The Daily Tonic: Badger Bleaching For Beginners

2003 saw the release of the final Lord Of The Rings film and Ian McKellen was giving reliably good quotes on the press tour. When one journalist asked him if he thought Gandalf should have had a romantic interest in the films, McKellen’s reply was: “He does, my dear! His name is Orlando Bloom…”

Whether he treated Orlando to the joke he’s treated his other handsome young co-stars to, we don’t know – but this is his go-to, as told to us by the man himself:

Sir Ian: “What’s the difference between a blowjob and quiche?”
Handsome Young Actor: “I don’t know”
Sir Ian: “Let’s go and have a picnic then!”

One of the big hot grooming trends with LA stylists in 2003 was to give their celebrity clients a little take-home package of ready-mixed highlights for use on their pubic pelts – so that they could ensure their carpets always matched their drapes.

One such LA hairdresser emailed us approvingly to tell us that Sophie Ellis-Bextor was among the first to have adopted the fashion.

lesmcqueen wrote [in 2003]:
“There was an article in the Times about Damien Hirst nicking other people’s ideas for his ‘art’. I suppose it’s a step up from the mid-90s, when Keith Allen used to paint crap pictures, Damien used to sign them, and they’d go and sell them to hapless restaurant owners around Soho, and then spend the five grand on mammoth gak and beer sessions at the Groucho.”

Avril Lavigne gave up her education in order to become a teen pop millionaire – a plan which was firing on all cylinders back in 2003 – but it was not without its drawbacks.

Avril struggled a lot with interviews in those early years. Many of them went badly because she had so much trouble understanding the questions she was being asked. So her label had to get someone in to act as an interpreter to help her out.

For interviews with US journalists. In English.

“I’m fascinated by air. If you took the air out of the sky, all the birds would fall on the ground. And the planes too.” – Jean-Claude Van Damme

“Singing is a gift from God and when people say I can’t sing, It’s kind of like insulting God” – Fergie (Black Eyed Peas)

“When we were trying to conceive, I would douse my balls in icy cold water before intercourse” – Richard Madeley

“As cheesy and insignificant as it is to say that you’ve found yourself in a new hair colour, it’s the truth.” – Mandy Moore

“I’m England’s answer to J-Lo” – Martine McCutcheon

“I got a boning section on my iPod for when I have sex.” – P Diddy

You’ll know the set-up by now, but for the sake of anyone just joining us: we’ve chipped some 15 second fragments off some top ten hits from 2003 and lined them all up into one 2’30 track.

You get a point for each of the artists you correctly name and a point for each song title you manage to recall. Ten songs means twenty points in total.

Take a punt. You’ve got nothing to lose but your pride.

[Play it here]

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Scammers on Spotify are imitating bands to steal their streams
[Read on Input]