The Daily Tonic: BOG 2000

Yesterday’s talk of celebrities being funny with money reminded us of a classic tale about the late Billy Mackenzie from The Associates.

Back in the late 80s, when Warner Bros decided they no longer wanted The Associates on their label, they called Billy in to the office to break the news to him in person. Much to their relief, Billy accepted the news very gracefully but did make one final request of the label. He asked if he could at least get his cab home on account.

The MD’s PA obliged and a car soon came for Billy.

The label later got a bill for £240: the journey from Kensington to Dundee.

Channel 4 has announced a new series in which reality TV stars will try their hands at stand-up comedy. Given that many professional stand-ups are struggling to make a living right now, what with the current restrictions on live entertainment, reactions haven’t been uniformly positive – but surely it can’t be the worst TV idea that’s ever been pitched?

Today’s Question: What are the worst/weirdest/most offensive ideas for TV shows that were once pitched, but never got made?

Tell us about trashed TV ideas at hello@popbitch.com – and we’ll send out goody bags to the best ones.

When we asked for stories of strange on-stage behaviour, we weren’t expecting to see much of a showing from the boys from Crowded House. And yet…

VR writes:
“You asked for the strangest thing readers had seen on stage. For me it was whilst waiting for a Finn Brothers show at the Albert Hall to start. A pantomime horse walked on stage, wandering about for a bit before splitting in two. Out appeared Neil and Tim Finn who started playing. Possibly the best stage entrance I’ve seen!”

JC writes:
“Tim Finn of Crowded House had the stage blessed by a Druid before his show at the Kings Cross Scala in 2007. I thought I’d made up this particular scenario but light googling tells me I was right.”

TC writes:
“Back at the end of 1992 we went to see Faith No More at the Barrowlands in Glasgow. About midway through, during an extended instrumental break, Mike Patton crouched down by the drums with his back to the audience. He was there for a couple of minutes before springing back up to stage front, with little Mike in hand, just as he completed his vinegar strokes. Impressively, some of his goo landed right on top of the mic stand! He then seamlessly launched into the third verse…”

J writes:
“I was at Reading Festival in 1992 and witnessed (and was nearly hit by) the now infamous bloody tampon flung by L7 in retaliation to the crowd chucking mud balls at them.”

FYI: That same tampon ended up being flung back through the crowd and found its way to the stage again. It sat on a monitor ledge all the way through Nick Cave’s set.

E writes:
“Was delighted to read Storm’s story in the newsletter the other day about being taught by Kevin Rowland’s brother at school. I did my PGCE teacher training course back in the late 90s and an older chap I trained with casually mentioned once he had been ‘somewhat involved’ with Dexys back in the day. He was going into teaching as a career change. Quite possible it’s the same fella.

“I recall him being pretty competitive in a team building exercise where we had to construct armour for eggs which we then launched out of the window. I don’t think any of them survived the landing though.”

As we leave September, today’s ten tracks are all UK number one hits from various Septembers of the last 50 years. You get a point for identifying each song, and a point for identifying the band or artist who recorded the version you’re hearing.

Ten songs, twenty points in total.

[Play it here]

“Parrots Removed From UK Family Safari Park After Teaching Each Other To Swear”
[Read on Manchester Evening News]

Christopher Guest, Eugene Levy, Catherine O’Hara and more tell the oral history of Best In Show
[Read on The Ringer]

The 2020 Pet Comedy Photo finalist have been announced
[See the contenders]