The Reverse Yoghurt

Further to last week’s story on the office decor of Lord Evgeny Lebedev, we’ve been given an insight into some of the other objets d’art that litter his Hampton Court pile (the aptly named Stud House).

His dining room table is festooned with candelabras designed by Theo Fennell, depicting characters indulging in various acts of sensual erotica. Among the many pieces of modern art sits a sculpture of what appears to be a pile of naked bodies engaged in some intimate entanglement.

But the most interesting artefacts? The collection of butt plugs with Vladimir Putin’s face on them.

JS writes:
“In addition to major stars confusing their fans by claiming they are filming yoghurt commercials, I have encountered the opposite. Some years ago, I lived in Wimbledon and on my way home one evening, I was asked to briefly wait whilst a film crew completed a take outside Wimbledon Theatre for ‘a new drama starring Martine McCutcheon.’

“A couple of months later an advert appeared with Martine proclaiming the health benefits of Activia yoghurt.”

Is Sharon Osbourne about to steal Andrew Neil’s crown for Shortest On-Air Stint? He managed eight shows at GB News before taking a break that he promised to return from – but never did. There’s well-placed whispers suggesting that Sharon might be taking a similar route out after just three.

Millie Bobby Brown has been causing a fair few headaches on her recent filming job, thanks to her habit of turning up at least an hour late every day.

This inevitably shunts the whole day’s schedule out, pushing everyone into overtime come the evening. And the person most vocal about then having to stay late? Millie Bobby Brown – who kicks off, complaining that it “isn’t fair on the crew”.

Back in 2007, we pointed you towards some footage from Tim Westwood’s set at Bestival where Westwood was doing his usual cringe schtick, asking the women in the crowd “How many ladies in this party have a cleeeeeeeeean pussy?” – before shouting into the mic “IF YOUR PUSSY DON’T STINK, MAKE SOME NOISE!”

This slice of classic Westwood patter stayed up on YouTube quite happily for 13 years – right up until June 25th 2020: the day a copyright takedown notice was suddenly filed and the video pulled.

The timing was quite telling, as that was the very same week that “Timmy Savile” had been trending on Twitter, thanks to stories about his persistent sex-pestery being circulated online. But even more telling was the name of the person who’d filed the takedown notice.

The Big Dawg himself… Tim Westwood!

The BBC always comes in for a lot of stick whenever one of its weird, tracksuit-wearing DJs is inevitably revealed to be a longstanding sexual menace. But it’s worth pointing out that the Beeb isn’t the only media corporation who hires these sorts of perverts.

One Popbitch reader remembers attending a Capital Radio Junior Disco back in the day where the DJs laying on the entertainment were Tim Westwood and Jonathan King.

The one surprising thing about Tim Westwood is just how long the boaksome old fucker has been around. How well do you know his place in the timeline of human history? Let’s put it to the test.

Q/ Is Tim Westwood older or younger than…
1/ …Milton Keynes?
2/ …the M1?
3/ …ciabatta bread?
4/ …NASA?
5/ …Post-It Notes?
6/ …BBC2?
7/ …the Victoria Line?
8/ …the 50-starred American flag?
9/ …Barbie?
10/…the 50p coin?

Answers at the bottom of the email.

When Damian Green’s laptop got seized in the last Tory porn scandal (2017) Parliament was keeping official tabs on the number of attempts made to access pornography on parliamentary computers. Sadly, these numbers no longer seem to be published as Parliament’s cyber-security team say it poses a ‘threat’.

The scale of the problem was pretty big even then though. One of the final months there’s official data for (Sept 2016) shows 32,164 attempts made in 30 days – roughly 1,070 a day. To put that in context, that’s someone trying to access porn once a minute, every minute, ~18 hours a day.

Even more unsettling, ministerial lust looks to be a two-way street. Cross-referencing PornHub’s end-of-year data for 2016 shows that two British politicians drove significant traffic on their list of celebrity searches that year: Theresa May (382,842 searches) and Boris Johnson (112,214).

FYI: We did some deeper analysis at the time if you don’t feel like sleeping tonight…

[Read Commons As Muck on Popbitch]

The death of America’s most hopeless racehorse was announced this weekend, just a few days short of his 31st birthday. Zippy Chippy ran 100 races in total – and got absolutely nowhere in every single one of them.

His first race was back in 1994 and he ran with no success for over four years. Then, in a race on September 8th 1998, when every other horse broke from the starting gates, Zippy just stood quietly in his stall, watching them run. He was banned from the sport at that point.

A year later, his owner persuaded a much lower racing circuit to let him back in. Zippy’s success rate stayed at zero, but his popularity began to grow as people came out specially to watch him lose. In 2001, a race was arranged against a local baseball star, just so Zippy could get one win under his belt. Alas, he even lost that race. By more than three lengths.

Zippy Chippy was retired after his 100th race, in 2004, to a racehorse retirement home. Such was his local fame that the money raised from Zippy merch and visitors coming just to see him paid for another 22 horses’ retirement costs.

Adrian Chiles and Ozzy Osbourne aren’t the only two celebs to have a urinal in their home. A reader who once ended up at Debbie Gibson’s pad in Sunset Hills was surprised to find a functional one hanging on the wall of the house’s main (carpeted) hallway.

When questioned about this bold design choice, Gibson said she’d bought the house from a “full-on leather queen” and, what with all the other fittings and furnishings she’d had to chuck out in the renovation, a urinal in the hallway was “the least of my worries”.

As for friends who threatened to use it, Debbie was nonchalant. Provided their aim was good and they were prepared to clean up any soaking on the carpet, they were welcome to try.

Seen a stranger celebrity toilet? hello@popbitch.com

The curious afterlife of pop stars
[Read on the Guardian]

RIP Guy LaFleur: Canadian hockey player and unlikely disco star
[Powerplay = genuine banger]

Adam West’s 60s Batman in the 2022 movie
[Watch on YouTube]

Have Russian security services accidentally been buying copies of The Sims instead of SIM cards?
[Looks like it…]

Make your own Tim Westwood broadcasts while he’s off-air
[The Tim Westwood Soundboard]

Kate Middleton’s mum is trying to coin it in for the Jubilee weekend

[Personalised Jubilee cupcakes, anyone?]

Penguins inspecting a camera
[See on YouTube]

Why search sucks
[Read on Insider]

Tim Westwood’s dead Bishop dad has a beer named after him, Bishop’s Farewell, which uses a Maris Otter malt
[See it here]

American Song Contest: New Boot Goofin’ again
[Recap on Gawker]