The Daily Tonic: Elle On Earth

If any celebrities need a safe place to self-isolate as the coronavirus continues to swirl, maybe they can tap up Sting for a place to crash? He has some rooms that are ideal for this sort of situation.

A few years back, Princess Eugenie went to visit Sting for a holiday. On arrival, her guards were shown to their room and given strict instructions not to leave it under any circumstance. These ‘quarters’ comprised a small room with two single beds, a basic bathroom, no windows and nothing on the walls.

After 24 hours of no contact (and no food) one of guards decided to break curfew and investigate. Turned out that Sting had completely forgotten about them.

Apparently Eugenie burst into tears when she found out how badly her staff had been treated, and refused to talk to Sting for the duration of her stay.

Thank you all for sending in your stories confessing to celebrity misdemeanours – although we’re not sure we’re going to be able to grant many of you much in the way of absolution. A lot of it was way above our pay-grade.

Today’s question: Who did you go to school/university with that went on to become famous – and what were they like?

Send your stories of celebrity classmates to us at hello@popbitch.com and we’ll reward the best with some goodies.

PREVIOUS WINNERS: We’ll be in touch in the next 24 hours with your bundles.

A writes:
“I’d like to apologise to H from Steps. Back in the late 90s when Steps were soaring upwards but were still playing smaller local theatres, I was dispatched to interview them for local TV. They were perfect interviewees and super friendly. I thought H was quite cute and although this was years before he came out, it was all pretty obvious.

“So later that afternoon, once we’d finished voxpopping the kids in the queue, I turned fanboy and banged on H’s dressing room door with a spurious excuse to ‘double check something from our interview’. There was no reply and I was just about to leave when the door slowly opened.

“A bleary-eyed H peered out, clearly woken from a deep pre-show sleep and in no mood for fun. So I scurried away red-faced. Oops! Sorry, H. I wanted to get you into bed, not out of it.”

BoneyMLP writes:
“I used to work at the Virgin Megastore on Oxford Street. One time Mick Hucknall came in and went to the till next to mine, which was being run by a new starter who I was helping. Said new starter got a little flustered when he realised who he was serving, fluffed something and had to ask me to take something off the bill. To which Mister Hucknall huffed and harrumphed and said ‘Get a move on, don’t you know who I am?’.

“I accidentally and surreptitiously ran the demagnetiser (that would deactivate the security tags) over his credit card, thus rendering it useless forever more.

“I want to say sorry Mick, but I’m not. You were a complete cunt.”

Another “Don’t you know who I am?” story landed on our Mum Gossip desk yesterday. This reader’s mum is a former flight attendant who remembers Elle Macpherson once trying to pull the classic line when asked for her boarding paperwork.

Obviously it’s no great shock to hear of a supermodel being a diva on a flight, but we’re a little surprised at Elle because she normally goes to great lengths to disguise her identity.

Usually her big trick when someone approaches her asking if she’s Elle Macpherson is to respond, in a geographically vague accent, “Soory. Engliss very bad.”

Today’s audio round in a 90s throwback – featuring ten classic hits you’ll know and love. (Or just be about able to bear.)

As always, a point for naming the artist and a point for naming the song. Be careful though, as a there’s a couple of tricky ones in there.

[Play it here]

Some of the best of National Puppy Day in the States yesterday
[Some cuteness for you]

Browser game of the day: Pac-man reconfigured as a DOOM-style first person shooter
[Play it here]

Want a free virtual tour of the house supposedly haunted by all the ghosts of people killed by Winchester rifles?
[Good news!]