“YOU ARE NOT A GOD DAMN MAN WHORE, YOU ARE A CUPCAKE. JESUS.” – 1D fan re Harry Styles’ GQ cover
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|_| |_| 01.08.13 ISSUE 653
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* The real cost of fame
* What about Prince Uranus?
* Charts: Avicii is still number one
>> Cruise control <<
Suri lives on a movie set
Suri Cruise has probably had more written about her than any seven year old. But her weird life has certainly made her into a singular little girl. As befits someone who’s spent her short life hanging around her parents’ film sets, Suri has a different way of expressing herself.
For example, when Suri doesn’t want to listen to someone any more she’ll shout out “Cut!” like a director. And when Suri gets bored, she likes to stand up and cry “It’s a wrap!” and just walk off.
JM writes “Colleague left work on Newman St almost got knocked down by one Ed Miliband, who was cycling along the pavement… the wrong way down a one-way street.”
>> Ex-spence account <<
The real cost of fame
Spencer, off of Made in Chelsea, got a huge fee for The Bachelor so what on earth keeps him doing those dreadful celeb mag features every week? Well, he didn’t manage to keep that fee in his pocket for very long.
Remember those gak-snorting photos his family hired the Queen’s lawyers to keep out of the tabloids? That kind of service doesn’t come cheap, and daddy decided that he wasn’t going to pick up the bill.
In the past quarter, 1,000 fewer people walked through the average Apple store each week, compared to same period 2012.
>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week
Which comedian at Latitude prepared for his turn with a pint of wine?
And which comedian celebrated Latitude by liberally sharing his coke spliffs backstage?
More tigers now live in captivity in America than globally in the wild.
>> Butt of the joke <<
What about Prince Uranus?
William Herschel was the 19th century astronomer who became famous for discovering a new planet in the solar system.
He was going to name his newly discovered planet George, after the then king. For some reason, he changed his mind and called it Uranus. Thankfully Kate ‘n’ Wills didn’t have the same idea.
Why are male pop stars suddenly obsessed with possessing the wee small hours? Justin Timberlake’s new single is Take Back the Night and The Wanted’s is We Own the Night.
>> Popbits <<
The hit parade today
Avicii’s Wake Me Up is the fastest selling song in UK this year, shifting nearly 500k in two weeks.
It trounced One Direction’s Best Song Ever, which – despite their fame, weeks of hype and miles of column inches – only sold half the copies of Avicii.
It goes to show that an incredibly average track from the people behind Westlife songs just can’t compete with something really original. A dance track marrying the country guitar of Incubus’ Mike Einziger, the voice of Aloe Blacc and the production of Avicii (who we already owe a huge debt of thanks for ending Leona Lewis’ career).
The only thing Tim Bergling needs to worry about now is Simon Cowell ordering a hit on him – although good news for Tim that Cowell has other things on his mind for the next, oh, 18 years or so.
2013 is expected to be a record year for single sales. Daft Punk and Robin Thicke have sold 1m+ already.
>> Digital love <<
Where there’s a will
will.i.am is the guest editor of Wired UK this month. If the editor had done an actual hatchet job, rather than allow will to perform a self-inflicted one, it couldn’t have been more effective. We almost feel sorry for him – it’s a bit like when Geri was allowed to go to the UN, just so everyone could laugh at how stupid she sounded.
For example, will.i.am was billed as a “hardware mogul”, with the full scoop of how he launched his hardware brand foto.sosho (aka a large camera attachment you stick on an iPhone). Inside, will.i.am details how he managed to sell “a couple of hundred” of them, and gave the rest away.
Also not to be missed:
* How he helped set up Coca Cola’s sustainability project, while taking 184 flights in 2012.
* How he claims “Being a verb is the most important thing right now”.
* And that the hardware mogul’s next project is a stuffed animal with a speaker and MiFi connector in it. Because will likes chatting with his tech products.
Chris Lowe said the first club he went to was Man Fridays in Blackpool. “It had a light-up dancefloor and plastic palm trees”
>> Black day <<
Wonder what they were thinking
Blacking up seems all the rage at the moment. Drag act Queens of Pop have done a parody song about will.i.am dressed as Black and White Minstrels. And in Greece’s version of Your Face Sounds Familiar, one of the contestants – a blonde woman – did an impression of Stevie Wonder.
http://bit.ly/1bNmjkX
Olly Murs eats chicken for breakfast.
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Catch Tom Webb’s Wedding. Excellent comedy hour at Edinburgh Festival 3-24 Aug @ Dragonfly, 5.30pm. Free entry.
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>> Hmmms <<
Otter, otter, otter
Our kind of press officer. Quite awesome swearing:
http://bit.ly/12I6yI1
RIP Rev Goatboy, who died six years ago this week. He’d have appreciated this project:
http://kck.st/1asDFjH
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Thanks to: SK, AMM, kerching, J, LW, JO, theabominablehoman, plasticflamingo, deepstoat, thebestnameshavegone, JM, AM
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Old Jokes Home:
I’m trying to sell all my old dogging equipment on eBay.
Not had any bids but there’s loads of people watching.
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