The Daily Tonic: The Carrot Spittoon

“I expected to get great wine, but never expected to learn so much so quickly” – one of our fave customers early on at WINE LIST. Every bottle of wine becomes more enjoyable when you learn about it. Learn at home with a wine subscription with friends, by yourself, whatever. Get a HALF PRICE first box (usual price: £39) with code HALFOFF at thewinelist.net

[Get learning with Wine List now]

A quick dose of gossip, smut and silliness Subscribe

* The career security of netball!

* Rock’n’roll swimming pool tiles!

* PLUS: A scandalous audio round…

>> Doctor’s note <<

Tom’s slipping it in now

With all the sad stories of students being forsaken in locked-down dorms around the country, let’s remember a happier time – and an old Popbitch favourite who has always been extremely kind to students.
Some years ago, a young man making his way through Soho saw Tom Baker ambling along Beak Street, so went over and asked for his autograph. While signing, Baker noticed the chap was carrying a textbook and said, “You’re a student aren’t you?”
When the chap replied that, yes, he was, Tom said, “Ah, you have my deepest condolences” – before grabbing the book and slipping a tenner into it.

It was also a student that Tom shagged when he whispered the legendary line “Tom’s putting it in now” in their ear – so he’s really got excellent form with the student body.

>> Book burning <<

Question of the day

We’ve had bad TV shows that almost got made, we’ve had bad boybands that never took off. Now, to round out the unholy trinity, today we want to know about things in the celebrity publishing world that ended up pulped. Star autobiographies that were bought, but never sold. Ghostwritten novels that were too shit to release. Promising celebrity writing careers that got cut short by scandal. (What happened to Tulisa’s debut novel?)
Today’s Question: What are the worst ideas to have been floated in the celebrity publishing world?
Tells us tales about bad celebrity book stuff at hello@popbitch.com and we’ll send out a digital goody bag to the best of them.

C writes: “That Taggart story yesterday reminded me of the time on Newsnight when, at the end of the interview, Emily Maitlis asked the ever-gracious Alan Johnson (the ex-Home Secretary whose wife had an affair with his bodyguard) if he was looking forward to seeing the finale of that BBC TV show The Bodyguard.”

>> Good sport <<

Alesha gets sound career advice

Today is the 42nd birthday of Alesha Dixon: Mis-Teeq star, Strictly winner, TV host and talent judge. Strange to think we might never have known her name if she’d taken the advice of her sixth form teachers.
Back in her schooldays, teachers weren’t convinced by her joining Mis-Teeq. Alesha was so good at sport, one teacher told her that she’d be much better off sticking to netball and taking a sports science degree. Why?
“Music won’t lead anywhere… and there’ll always be a need for PE teachers” was the phrase they used.
Know of any more ill-judged celebrity advice? hello@popbitch.com

CB writes: “CS Lewis and Aldous Huxley died on the exact same day. With them being enormous names in the fields of fantasy and SF dystopia, you’d expect that to be more commonly known. Except that day was 22nd November 1963 – the day John F Kennedy was assassinated.”

>> Hoff the record <<

The Germans love naff records

PD writes:

“Re: Berlin applying for the 2000 Summer Olympics, using David Hasselhoff as a mascot. There must be someone in German sport/pop culture who keeps looking to America for inspiration. Six years earlier, the German World Cup song for USA 94 was “Far Away in America” performed with the Village People.”
[Listen here]

More inappropriate fan merch – JD writes: “The ‘official’ Brian Jones Fan Club sold swimming pool tiles from the house famously owned by Brian Jones. That is tiles from the very swimming pool Brian fucking drowned in.”

>> Blankety Blanc <<

That’s all folks…

DC writes:

“Britain woke up on July 11th to the sad news that Mel Blanc, the genius who brought Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and countless other characters to life in the golden era of cartoons, had died overnight. But just as the then-handful of TV news programmes were about to crank up tributes, he was wiped off the agenda by the death of Lord Olivier and barely received an ‘and finally’ in all bulletins.”

Mel Blanc hated carrots so much that he kept a spittoon on hand while recording his lines as Bugs Bunny to spit his half-chewed mouthfuls of carrot into.

>> Quarantunes <<

#150: Scandalous

Today’s audio round – your 150th since the pandemic began – is made up of ten scandalous songs. Some were banned by Radio 1, some were banned by MTV. Others had the church, the government, or a group of concerned parents speak out about it. But all caused some sort of outrage in their time.
You get a point for every artist you correctly identify and a further point for every title too.
[Play it here]

If you’re wanting a slightly more substantial quiz fix, we’ve put together a downloadable Popbitch Popquiz Puzzlebook filled with quizzes, puzzles and activities designed to be completed in quarantine…

[It’s yours for a fiver]

>> Hmmms <<

A couple of quick things

RIP Eddie Van Halen

[Watch on YouTube]
After the Minute Silence Mascots on Monday, and Mondo Mascots on Tuesday, today it’s the SFPL Mascot Race…

[See on Twitter]
The lucrative art of chicken sexing

[Read on PSMag]
REMEMBER: Thursday’s Popbitch is sent out to the main mailing list, so if you’ve only ever signed up for the daily, get yourself on our free weekly list too

[Sign up here]

Thanks to: SK, mount_st_nobody, CB, C, PD, JD, DC

Old Jokes Home

Q/ Why do giraffes have such long necks?

A/ Because their heads are far away from their bodies

Fancy Another?