‘Witty, filthy and supreme’ (Guardian). Grab your guinea pigs, as Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s iconic one-woman show, Fleabag, returns to cinemas nationwide next Thursday, filmed live on stage during its sold-out West End run. If, like Fleabag, you’re oversexed, emotionally unfiltered and self-obsessed, then find your local cinema. |
|
|
|
“I’m not very online at the moment, and I’m sure people have just been calling me a cunt relentlessly” – Matty Healy |
|
|
|
|
Free newsletter every Thursday subscribe
Email stories to us hello@popbitch.com
* YMU gets socially concious
* Queuejumping for Prince Harry
* PLUS: It ain’t easy being green |
|
|
|
>> Smoke and mirrors << |
Always hiding something |
We’ll spare you a “Firstly, are you OK?” joke, seeing as practically everyone in the UK has beaten us to it – and we don’t want to stand accused of nicking Amanda Holden or Ann Widdecombe’s banter.
Instead, we’ll tell you that this isn’t the first time Holly’s attempt to be a totally open book with her public has caused amusement. One journalist who interviewed her right at the start of her time on This Morning remembers Holly opening their conversation with the caveat:
“You can write anything, but don’t say I smoke because my mum doesn’t know.” |
|
|
|
When Danny Dyer left EastEnders, he told so many people that he was going to steal one of the Queen Vic busts from the set, they heightened prop security. |
|
|
|
>> Coldplayed << |
It ain’t easy being green |
Chris Martin got himself some glowing headlines and a bit more eco-cred for taking the train to Coldplay’s gig in Cardiff this week. He’s been talking a big talk about this latest world tour of theirs and how it’s all been arranged to be as sustainable as possible.
Take the LED wristbands they’ve given out to every attendee of their gigs for the last ten years, for example. One big change is that they’re now made out of compostable, plant-based plastic. Except for the non-recyclable circuit boards. And the two standard batteries they run on. So no matter how many well-meaning fans hand theirs back for use at a later gig, this gimmick will result in millions of disposable batteries being sent to landfill over the course of their 132 date tour.
But Chris did take the train to Cardiff.
Just don’t ask about the rest of the band and the creative team, who tend to fly first everywhere. |
|
|
|
Someone who used to work with Carol Vorderman says her regular lunch order was a green salad – with nine sachets of salad cream. |
|
|
|
>> Big Questions << |
Who’s asking what this week? |
Which well-respected DJ gets his missus to serve him tea whenever journalists come round to interview him – dressed in a full-body gimpsuit? |
|
|
|
A Strange Loop: The critically-acclaimed winner of every Best Musical award on Broadway – plus a Pulitzer Prize – bursts onto the stage of the Barbican this summer for a one-time limited season. This will be your ONLY chance to catch this blisteringly funny masterwork in the UK. Popbitch readers get £10 off tickets priced £40-99 between 3rd-22nd July with code POPBITCH.
[Info and tickets at the Barbican] |
|
|
|
>> High chair << |
YMU gets socially conscious |
Phillip Schofield’s former agency did a great job of keeping the runner story out of the papers for many, many years – but one thing they struggled with was keeping it off social media. While YMU’s stranglehold over the papers remains powerful, in order to properly future-proof their business model they really need to find a way to exert a bit of that same pressure over online platforms.
Elsewhere in the news, Twitter got itself a new CEO this week: Linda Yaccarino.
Who also happens to be the Group Chair of… YMU. |
|
|
|
Nominative Determinism Of The Week: The pianist in Taylor Swift’s current band is called… Karina DePiano! |
|
|
|
>> Fixing it for Jim << |
Nice work if you can get it |
Finally there seems to be some movement on the Man Utd ownership saga, with reports that the Qataris have set a deadline of Friday to force the pace. One confirmed bidder for the club is Sir Jim Ratcliffe, current owner of OGC Nice in the French Ligue 1. Ratcliffe bought Nice in 2019 saying they would now be able to challenge PSG for supremacy, but that hasn’t quite gone to plan.
Transfer policy for the past season at Nice has centred around purchasing some old Premier League stars: Kasper Schmeichel, Aaron Ramsey and Ross Barkley. Insiders at Nice say this wasn’t a policy built on scouting or data, but because Sir Jim bought the club to enjoy being the owner. To become part of the scenery. To be a guy who can pop into the dressing room and chat with players after games, etc.
And because he doesn’t speak any French, they had to buy in some well-known English players so he had someone he could talk to. |
|
|
|
Sad news for GAK fans. The Austrian Bundesliga’s second division team were briefly flirting with promotion, heading into Sunday’s final round in first place. Sadly, Blau Weiss Linz took it by a nose, so GAK stay down another season. |
|
|
|
>> Family affairs << |
No more fending off for Phil |
When Phillip Schofield bought his new-ish bachelor pad in West London, he decided it required some substantial renovations. Teams of builders worked ceaselessly for ages, turning an already lovely home into something more befitting a TV superstar. And every day, there was a woman on-site, directing operations in no uncertain terms, fending off any gentle enquiries from people asking who the pad’s new owner was.
This mystery gatekeeper? Holly Willoughby’s sister. |
|
|
|
Still looking for your Spring/Summer essentials? Rise & Fall have launched their new European linen and organic cotton apparel range. Luxury quality, at prices you wouldn’t expect. Includes shorts, trousers, co-ords, shirts and more. Free delivery over £75. Free 30-days returns.
[Shop summer at Rise & Fall] |
|
|
|
>> Queue C << |
Access fit for a prince |
Seats at Court 15 for Prince Harry’s historic phone hacking evidence were the hottest tickets in town on Tuesday. Press and public alike lined up for hours at the Royal Courts of Justice hoping to bag a spot, even for seats in the spillover court where Harry’s evidence was being live-streamed.
Space was so tight that even lawyers involved in the case were being turned away, unable to see live testimony that could directly impact on their own proceedings.
Ironic, then, that the Mirror’s barrister Andrew Green KC focused parts of his inquisition on the allegations of Harry receiving “preferential treatment” as a cadet at Sandhurst because of his family connections – when he himself requested much the same earlier in the day.
Green had been spotted wafting up to the court’s ushers, to help two women jump the queue. Faster than you could say “Phil and Holly”, these ladies were whisked through – to the disgruntlement of other waiting punters. Still, we’re sure Green’s daughter and the woman he was heard describing as “a family friend” truly did need urgent priority access and weren’t just there to rubberneck. |
|
|
|
Wondered if the National Enquirer would calm down a bit after all its recent troubles? Erm… This week’s cover: “Who’ll Die Next? Cher, Jamie Foxx, Liza Minnelli, Gene Hackman or Elton John (Celebrity Timebombs ON THE BRINK!)” |
|
|
|
>> Inner city blues << |
Only here for the cheers |
Noel Gallagher was one of the many star faces at Wembley last weekend at the FA Cup Final. He’s always been the go-to celebrity City fan – and he genuinely did follow them in the bad old days, back when they were rubbish and Oasis was years into the future. But after Oasis got big, it didn’t escape the club’s notice that Noel would generally only ever be seen at City’s London games.
In fact, the joke among City staff in the dark days when they were just about avoiding relegation was always that the only time the Gallagher brothers ever stepped foot in City’s new stadium was in 2005. For three Oasis gigs. |
|
|
|
What is Tinhead from Brookside up to these days? He’s currently the co-signatory on an application to transform the former Royal Daffodil Ferry into a floating restaurant. |
|
|
|
>> Chopper’s out << |
Trademarking their territory |
You know how there’s always that one task that sits on your desk that you keep putting off and putting off, and before you know it decades have passed? Well, that’s what’s just happened at the Telegraph.
For 15 years, Christopher “Chopper” Hope has been writing about politics for the paper, rising through the ranks to become chief political correspondent, assistant editor and host of the Telegraph’s flagship political podcast “Chopper’s Politics”.
Yet it’s only now – just as he’s about to leave the paper for rival operation GB News – that the Telegraph has gone to the trouble of trademarking the phrase “Chopper’s Politics”. Right at the moment they’ll have no further use for it, but GB News might.
A leaf from the Rebekah Vardy playbook. |
|
|
|
Not written a will yet, because it’s boring / expensive / a hassle? Now you can sort it online in just 15 mins, and update it easily whenever life changes. Beyond is rated ‘Excellent’ on TrustPilot and trusted by 1,000s of families. Normally £90, but save 25% with code POPBITCH25.
[Try it for free here] |
|
|
|
Thanks to: purplelizzie, ernie, siimon, SS, RH, BD, AC, JR, bobbi_fleckmann, WT, part_time_david, DS, deep_stoat, DP, LB, TO, theabominablehoman, boris_bogtrotter |
|
|
|
Old Jokes Home
I used to be a programmer for autocorrect.
They fried me for no ducking raisin.
Still Bored?
Adrian Chiles or John Shuttleworth?
[Play the game here] |
|
|
|
|
|