The Daily Tonic: Squidgygate II

Not counting the weekly Thursday issues, there are now 12 daily editions between now and Christmas. So we’re going to use them to look back at some of the stories from each month of 2020 that still give us a smile.

Today we take on January.

If you’ve got any memories of the year that you’d like to share with us (or remind us of anything you think we might have missed) email us on hello@popbitch.com and we’ll send a digital stocking filler to the best ones.

In response to the absolute pasting that Cats suffered in the press at the start of the year, most of the stars in it went to ground with barely a peep to be heard. Not Jason Derulo though. He wanted to make absolutely sure that everyone knew his bulge had been digitally edited out of the final cut and that his crotch doesn’t normally look that flat.

Derulo has always been very protective of his bulge. A little too protective at times. Someone who filmed an interview with him for a kids thing a few years back remembers having to bin the entire reel because when they reviewed the footage they noticed his hand was down his pants the entire time, quite obviously squidging his cock.

January saw us enter into some pretty prolonged emailing with various readers about Chris Martin’s hockey playing – with people from every stage of his sporting career getting in touch to tell us about how he’s a pretty decent player.

One person who played hockey with him at university told us about how their uni team had a fondness for drunken revelry and alcoholic penalty when they went on tour (as hockey teams often do).

This all sat a little at odds with Chris’s reluctance to touch booze, but he didn’t have to miss out on any of the fun and games. In place of penalty beers, his team-mates made him chug away at pints of pickled onions instead.

If you’ve been in showbusiness for almost 30 years, then being wired up to a microphone is probably second nature to you. Still, it might be worth us reminding our celebrity readers that sound crews can hear what you’re saying, even if you’re not within earshot.

So unless you’re happy for everyone to know your opinions on, say, bum sex – it’s better that you save those sorts of conversations until you’re somewhere a little more private.

Apropos of nothing: Louise Redknapp? Not a fan, apparently.

Scooby writes:
“Michael Le Vell (aka ‘Corrie Kev’) briefly became a daily target for the red tops and paps following his acquittal on historical sex offence charges and the ensuing revelations of alcohol issues and a new relationship with a much younger woman. The Mirror in particular was constantly tipped off whenever he and his new lady would be out shopping or drinking heavily in a pub beer garden in Hale, Greater Manchester.

“The source of the tip-offs? Le Vell’s pal, former Corrie castmate Nigel Pivaro (aka Terry Duckworth).

“He’d sell the tips to the Mirror for a few hundred quid a pop and then he and Le Vell would split the proceeds, pissing themselves laughing over the phone as Corrie Kev and his new belle played ‘Spot the photographer with the long lens’ while downing pints on the Mirror’s tab.”

To round out our Band Aid trilogy (we’re going to ignore the 2014 Ebola remix) here’s an audio quiz that features ten of the stars that appeared on the 2004 recording of Do They Know It’s Christmas?

You just need to figure out who they are (for one point) and recall the title of their song (for a second point). Ten songs; twenty potential points.

[Play it here]

The big TikTok trend for teens in January? Sending their friends the lyrics to Matthew Wilder’s Break My Stride…
[Watch on YouTube]

Freak your pet out by getting a wearable replica mask of their head
[Creepy as hell]

Headline Of The Month: “Meet The Devon Woman Whose Knees Look Like EastEnders Hard Men Grant & Phil Mitchell”
[Read on DevonLive]