Want To See My Fou-Fou?

It’s been a pretty indecorous week for the British press all round, but the Sun’s splash about Ben Stokes’ historic family tragedy went down like a particularly cold cup of sick. Word around News UK is that the backlash has marked the card of editor Tony Gallagher for good – not least because the sports desk had been counselling bosses against the story throughout.

It’s no secret that Rebekah Brooks has been gunning for Gallagher since Day Dot, but he’s always been kept in position thanks to his closeness to Rupert Murdoch, who sees him as a politically safe pair of hands to helm the paper while Brexit gets sorted.

But with an EU departure now on the horizon, this little misfire means that no-one at the Baby Shard is expecting to still see Gallagher there at Christmas.

It’s been a big week for prime ministers facing up to lurid rumours about themselves. David Cameron’s much-trailed autobiography was released today, in which he includes just one paltry paragraph about the only thing anyone wanted to read about: the pigfucking story.

Spoilsport that he is, Cameron brushes the whole thing off, pretending he found it all tremendously funny at the time – while making clear he denies it happening.

Compare and contrast that with Australian PM Scott Morrison, who appeared at the Press Gallery’s Midwinter Ball in Canberra last night, addressing the rumour we included in Popbitch a few weeks back about how he once shat his pants in a McDonald’s in Engadine in 1997.

Rather than deny it, he simply told the crowd of assembled journalists that the truth behind that story would have to “remain a mystery for the ages…”

Which former CBBC presenter once tried to involve a puppet sidekick in her seduction routine? Having brought a guy home for the night, she dug the puppet out while he was freshening up in the bathroom, then sat on the edge of the bed awaiting his return so she could have the puppet greet him with the line: “Hello! Would you like to see my fou-fou?”

Nick and Aaron Carter’s relationship has always been fractious, but it appears to have finally broken down for good with Aaron publicly calling Nick a rapist on Twitter, while Nick served Aaron with a restraining order claiming that Aaron allegedly threatened to murder his pregnant wife.

It’s always sad to see families fight so viciously, but the writing has been on the wall for quite some time with these two. Literally.

Back in the early 2000s, Canadian electro star Peaches was using a tourbus that had previously been a part of the Backstreet Boys’ fleet. On it, she kept finding dozens of small stickers stuck in the weirdest of places – on the top of cupboards, underneath the table, inside the drawers, etc – all with little messages written on them.

Messages like “Aaron Carter sucks alien cock”. Or “Aaron Carter has a mangina”.

EC writes:
“Back in 2004 I was working on a kids show called Tiny and Mr Duk for the BBC. We had the Cheeky Girls and their mother on for an episode. I went for a quick wee and in the cubicles I could see (and smell) plumes of cigarette smoke coming from one.

“When I came out both the twins were spraying themselves with tons of perfume and asking me not to tell their mum.”

A lot has been written over the years about Yoko Ono’s behaviour in recording studios. A fight that broke out when she stole one of George Harrison’s chocolate digestives is often cited as the thing that broke up the Beatles – and it seems her studio etiquette is still a bit patchy all these years later.

During a recent recording session, Yoko arrived at the studio one morning to find that an assistant had been working through the night trying to get things ready for her. They hadn’t slept, hadn’t eaten – and Yoko turned up with a massive bag of M&Ms which she laid down right next to her.

Yoko sat down, listened to the playback, made some notes, all the while munching away at her chocolates never once offering one to the famished, burnt-out assistant. Then, when she was finished, she took what was left of the bag, wrapped it up, popped it back in her handbag and went.

It’s barely been a fortnight since James Rea was announced as Richard Park’s replacement at Global and already there are some big changes being mooted.

Chief among the rumours is that they’re considering not renewing Chris Moyles’ contract at Radio X as he costs a fortune and hasn’t been able to pick up the ratings they’d always hoped he would. In the cold, calculating battle of Cost v Listeners, they’ve found that Johnny Vaughan is much better value – and the feeling is that they don’t need them both.

Here at Popbitch, we’re always happy to give people a right to reply if they feel we’ve ever misrepresented anything – and since last week’s story about Steve Smith cutting his stint at Grappenhall Cricket Club short after witnessing his teammates’ “boorish behaviour” we’ve been given some further information.

One of the club’s former captains remembers Steve’s time there well – although he describes it in slightly different terms. He recalls Steve’s experience at Grappenhall CC as being “Two nights in The Mulberry Tree. Two hangovers. Homesick, tears, flight home.”

Consider it added to the record.

To honour John Humphrys’ final day at the Today programme we had a little search through the Popbitch archives to see what we had on him – but quickly found our attention being snatched by an old email from 2005 that had completely passed us by at the time.

It was a report from Granada Studios (where John Humphrys was filming Mastermind at the time) sent in by a long-standing Popbitch source. They had spotted Jimmy Savile hanging around the corridors that week and overheard him giving an impromptu lecture on the secrets of comedy to… Peter Kay.

FYI: Apropos of absolutely nothing, the same email also informed us that someone had recently painted over the best bit of graffiti in the Granada Studios toilets “I CAME IN HERE AFTER RUSS ABBOT AND IT STANK!!!”

For all your RnB glass repair needs
[Call Glazing Squad]

The Kevin Spacey case has gone all House Of Cards
[Read on Hollywood Reporter]

Lily Allen’s favourite new sex toy (the Womanizer x Lovehoney Pro40 Rechargeable Clitoral Stimulator) can give women an orgasm within a minute apparently
[Check it out on Lovehoney]

Local News of The Week: Cone Shagger Edition
[Read on Wigan Today]

Massive semen explosion
[Safe for work – we promise]

The hot new youth trend? Setting dogshit bins on fire and huffing the fumes
[Leceister sounds funs]

Pepper spray – but cute…
[Look at the llamas!]

WeWork got Run DMC to play at a redundancy announcement
[How’s that for disruption?]

Still Bored?
Only five Popbitch Popquizzes left this year. Join us for one in October at Smiths of Smithfield for huge dollops of celebrity muck and miscellany – and win some prizes. If you read this far in Popbitch, you’ll be a perfect fit…
[Tuesday 1st October]
[Tuesday 15th October]
[Tuesday 29th October]