Popbitch
  • Latest Email
  • Stories
  • Archive
  • Club Popbitch
  • Quizzes
  • About

The Daily Tonic: Sneezing In The Cabbage

 

Sit back, relax and enjoy a delicious cup of coffee during lockdown with 50% off your first month when you subscribe to JavaHub. Coffees for all tastes, conveniently delivered directly to your door once a month. Choose preferred brewing method, coffee blend and syrup flavour and receive a free V60 Filter Kit or Re-Usable Pod Kit with your first order. Use code POPBITCH50.
[Order now from JavaHub]
logo
A quick dose of gossip, smut and silliness Subscribe
* Beck’s flashy doppelgänger!
* Scarlett’s clammy shake!
* PLUS: The worst audio round
>> Lip service <<
How Boris “helps out”
 

The government’s latest scheme to stoke the coals of the hospitality industry has been given the unfortunate title “Eat Out To Help Out”.

It’s always tempting to assume the government approves innuendo-laden slogans like this unwittingly, but it’s hard to imagine any government formed by Boris Johnson not clocking the obvious double meaning.

We guess we’ll know for certain that they’re wise to it if/when the Belgravia restaurant Olivocarne decides to avail itself of the new programme. We’re told the Prime Minister is rather partial to eating out there…

An early-20th century euphemism for cunnilingus was “sneezing in the cabbage”.
>> Question time <<
Interview to a kill
 

Thanks for all your stories of clumsy celebs. Now we want to turn our attention to one of the more fruitful topics for battle-hardened hacks: awkward celebrity interviews.

Today’s Question: Who is the worst, weirdest or most peculiar celebrity you’ve ever interviewed – and what happened?

Send your stories of interviews from hell to us at hello@popbitch.com and we’ll fling some digital goodies at the best ones as a thank you.

It’s Beck’s 50th birthday today. Beck was once pulled over by police in Denver because he fitted the description of a flasher at the local Wal-Mart. It turned out not to be him.
>> Fall guy <<
Steve’s slapstick seat
 

TC writes:
“I interviewed Steve Martin in the dressing room of the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville, prior to performing his banjo music. We were sitting together, chatting on a sofa, when he decided to get up and grab something to eat from the table nearby.

“As he came back with a plate of food, he sat back down but missed the seat and sat painfully on the arm, losing his balance and letting out a yelp. I chuckled sympathetically at his slapstick gag… until he turned to me with a wounded look, rubbing his coccyx as he snapped angrily: ‘That really hurt.'”

Minimina writes: “Roy Keane bumped into me in a Nottingham bar, spilt my drink, then told me I was a stupid clumsy bitch. Obviously I still bear a grudge.”
>> Excess baggage <<
Leaving the kids behind
 

MN writes:
“Some years ago I was at Gatwick with the family and we found ourselves in a lift with Vic Reeves, Nancy Sorrell and two kids.

“The kids were sitting on their trunkies and, as the lift doors opened, Nancy yanked on the ‘leash’ to pull them along. It turns out it was too much and too high and both of her kids ended up tipping backwards and onto the floor.”

CM writes: “David Tennant can’t control his stream in the men’s bathroom… splashes everywhere.”
>> Bad shake <<
The cold, wet hands of Johansson
 

HB writes:
“I read the latest question as ‘Who is the clammiest celebrity you’ve ever met?’ The answer to that is Scarlett Johansson, who has extraordinarily wet (and cold) hands. A deeply unpleasant handshake. Warm in person, mind.”

Know a clammier celeb? hello@popbitch.com

Among those who could have been witness to David Walliams’ earliest comedy character, Cuthbert Hogsbottom, dry-humping his schoolmates? Ray Mears. (Sadly for Keir Starmer, he left Reigate Grammar the summer before Walliams started.)
>> Quarantunes <<
The best of the worst
 

Here’s another ten tracks for you, all musically minced together. The common theme that unites them? They’ve all been named the worst/most annoying song in various polls, lists or awards.

Mercifully, you only have to listen to a few seconds of each – so it shouldn’t ruin your day too much…

You get a point for each artist, a point for each title.

[Play it here]

The pubs might be open, but it’ll be a while yet until we can safely put our IRL Popbitch Popquiz back on. In the meantime, you can host your own at home – or over the internet – with these downloadable Popbitch Popquizzes…
[Get them here!]
>> Hmmms <<
A couple of quick things
 

Kanye’s first interview of his presidential campaign
[Read on Forbes]

Toto’s Zoom version of Africa
[Hear on YouTube]

Tomorrow’s Popbitch goes out to our main weekly subscriber list, so if you’re only signed up for the daily edition, you should fix that now
[Sign up on our homepage]

Thanks to: CM, KCE, HB, MN, minimina, TC – and everyone who has sent us an email that we haven’t had a chance to respond to yet. We really do appreciate them all x
Old Jokes Home
Q/ How many performance artists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A/ Dunno. I left before the end.

Fancy Another?

  • Bad Elevator Etiquette
  • Recession Indicators
  • Computer Says No
  • Pair With Broiled Raccoon
  • The Smell of Electronic Cheese

  • Privacy
  • FAQ
  • GDPR Statement