The Daily Tonic: Donatella’s Special Salad

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* Johnny Vaughan’s clouded judgment

* Paying respect to Emma Thompson

* PLUS: A brand new audio round…

>> Fashionably plate <<

Happy birthday, Donatella!

Today is Donatella Versace’s birthday. Unfortunately, with social distancing in place, she won’t be able to throw one of her lavish dinner parties. But given that she always used to enjoy her own personal menu whenever she had guests over, it may not be so weird for her.
If you want to enjoy DV’s dinner party special for yourself, here’s the recipe.
Ingredients: 3 grams cocaine, 1 salad plate
Method: Rack out lines the size of cigarettes on the plate.
Serve.
Best enjoyed while your other guests consume a solid dinner, orally.

Guests at Donatella’s report that she used to keep her cocaine in the fridge “in blocks the size of feta cheese.”

>> Dishing dirt <<

Question of the day

You really came through with celebrity cubicle stories yesterday, so we’ll continue with a few more of those tomorrow. While we’re here though, we might as well ask you this.
Today’s Question: Which celebs have a signature dish that they like to prepare for guests – or themselves?
Send your celebrity recipes to hello@popbitch.com and we’ll dish out some goody bags to the best.

Carl Barat’s band Dirty Pretty Things used to check into hotels as Mr White, Mr Orange, Mr Blue and Mr Brown. (The Libertines before them also used to use Tarantino-based check-in names too.)

>> Loo patrol <<

Not drugs or nathin’

X writes:

“Just after they had really taken off I was at the after-after party of the Irish Music Awards in Dublin where Snow Patrol had swept the boards. It was in a lock-in at a city centre pub where you had to shove your laminate through the letter box to get let in.
“About 3am, nature called and I went to the gents. There was only one cubicle in there, which had two sets of feet underneath but only one head over appearing over the door. It belonged to the super lanky Gary Lightbody who didn’t miss a beat.
‘Don’t worry mate. It’s not drugs or nathin’… It’s just great sex.’
“Greatly reassured I had my pee and left.”

Killerheels writes: “I worked at WEA in the 70s and walked in on Chrissie Hynde struggling to do up a stuck fly zip on her leather trousers. Thank goodness for bar soap to grease the offending article. (She was charming and grateful too.)

>> Here’s Johnny! <<

The cloud of shame

J writes:

“A few years ago, I was doing a very smelly poo in the loo in a restaurant in Clapham. Someone started banging on the door, shouting they were desperate and ‘Could I please fucking hurry up.’ I finished up fast and when I opened the door it was Johnny Vaughan, who rushed straight in to the stinky cloud I had left him. He gagged, said “Christ” and locked himself in.
“A few minutes later I was back upstairs with my mates eating dinner and he came over to our table and told me that I was ‘a complete bastard’.”

LA writes: “Backstage at Fatboy Slim’s first Brighton Beach party me and my boyfriend were waiting in the queue for the portaloos. Vernon Kaye came out, wafting his face with his hand and advising us to ‘Give it a minute if I were you’.”

>> Thompson/Twins <<

Ain’t nothing like a dame

K writes:

“I was once in a restaurant in London with my family and me and my sister needed the loo. We headed downstairs and saw a lady drying her hands. When she turned round we realised it was Emma Thompson. I was so surprised that I curtsied to her before heading into the cubicle. My sister then proceeded to do the same!
“We heard her laughing as she walked off.”

Someone who shared a urinal visit with Chris Barrie tells us that he seemed to have “much to keep hold of”. (Also, that he washed his hands very thoroughly.)

>> Quarantunes <<

Three little letters

Ten more songs, twenty more points – today with a slight theme. Each of the bands/artists featured go by names of three letters.
[Play it here]

POPBITCH POPQUIZ: We have a whole range of Popbitch Popquizzes available to download and play, if you’re in need of something to do with friends/family this weekend. Trivia, puzzles, activities – and a decent helping of muck. They’re £5 each, or available as better-value bundles.

[Get your Popbitch Popquizzes here]

>> Hmmms <<

Some Saturday distractions

Deepfake Audio: US presidents rapping Fuck Tha Police

[NSFW – but no-one’s at work]
Eels in Japan are forgetting what humans are

[Read on the Guardian]
Africa by Toto, played by Animal Crossing Villagers BEFORE the pitch editing

[Almost unrecognisable]

Thanks to: PD, PS, kilerheels, K, anon, LA, mamatephanie, AM, JC, the_earl_of_essex

Old Jokes Home

I was stockpiling Alphabetti Spaghetti when a reckless shopper knocked over my trolley.

Could have spelt DISASTER.

Fancy Another?