We Heard Guzzling

Mel B and Stephen Belafonte have a divorce hearing in court next Monday and all signs point to it being extremely messy.

Mel went on the offensive early, trying to pin the more salacious sexual stuff on Stephen. However, while he is undeniably awful and controlling, it seems that a fair few girls are lined up to back his claims that Mel was the dominant force in the bedroom.

Either way, it seems we’re going to be hearing a lot more about their antics in the coming weeks. Whether anyone is prepared to testify that Mel’s big ‘thing’ was to retrieve Stephen’s spunk from the girls once he had finished with them remains to be seen.

FYI: The word used to describe this habit of Mel’s to us was “guzzling” so the court reporter is going to want to get a good night’s sleep before this all starts. It might be their last one in a while…

The Index on Censorship held their Freedom of Expression awards last night.

Bianca Jagger turned up and very kindly expressed her solidarity for all of the journalists who have been arrested over the last year. By falling asleep.

Which Hollywood ex-teen star is following in the footsteps of celebs like Sophie Anderton and Anna Kournikova by getting paid to holiday with a certain sheikh in the Emirates? He’s a long way from high school now.

The day after we told you that News UK chief Rebekah Brooks was itching to ditch Kelvin MacKenzie’s column from the Sun, Kelv went and made her dreams come true by doubling down on his Liverpool attacks (on the eve of Hillsborough’s anniversary, no less) and tossing in a racially dubious garnish to top it off.

He was suspended immediately and an announcement about his future is expected soon. He’s going to get the boot, possibly as early as tomorrow (his next column was due on the 21st) though the snap election has perhaps bought the paper a little more breathing space.

Murdoch has already had to sack one big beast this week in Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly. Will he shoot down a second in the same week? With News Corp’s bid to buy its remaining share of Sky now hanging in the balance, of course. We wouldn’t be surprised if the knife comes out sooner rather than later.

Murdoch already shut down a whole newspaper to protect his Sky bid. A mate like Kelv is small fry in comparison.

That contentious Kelvin column might also be the undoing of Sun editor Tony Gallagher too. There’s been spin behind the scenes that he was away on holiday but, in reality, he was back in the editor’s chair when the blunder occurred – and it’s given Rebekah Brooks all the rope she needs.

Brooks feels that Gallagher’s hardline stances are a turn-off for Sun readers and advertisers, so is keen to pivot the paper away from politics and towards lighter, more showbiz-focused stories.

Up until now, Gallagher has been sitting pretty because Rupert likes having the ex-Daily Mail man there to keep the Sun’s foot firmly on the government’s neck until they deliver full Brexit.

However, now that a general election has been called and the prospect of an increased Tory majority looks all but nailed on – the combination of last week’s little boo-boo and a hard Conservative lead may mean that Gallagher ceases to be quite so irreplaceable after June 8th.

After targeting Hollywood stars like Jennifer Lawrence and Miley Cyrus, the latest iCloud photo hack has brought the nude pics of a load of British celebs to the internet.

Stacey Solomon, Alex Jones and Lacey Bangard have all suffered some unwanted column inches over it, but one of the victims (X Factor winner, Louisa Johnson) hasn’t had any namechecks in the tabloids. Why’s that?

Was it down to some expert arm-twisting from her label, Syco? Or was it the handiwork of her manager, Professor “Jonathan” Shalit? Hard to tell…

A tabloid sting gone awry? It was a more than a little curious to see pictures from that very same pap attack appear on the Mail Online as part of an otherwise innocuous “Matt LeBlanc Steps Out With British Girlfriend” story.

Especially as they chose to include one picture where the only person actually in focus was the unknown ‘dealer’.

A shame. We’re sure they had a really good “Top GEAR!” or “WRAP party!” headline for it. Certainly something good enough to warrant ambushing Rory like that.

Since his 2012 ban for cocaine use, jockey Frankie Dettori has made a very successful comeback in the world of horse racing. Earlier this week, he was at Newmarket trying to help a trainer decide whether or not to enter a much-fancied horse into the upcoming 2000 Guineas.

Sadly, Dettori’s time out on the horse in question wasn’t great. Which is weird because, on paper at least, Frankie Dettori and Escobar seem like a perfect pair.

Liz Taylor and Colin Farrell. Tom Cruise and Cher. Brad Pitt and Sinitta. Hollywood often specialises in odd couples – but Brett Ratner and Danny Cohen?

The former BBC big cheese made an announcement this week that his Access Entertainment had bought James Packer’s half of RatPac Films and will co-chair the film financing company with Ratner. How will that go?

Ratner is best known as the one who lost his gig producing the Oscars when he announced that “rehearsals are for fags”. Or maybe as the director who told Howard Stern of his talent for oral sex (as practiced on a young Lindsey Lohan), the size of his balls and the extent of his sperm count. Or possibly as the guy that Olivia Munn once saw wanking over a plate of prawns.

Cohen, on the other hand, was described by the Daily Mail as the “metropolitan, metrosexual, leftie luvvie”, gained plaudits for banning all-male panel shows and axed Jeremy Clarkson for his boorish behaviour.

What could possibly go wrong?

Sad news this week. Popbitch’s favourite wombat, Patrick, died. Thought to be the world’s oldest (certainly one of the biggest), the 31 year-old succumbed to old age.

So what social media animals can fill that wombat-sized gap this week? Try these:

* A baby hippo in the shower
http://bit.ly/2oq2BnV

* The skateboarding dog of Stoke Newington
http://bit.ly/2oq6QzM

* Birds that like La Bamba
http://bit.ly/2o7r45p

* Red Panda scared of rock
http://bit.ly/2pj0vKP

Within the hour, we received a rather stern email telling us that there were a number of inaccuracies in our story and we should correct the record as a matter of great urgency.

The list of errors in full:

1/ James Dacre (son of Paul) is the artistic director of the theatre, not the director of the play.

2/ Erm… that’s it.

We are happy to clarify

https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/greatsex/

http://bit.ly/2pGtbNH

12 year old Tye (son of Metallica guitarist Robert Trujillo) debuted in Korn this week:

http://bit.ly/2oTomNO

Florida’s pointless prison population:

http://bit.ly/2opSKP4

Sean Spicer as the Easter Bunny:

http://bit.ly/2oYU4LH

“The Steve Jobs of juicing”:

https://bloom.bg/2oO7Lgg

Talk like a comedy writer:

http://bit.ly/2pj5oUc

Still Bored?
Want to go cruising with the Backstreet Boys?
https://backstreetboyscruise.com/