The Daily Tonic: Not So Short!

As Donald Trump and Twitter escalate their skirmish, creating a much-needed bit of drama in an otherwise uneventful news cycle, it’s probably worth remembering that Twitter isn’t what turned Trump into the petty little grudgeholder he is today. That all started long before the internet.

Trump was so annoyed by Spy Magazine branding him a “short-fingered vulgarian” in the 1980s that he spent almost 30 years regularly sending photocopied press clippings of himself to the editors – decades after the magazine had closed, following them from job to job – on which he had circled his fingers in gold Sharpie and written “See! Not so short!” next to them.

Looks like the White House had better stock up on headed note-paper.

With the prospect of another full weekend in lockdown looming, we want something we can get our teeth into, so today we’re asking: what’s the one pop culture conspiracy theory that you think actually holds some water?

Avril Lavigne being replaced by an imposter? Tupac still alive and living in Cuba? Chim?

We’ll probably regret asking you to this, but guide us down your favourite rabbit hole at hello@popbitch.com and we’ll send digital treats to the most interesting.

Today is Mel B’s birthday. Mel’s a very interesting character in the story of modern pop PR because there’s always seemed to be a huge gulf between what Mel’s people would have you believe about her and what Mel herself will say. We’ll give you a couple of examples.

On the set of a TV show that Mel once worked on, production staff were informed by her people that she was on a very strict diet and would only eat steamed seabass, hand-prepared by her personal chef. Obviously it was too impractical to have this chef fly out to the studio every single week, so the chef was brought over to train the on-site canteen cook how to prepare seabass to Ms B’s liking instead.

Only for her to turn up for the first show to announce that she “fooking hated” sea bass, and promptly ask a runner to pop out and get her some “proper” fish and chips.

Back in her Spice Girls days, a reporter called up the Spice camp with a story they’d heard that Mel B had just had a boob job in LA. Mel’s people promised to look into it and check with her, before calling back to say that Mel flatly denied having any such procedure.

The hack thought that was odd, because – as they went on to explain – they were currently sat by the pool at the Four Seasons in LA, on a sunbed across from Mel B. Who was busy showing off the bandages around her tits to friends, loudly talking them through the boob job she’d just had done.

horp_springs writes:
“I once lent Ian Brown my security key card to a workshop complex we both rented space in. He promised to slip it under my door when he was done but he didn’t, and I never saw him again, so he probably owes me the £40 I was charged to replace it.”

unknown_pleasure writes:
“Sometime around 2006 Pete Doherty approached me in the Boogaloo in Highgate and asked if he could borrow 50p for the jukebox. I willingly obliged but, alas, never saw the money again. To be fair, I never saw Pete Doherty again either. I’m not sure he actually used it for the jukebox.”

JN writes:
“Naboo from The Mighty Boosh owes me a tenner. He was working behind the bar at the Regent’s Park Open-Air Theatre and I was so busy gushing about how much I loved the Boosh that I failed to notice he’d short-changed me from a £20 until I was in my seat again.”

Today’s audio quiz is made up of ten songs that featured prominently on the soundtracks to 10 films from the 2000s. So as well as your regular twenty points for guessing each of the artists and each of the song titles, there are a bonus ten points for getting the ten movie titles as well.

[Thirty points in total]

Want more?
The 80s version is [here]
The 90s version is [here]

You had us at “broom sexual fantasy”
[Story of the year so far?]

Greggs Sausage Roll Earrings
[See on Etsy]

Need some balm from the burning world? Here’s five hours of trees, breezes and gentle music
[Watch on YouTube]