The Daily Tonic: Power Vacuuming

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A quick dose of gossip, smut and silliness Subscribe

* Michael’s magic wand!

* Britney’s art v Covid-19!

* PLUS: An afternoon audio round!

>> Hoover damned <<

We’re so, so sorry

There’s been a lot of talk about a concerning power vacuum in Westminster these last 48 hours – but Popbitch has been telling you about that sort of thing for years.
john_lewis_partnership writes:
“Not my story, but impeccably sourced. Sarah Vine tells of returning home one evening to hear the noise of the hoover upstairs. Puzzled, she went up to discover the sound was coming from the bathroom, accompanied by grunts and moans.
“Fearing deviancy, vaseline and amyl-soaked satsumas, she swung the door open to reveal the then Secretary of State for Education, Michael Gove, forlornly trying to slurp up an enormous, unflushable turd with the crevice wand.”

Dominic Raab, the UK’s de facto deputy during this health crisis, is a confirmed sink dodger. Over the years he’s been spotted more than once in Westminster leaving the loos without washing. (So much for a safe pair of hands…)

>> Identity issues <<

Question of the day

A common thread that’s been emerging through some of the stories you’ve been sending in over these last few weeks is mistaken celebrity identity. Either confusing celebrities for friends, for other celebrities, or failing to recognise them completely – until it’s too late. So let’s formalise this.
Today’s Question: What is the most embarrassing case of mistaken celebrity identity you’ve ever suffered?
Send your stories of confusing celebs to us at hello@popbitch.com and we’ll send out some PB goody bundles to the best when we get a second.

More George Melly chat-up lines: “Oh! You have a face like a cat! How I wish I were a mouse…” (Less successful that one, apparently.)

>> Private show <<

We [art] Britney

Britney Spears’ debut art exhibition was held earlier this year at Galerie Sympa in the French commune of Figeac. Although Britney had her people release a statement denying she had any official involvement in it, the work was hung and displayed anyway.
The exhibition (entitled Sometimes You Gotta Play!!!!!) was initially due to run from January 18th 2020 – “’til the world ends…”
Sadly, the Covid-19 crisis has forced the gallery to close.
Which doesn’t bode too well for the world.

Ariana Richards (Lex, the kid from Jurassic Park) left acting to focus on impressionist painting. She won first place in the National Oil Painting Competition in 2005.

>> The art of celebrity <<

Other brushes with greatness

If you’re in the mood for more celebrity art, we have plenty. (Much of it for sale, would you believe?)
Sylvester Stallone

[Look on his works]
Jane Seymour

[Lovely, bright pieces]
Magne from a-ha

[£5,000 a pop]
Timmy Mallett

[Mallett’s Pallette]
Matt Dillon

[Works from 1991- 2019]

Alan Bean, from the Apollo 12 mission, became an artist after he came back from the moon. Almost all his paintings are of him on the moon. Including one that’s called “That’s How It Felt to Walk On The Moon“

>> Suits you, sir <<

Helping him out of a Jam

B writes:

“Speaking of Bruce Foxton, my brother used to work in the menswear department of Selfridges. Bruce came in in the 90s and asked for an unstructured Armani suit ‘like Eric Clapton wears’.
“My brother and his colleagues weren’t going to dress the Prince of the Mods in such a twat outfit, so they pretended they had nothing in his size, and couldn’t get anything in.”
Saved a celebrity from themselves? hello@popbitch.com

The author of a US government report suggesting American hospitals face severe shortages of critical supplies… Christi Grimm.

>> Quarantunes <<

An afternoon audio round

Roll up, roll up. Ten more snippets of songs, inexpertly smushed together and left for you to untangle.
Ten points available for the artists, ten points available for the titles. Twenty points in total.
[Go for your life]

If you’re hopeless with music, but are better at Susan Boyle sudoku, Paul Danan anagrams, or discerning between Kardashian episodes and Kindle erotica, then the Popbitch Puzzlebook is just waiting for you to snap it up.

[Get your copy here]

>> Hmmms <<

Other internet stuff

The Cats/butthole mystery deepens

[Read on AV Club]
Want to take a tour through Drake’s house?

[It’s… something]
On Sunday we mentioned Sasha in a bathtub of spaghetti.

Yesterday we linked to Whitney’s I Wanna Dance vocals.

Today we learned that Sasha used to play that same Whitney vocal line over Leftfield’s Never Forgotten.

[Hear it here ~9m]
If you aren’t signed up to the weekly Popbitch mailing list, tomorrow’s issue will be sent through that – so don’t miss out

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Thanks to: CH, Down3Greens, BG, john_lewis_partnership, RM, RC, BG, CM, B, AK, AW, sharkastic, SC

Old Jokes Home

Q/ What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?

A/ The cold shoulder

Fancy Another?