The Daily Tonic: Quim FC

Popbitch began 2012 by giving evidence to the Leveson Inquiry. Thankfully, we were spared from having to discuss too much in the way of gak-snorting, cock-waggling and ice-docking thanks to one man: Kris Humphries, Kim Kardashian’s temporary husband.

The week before we were called, we heard a story that summed up the public’s relationship with modern-day celebrities so neatly, it acted as a perfect Popbitch primer.

It happened at a Knicks v Nets basketball game at Madison Square Garden. Kris Humphries stepped out onto the court where he was promptly – and rather violently – booed. He was taken off shortly afterwards, only to hear the crowd change their tune and begin chanting “WE WANT KRIS! WE WANT KRIS!” instead.

Why? So he would come back on and they could boo him some more.

It felt like a lazy journalistic trope to describe Cara Delevingne as “the new Kate Moss”, but it really was bang on the money.

At Lady Mary Charteris and Robbie Furze’s wedding in 2012, Cara conducted herself in a way that would have made Kate proud. Rumour is she helped consummate the happy couple’s marriage – with a gak-fuelled love-in.

The BBC did their best to scrub any trace of Jimmy Savile from their archives in 2012, the second it became clear he had in fact been the disgusting, lecherous creep everyone had him pegged for.

One notable deletion was Sir Jim’s episode of Desert Island Discs. In it, Jimmy introduced a little girl in a wheelchair from Stoke Mandeville hospital, who wanted to be on the radio and choose a Wham! record.

Never one to let a sweet moment go unspoiled, Savile then suggested if he couldn’t have the record he could happily take the girl to the desert island instead.

Tulisa Contostavlos was at the height of her power in 2012, with singles, albums, fragrances, films, an X Factor judging gig and a growing reputation as a style icon – yet most of the best-known fashion labels had her on their Do Not Lend lists.

Not because she didn’t get them any coverage (she did). Nor because she returned any items in a bad state (she didn’t). The problem stemmed from certain upmarket department stores. One in particular (the one with the green bags) would put in furious calls to fashion houses threatening to return stock if they ever saw Tulisa wearing something they had in store because they didn’t want her fans coming in.

“Whenever I shoot a scene where I turn around in a doorway, smile and exit, I wonder if it will someday be my ‘In Memoriam’ clip” – Rob Lowe

“There is ‘banter’ and then there is getting your arse out and opening your cheeks” – Martin Kemp

“I think name-dropping royalty is a bit poncey, but my brother knows Pippa Middleton” – Spencer from Made in Chelsea

“I am hoping that the real predators are the ones we are going to find out about” – Max Clifford

We know the premise of the quiz is simple, and that us explaining it to you every day is tedious – so let’s rattle through it.

– Ten songs from the Top Ten in 2012
– A point each for artist and title
– Twenty points on offer in total
– The points have absolutely no value

[Play it here]

Everyone was playing Draw Something for one week in 2012, then just paid attention to Ignore Hitler
[See on Tumblr]

Japanese Tron dance crew take on Daft Punk and Justice
[Watch on YouTube]

Apparently sperm swim like otters, not like eels
[In French, at Le Monde]