Toes Out For The Lads

Is there a Westminster First Wives Club starting? There’s been quite a few high-profile political divorces recently, so there’s no shortage of prospective members.

We ask because Sarah Vine is currently enjoying a little holiday in Ibiza after all the turmoil of the last month – and who else should be out there right now but George Osborne’s ex-wife, Frances. Fancy!

All they need now is Martha Hancock to buy a last-minute ticket, pack a few all-white outfits and they can bust out the cigars in time for the weekend.

Kerry Katona has climbed her way out of bankruptcy, turning over her first million on OnlyFans – which she attributes (in part) to selling custom ‘foot selfies’ to eager customers. She’s not the first person to harness the power of foot fetishists though.

Next time you’re flicking through a big profile of a male celebrity in GQ, almost certainly you’ll see a picture of them where – despite being otherwise fully dressed in a beautiful suit – they’re inexplicably barefoot.

This isn’t just some whimsical style choice. PRs have long since known that if you toss a little meat to the foot fetish community, it pays real dividends. People who may otherwise hate your clients’ movies, music or politics will become fans for life if they’ve got good arches and neat nails to show off. That’s why PRs insist that at least one shot of the set be sockless.

Which fancy London hair salon has a rather unexpected piece of art hanging on its walls? An original Rolf Harris…

It’s been a while since we’ve had a good old-fashioned celebrity superspreader event. We can’t remember if the last one was Rita Ora’s birthday or Kay Burley’s (and can’t be arsed to check) but Marina Diamandis’s recent announcement that she and five friends caught Covid while mixing indoors hints at what might be the most star-studded one yet.

The suspected site of her contracting it? Instagram comedian Jordan Firstman’s 30th birthday party – where other guests in attendance included Dua Lipa, Charli XCX, Tove Lo, Phoebe Bridgers, Christine And The Queens, Caroline Polachek…

If it breaks out any further, the devastation it could cause to Spotify playlists the world over is incalculable.

Gary Kemp has been on the promotion trail for his new album, his first solo attempt since the 90s. To help get a bit of press, select journos were sent clips of his new music video as well as a clip from the well-received spoof mockumentary that he and Martin did last year, ‘The Kemps: All True’.

A self-effacing send-up, All True saw Gary play himself as a prickly, sensitive artiste who whinges whenever he’s asked to talk about his time in Spandau Ballet, the legal disputes with former bandmates and how he wrote all the songs – as he only wants to focus on what’s important: his new material.

All very meta and ironic, but it seems like Gary’s having a bit of trouble shaking off that character.

The topics that his PR very non-ironically advised journos not to bring up with him? The songs he wrote for Spandau Ballet, the legal disputes with former bandmates and if there’s any plans to reform.

H writes:
“The Harry Thompson format you mentioned last week was called Drunk Review: a panel of pissed up students and twenty-somethings talking through news and current affairs, and possibly a bit of culture. Like Newsnight/Late Show with bottomless booze.

“The stomach-pumping may have been the last straw, but prior to that there were incidents of panel-members falling off their chairs, falling asleep on the studio floor in the foetal position, copping off with each other on camera, vomiting on themselves and each other, and one unfortunate soul who shat his pants.

“Anyway, whilst he was at Talkback, execs were all on the prowl for the next Big Brother cash-cow format – so Harry wrote an extremely and obviously sarcastic treatment for a show he called ‘Sex Island’, in which ‘…lots of sexy young people go around on an island and have lots of sexy sex.’

“The fact that Love Island ended up being made several years later showed that satire can rarely rival real life.”

With GBNews’s announcement that Mark Dolan is joining their roster, there’s been a fair bit of focus on the emerging talkRadio to GBNews pipeline. But the pipeline doesn’t just flow one way.

One behind-the-scenes type who left talkRadio for GBN has been making some discreet enquiries to see if their position at the old station is still vacant – and if they wouldn’t mind terribly taking them back.

All the recent talk of people stuffing flares up their jacksies has reminded a few readers of the comedian Chris Lynam.

Back in the early 00s, a promoter who ran a comedy club in Royal Tunbridge Wells found his setlist getting disrupted by particularly bad traffic. When it became clear that one of the booked acts wasn’t going to be able to make the gig in time, he asked headliner Chris Lynam if he could do an extra 15 minutes to fill the unexpected space.

Chris replied “Yeah, of course I can. I think I’ve got enough fireworks…”

Not having seen his act before, the promoter wasn’t quite sure what he meant by that. He wasn’t left in any doubt when Chris got to his encore though.

[Want to see his NSFW act?]

Interesting and edifying as arguments about political bias in the BBC’s hiring processes always are, it seems this latest one might not have emerged out of any sort of sincerely held conviction, but (shock! horror!) a case of bruised ego.

As has been well reported, Robbie Gibb supposedly tried to block Jess Brammar’s floated appointment as the head of the BBC’s news channels out of fear that she wouldn’t be politically impartial enough for the role. This, despite the fact that Gibb himself has happily bounced back and forth between jobs at the BBC and the Tory Party for the best part of three decades.

Of course, there could be any number of reasons why Robbie doesn’t think Jess is right for the role. But the fact he lost out on the Newsnight editorship to Ian Katz, who had Jess as his deputy, surely couldn’t be driving someone as esteemed as Sir Robbie Gibb to be so petty? Could it?

Want to win El Chapo’s hideout?
[It’s being raffled off]

A magic mushroom map of the world
[For… educational purposes]

Interesting follow-up on the ‘Mystery Chinese Seeds’ story from last year
[Read on The Atlantic]

Literal vintage book covers
[See on Instagram]

Why did Jeff Bezos’s spaceship look like a dick?
[The Guardian investigates]

The Foo Fighters’ Bee Gee covers
[Listen on YouTube]

Crony Connect lets you cross reference Companies House, the Electoral Commission and MPs Interests with one simple search
[Dig up dirt!]

Yacht Rock Beach Bar playlist
[Play on Spotify]

Still Bored?
It’s that time of year again. The Lambeth Country Show Vegetable Sculpture Competition 2021…
[Meet Cardi Pea and Carrot Southgate]