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The Daily Tonic: Gest Of Honour

 

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* Jason Statham’s secret cab service!
* Chris Evans: bollock admirer!
* PLUS: Another audio for you!
>> King of hearts <<
It’s a kind of magic
 

Today would have been Paul Daniels’ birthday were he still alive to see it. So let’s remember the horny little get in happier times, shall we?

anon writes:
“Paul Daniels once pulled off the most audacious chat-up move on an ex-girlfriend of mine. She worked with him on a pantomime one Christmas and, at the end of a cast meal, he leaned over the table and asked if she’d like to see a bit of magic. She said yes, so Paul whipped out his deck.

“It was a fairly standard trick. She picked a card, he asked her to write something on it that he couldn’t possibly guess – suggesting she use her phone number. Which she did.

“Paul made a joke about having a little shuffle, before proceeding to make the card disappear and reappear in a number of surprising ways. He then made it disappear completely – but that wasn’t the end of the trick. That happened when she hopped into a cab and her phone buzzed with a message from an unknown number. “Clever, aren’t I?xxx”

“That wasn’t the only message she received from him that Christmas. It was, however, the only one that will get through readers’ spam filters.”

Confirmed Celebrity Handwashers pt.1: Angelina Jolie. She pissed in the cubicle next to a reader in St Martins Lane Hotel and joined her at the sink to wash afterwards.
>> Question time <<
Silver tongued celebs
 

Thank you for all your surprise sightings of stars in unusual circumstances. A fistful of our favourites are below – but please do keep them coming. In the meantime, Paul Daniels has got us thinking again…

Today’s Question: What is the most outrageous chat-up line you’ve ever heard a celebrity use? (And did it work?)

Send your examples of celebrity Casanovas to hello@popbitch.com and we’ll swap a goody bundle for the best/worst.

Confirmed Celebrity Handwashers pt.2: Ex-England rugby captain Chris Robshaw, who washed his hands very well next to a Popbitch reader in the toilets at Ibiza airport.
>> Gest of honour <<
#1: Celebrity cloggage
 

JW writes:
“Ten tears ago my parents were temporarily living in a rented house in central York when the landlord asked if a potential new tenant could look around. A slightly odd American turned up with a minder and made small talk with my oblivious parents, while they offered cups of tea and made polite small talk. Asking what he did, the man said his main focus was setting up a museum in memory of Michael Jackson in Plymouth. The house wasn’t to his tastes but on his way out he asked to use the toilet.

“After he’d gone they went to find that rather than dry his hands on a towel, presumably for germaphobe reasons, he’d insisted on using copious amounts of bog roll and couldn’t make it flush.

“So that’s how David Gest blocked my parents’ toilet.”

ACP writes: “I once saw Bruce Foxton of the Jam buying tampons in the chemists in Bramley.”
>> The transporter <<
#2: Fast, not furious
 

khole writes:
“Back in the early 2000s I worked at an advertising agency on Golden Square, a couple of doors down from Virgin Radio. If we worked late at night we could order a car on account to take us home. One night, I duly ordered one and 30 mins later (this was pre-Uber) I scurried outside and into the back of a waiting black Ford Galaxy.

“The driver immediately turned around and told me that this wasn’t my taxi home. It was Jason Statham, waiting for Kelly Brook to finish an interview at Virgin.”

ricolas writes: “I walked smack bang into Michael Caine in the teddy dear dept of Harrods once.”
>> Sights for sore eyes <<
#3: A couple of others
 

MC writes:
“I once met Craig Cash outside a kebab shop while he was very merry. He asked where he could find a kebab shop. I informed him we were in front of one. He wouldn’t turn around to see it so I sent him down the road.”

CD writes:
“I was once in the queue in Boots on Tottenham Court Road behind Dennis Norden. He was having trouble with his Boots Advantage card, turned round and apologised to the rest of the queue for holding everyone up.”

JD writes:
“In the Lakes in the mid 2000s, I was walking around with my brother, his family and their pet dog. My bro had kept the pooch ‘intact’ as he couldn’t bear the idea of chopping off the boy’s expensively-bought pedigree testicles, but which unfortunately left him with knackers like a set of hanging click-clacks.

“As we rounded a pathway corner, we bumped into a popular radio DJ and his pals coming in the other direction. Pointing at the dog, Chris Evans remarked: ‘Excellent bollocks.'”

ND writes: “I once saw Lethal Bizzle at Centre Parcs, Woburn.”
>> Quarantunes <<
Your mandated quizzical exercise
 

Today’s audio round is composed of the chart’s biggest number twos: hit songs that were denied a spot at number one, but have lasted on as classics in their own rights.

Ten songs, twenty points.

[Get on it]

The Popbitch Puzzlebook Vol.1 is still available if you need a few rounds of “Morrissey Song or Badly Translated Hollywood Movie Title?” to stave off the continuing boredom of lockdown…
[Yours for £5]
>> Hmmms <<
A few Monday links
 

Iceland’s Eurovision entry: quarantine edition
[Watch on YouTube]

A full length documentary on Bill Withers
[Watch on YouTube]

Interesting long read on the problems with Canada’s cannabis industry since it was legalised
[Read on Guardian]

Thanks to: AS, ND, JW, ACP, khole, ricolas, MC, CD, JD, bad_horsey, DG
Old Jokes Home
The past, present and future walked into a bar.
It was tense.

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