The Daily Tonic: Just A Nice Bag Of Sweets

The closure of Television Centre in March 2013 saw a number of BBC employees nicking the odd souvenir here and there, stripping the place for collectibles. For the most part, this looting went unchallenged as it was all fairly low-key.

However, one well-known face was so bad and so blatant with his attempts at thievery he got collared by a security guard and marched off the premises.

Poor Vernon Kay.

FYI: It seems his wife isn’t much better when it comes to discreetly pocketing things. If she was, she probably wouldn’t have the nickname “Klepto Tess”.

As Dubai increasingly became a must-visit spot for pop stars on a world tour, venue staff were under strict instructions to confiscate any home-made signs that teenage fans brought along with them – to stop any inappropriate messaging being displayed in public.

Their fears weren’t ungrounded. Teen pop fans can be a pretty vulgar bunch. Busted’s fans used to wave banners that read “OUR FINGERS ARE RUSTED FROM FRIGGING TO BUSTED”. Blue’s fans designed flags that read “BANG ME TIL I’M BLACK AND BLUE”. Even X Factor winner Shayne Ward got fans with signs reading “POINT YOUR ERECTION IN MY DIRECTION” during his moment in the sun.

Things were a little darker in Dubai though. One little angel who managed to sneak her sign past security at a Justin Bieber gig in 2013 proudly unveiled her message mid-gig: “TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF OR I’LL KILL MY PARENTS”.

When Tulisa got turned over by the Fake Sheikh and the Sun in 2013, it really wasn’t a surprise to learn she had a mate who could score some coke. What was kind of surprising however was to see how incredibly uncool she was about it all. This was how she described her secret drugs code:

“I’ll say ‘Hi [NAME]’ and he’ll be like ‘Ummm, how many sweets do you want?’ And I’ll say ‘Oh, just a nice bag of sweets.’ And he goes ‘How big of a bag?’ and I’ll say, maybe, like, ‘Four sweets.’ And I’m referring to what he knows is what.”

“He’ll go ‘What kind of sweets do you want?’ and I’ll go ‘I want the green sweets.’ Or I’ll go – not for me, because I don’t do it, but for my mates – I’ll go ‘I want the white sweets.’ And then he gets it. It’s all codes.”

Julian Clary appeared on Piers Morgan’s Life Stories in 2013. There was one slightly odd moment when Morgan sympathised with Clary about the hounding he got after the Comedy Awards in 1993, where Clary made his infamous joke about fisting Norman Lamont.

It was kind of Clary not to point out that the man who was responsible for most of that coverage was the then-showbiz editor of the Sun… Piers Morgan!

Morgan was one of a select group enjoying hospitality in the press room at ITV, watching the show. Everyone there remembered Piers in hysterics when Clary made the joke initially. It was only when Michael Barrymore repeated the joke in mime a little later on that Morgan rang the story into the news desk. He then went on to the after party – with friends of Clary and Comedy Awards hosts – who were all oblivious to the kind of story they were going to wake up to.

“I know how fucking stupid this makes me sound but I would rather watch back to back episodes of You’ve Been Framed than read Shakespeare” – Danny Dyer

“I have to say I’m probably one of the nicest celebrities I’ve ever met” – Lee Ryan

“I met a girl named after me at the Toronto film festival. I thought her mother was going to say she was called Susan but she said: ‘This is Sarandon'” – Susan Sarandon

“You can’t say you love cars if you haven’t ever made love in one” – Noel Edmonds

“It was megalolz. I don’t know what everyone is getting freaked out about” – Ian Watkins

Another ten songs that were top ten hits in the UK in 2013. You get about 10-15 seconds of each, and all you have to do is identify them.

You get a point for each artist and a point for each title. Ten songs, twenty points in total.

[Take a shot here]

Our favourite Tumblr from 2013 is still going strong
[Pokemon x Nic Cage]

A great John Le Carré profile from 2013, in which Le Carré confesses the one time he did cocaine it gave him a “troublesomely long-term erection”
[Read on NYT]