dirs, of course:
http://bbc.in/RlMbXD
All you need to know about the War On Drugs:
http://bit.ly/Sz1yvv
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SAVE THE DATE – Redhook and Popbitch – US Election night party to end all parties – 6th Nov 2012. Come all ye mormons and Kenyan communists. Full details coming soon.
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Thanks to: Jimmyjimjimmers, C, AW, AM, D, CM, smillsy, DW, KS, chardstix, SA, monstris, SW, SG, SC
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Old Jokes Home:
I never believed my father, a lollipop man, was stealing from work. But all the signs were there.
Still Bored:
Facebook’s asking for passport scans now. Good, good:
http://bit.ly/RIP1Wq
