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QUIZ! On a Thursday Night. Very soon! 1st MAY – Popbitch Quiz is back: At the Roundhouse, Camden from 7pm. Get there early for 2-for-1 mojitos. Only 5 quid each. Get your team together, we can take big and small groups, reserve your table and get quizzing!
http://bit.ly/PY4iqF
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“Can’t wait for Belgium tomorrow! Are we supposed to eat Muscles and fries?” Sean from 5ive
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_| 17.04.14 ISSUE 686
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* Twisting our Mellons
* Eurovision: Ukraine v Russia
* Charts: Kiesza is new number one
>> Chinese whispers <<
Geographical determinism
Labour MP Gareth Thomas, has been getting a lot of media coverage for his campaign to get more East Asian characters in British TV soaps, and to stop them relying on outdated stereotypes.
And for which constituency is he the MP?
“Harrow”.
Nigel Farage is ten months younger than Johnny Depp.
>> Union flak <<
Beckham’s lucky escape
It was only September last year when London was overcome with the excitement of David Beckham’s restaurant partnership with Gordon Ramsey opening. According to the gushing PR hype, The Union Cafe was booked up solid for months, as punters rushed to get a table.
As we now know, David Beckham had nothing to do with it. And only six months into its life, the restaurant is looking a bit empty. Already they’ve resorted to tempting people through discount deals on online restaurant sites. Two courses for 19 quid, offered this week.
Benefits Street may be struggling to cast a second series, but a TV exec tells us there’s a Christmas Special in the bag.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week
Which laddish TV/radio ‘personality’ was causing a stink in a Chinese restaurant by bellowing racist jokes and comments – and encouraging his child to join in with him? He doesn’t seem to quite have a handle on the correct culinary references though as, bizarrely, he kept using the word ‘poppadom’.
Nice to see Denise Van Outen’s career going from strength to strength. Her new gig? Vlogger for theme park, Alton Towers.
>> Losing their shirt <<
Banking’s bonus culture
No-one predicted that Liverpool would be top of the premier league and favourites to win the title going into the last month. Not even their own sponsor, Standard Chartered, it seems.
There’s a story going around Anfield that, as part of the sponsorship deal, there’s a really hefty bonus due to the club if they win the league. The bank was said to be happy to include the clause as, come on, last year’s seventh placed team were hardly going to win out over the billionaires of Man City and Chelsea, were they?
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Need a long read for the long weekend? Issue Two of Popbitch Magazine is OUT NOW. Featuring an in-depth look at celebrity tax-dodging, the best Scandinavian pop, the story of the man who did what Max Clifford failed to do and all sorts of weird and wonderful things…
Download the app from Newsstand here: http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y
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>> Rich bitch <<
Twisting our Mellons
There are a lot of stupid, rich people about, but – unless the piece that ran about them in the New York Times this week was a parody – few are more boneheaded than Matthew Mellon and Nicole Hanley Mellon, owners of the new HanleyMellon clothing range.
If you don’t have any anger management issues, the whole piece is worth a read, but the most excruciating quote:
“I’ve never been to Africa, but I feel like I have this deep affinity for it,” Ms. Hanley Mellon said. “I’ve read every Hemingway, we collect Peter Beard, I’ve watched ‘Out of Africa’.”
Yay! Steven Seagal is back in the UK this summer with his band, Thunderbox, to tour their new album, Mojo Priest.
>> Unimpressed <<
Journalism protecting itself
The Impress Project is yet another thing set up by the great and the good – Harold Evans, Polly Toynbee etc – to “protect the future of journalism” (a.k.a “keep those pesky tabloids in their place”)
They’ve had a crowdfunding drive online for weeks and, with a few hours left, only 14k of their 25k target has been met. With just 28 donors so far.
Of these 28, 12 are anonymous, and at least four of the named donors are board members or connected with the Impress Project.
In the bible, “shrimp” are referred to as an “abomination” four times more than “homosexuality”.
>> Circle jerk <<
Hacking trial in action
Rumours around legal circles suggest the sheer number of young lawyers tasked with going through every single line of evidence to help Rebekah Brooks’ defence is pretty much unprecedented.
Coca-Cola has a rather sinister sounding new strategy. They’ve discovered no-one drinks soda at dinnertime, so their plan? To “infiltrate the family meal”.
>> Euro-division <<
Politics and pop
Seeing as the big story in Europe at the moment is Russia and Ukraine, all eyes will be on those two in this year’s Eurovision. But who will succeed when they go head-to-head in the first semi-final?
UKRAINE
When Mariya Yaremchuk debuted her song, Tick-Tock, we were struck by how incesty the lyrics were. (We belong to each other, like a sister to a brother etc) Sadly she’s now modified them, but there’s still plenty to enjoy. It’s like good Maroon 5 (if you can imagine such a thing).
RUSSIA
Clearly courting the paedo vote, the Russian entry is former Junior Eurovision winners, the Tolmachevy Twins. The song, Shine, sounds like every serviceable Eurovision song that’s ever been – but is it enough to win over the hearts and minds of Europe? We’re not so sure. The clip of Russia’s 2013 entry got booed very loudly at the London Eurovision party this year:
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#Sing for your supper and win takeaway vouchers from JUST EAT. What’s your song? Maybe something by Las Ketchup or Madoner: http://bit.ly/1eMD95R
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>> Hmms <<
Spidey, Tom, Mayor
Spiderman 2 – “Nobody seems to know how electricity works!”
http://bit.ly/1tdui0F
Think Middle of the Road were all Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep? A new girl band is covering their other song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQ8_oQHGDA8
The masked man who made people think Elvis was still alive gets a own movie, via crowdfunding:
http://www.orionthemovie.com.
Old radio themes tunes, in case you wanted to remind yourself how Jimmy Savile sounded:
http://bit.ly/1r20Kzp
The Mayor of Slaviansk lives in a house like this:
http://bit.ly/1j5Av6Q
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Thanks to: L, hyperboy, fo_shizzle, monstris, mountstnobody, DJ, SG, shagpile_perm, O, JK, G,
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Old Jokes Home:
The grim reaper came for me last night, but I managed to fight him off with a vacuum cleaner.
Talk about dyson with death.