The Trump Years, Vol. 1

We realise there’s going to be no shortage of Trump coverage today and that every minor detail is going to be reported, analysed and litigated to death. However, there’s been a handful of stories to come out of the Trump administration over the last four years that we didn’t think anyone else would touch on. So, for the sake of posterity, we’ve assembled some of them here.

If you’re staying up late to see what happens with the results, we’ve also put together a special edition of the Play-At-Home Popbitch Popquiz, seeing as we can’t throw a viewing party anywhere this year. It’s £5 for the full eight rounds, containing all the worksheets, questions and answers you need to play – and you can get it here.

Otherwise, we’ll see you on the other side…

Before she became the accomplished businesswoman and occasional threat to global security she is today, Ivanka Trump had teenage ambitions of becoming a fashion model.

Thanks to her family connections, she was seen for a number of jobs in the late 90s and became a bit of a favourite of Vivienne Westwood. Westwood’s team used to make a point of letting their models pick the music they wanted on in the studio as a way of helping them relax and feel comfortable on a shoot.

Ivanka’s choice of music, every single time? Jamiroquai.

Ever since Spy Magazine branded him a “short-fingered vulgarian” back in the 80s, there’s been a lot of talk about the size of Donald Trump’s hands – but there’s some evidence to suggest their tiny appearance might simply be down to a glitch in his tailoring.

Over the years, Melania Trump’s dad (Viktor Knavs) has been the lucky recipient of some hand-me-down clothes from Donald, but Mr Knavs had to take two of Trump’s jackets in to a shop in Slovenia for some alterations – because he found the sleeves too long.

Everyone seems to be braced for a long, drawn-out vote count, so if you need some things to fill the time, we’ve written a few longer stories over the last few years about how Trump, the media and popular culture all overlap in a horrible, writhing mess. Have a read!

From 2017: Our five-part story on the inglorious history of the National Enquirer, American Media Inc and what it means for Trump in Florida…
[The United States of American Media Inc]

From 2018: How the Hollywood Writers Strikes inadvertently sparked a cultural chain reaction that set the stage for a Donald Trump presidency – and a conspiracy overload…
[A Tale Of Two Strikes]

And slightly lighter: How much does it cost to host a Presidential Piss Party? We crunch the numbers…
[Read on Popbitch]

Since Sean Connery’s death at the weekend, various Scottish politicians have been trying to dampen a story that Trump tweeted out, suggesting Sean Connery helped grease the wheels to secure Trump planning permission for his golf course in Aberdeen.

Speaking of stories that involve Sean Connery, golf courses and claims of dubious provenance…

F writes:
“A mate of mine was out on a golfing jolly, sat in the clubhouse having a celebrity shag conversation. Sean Connery walked in, so a couple of the lads shout over to him ‘Hey Sean, bet you’ve had a celebrity shag or two… what’s your best ever?’ Connery just grimaced and walked out.

“Later on, some of the lads were still sitting around and Sean walks back in. He comes over to the table and said, ‘1964. Petula Clark. Up the arse.’

“Then he walked out.”

One of the earliest stories to break in Trump’s first term was the story of the pee tape: which supposedly showed Trump watching on as two women soaked a hotel mattress in the Ritz-Carlton Moscow.

There are those who will tell you it’s all nonsense, completely made up, a political smear. But, like so many crazy rumours, it’s not without some grounding.

The most plausible explanation we’ve heard of it all: Trump saw a golden shower act as part of an XXX-rated cabaret party he went to in Vegas in 2013 while schmoozing with Aras and Emin Agalarov ahead of the Moscow Miss Universe pageant.

Trump was supposedly so tickled by the routine in which two women urinated on one another, that he repeatedly brought it back up in conversation many times to the people with him on that trip. As such, the Russian contingent thought it might be a nice welcome gesture to organise a private encore when he arrived in Moscow later that year for the pageant.

Readers of the daily pandemic edition we put out are used to a little music quiz at the end of each issue. Today’s ten tracks are all songs that Trump has used over the course of his term – to the anger, dismay and legal threats of the artists who recorded them.

You get a point for naming each of the songs correctly, plus a further point for naming the artist/s you can hear performing them. With ten songs, that’s a possible twenty points in total.

[Play it here]

Kellyanne Conway’s early foray into stand-up
[Watch on YouTube]

Did Jared and Ivanka have a secret sex Spotify playlist?
[Read on HuffPo]

Sean Spicer and the Easter Bunny
[Read on Newsweek]

Has Donald Trump been as good for comedy as everyone said he would be?
[Read on FastCompany]

Why is Biden the bookies’ favourite if so much of the money in the market has come in for Trump?
[Read on Medium]