Welcome To Paedophile Island

Julie Etchingham appeared to have a little bit of trouble getting Boris Johnson to shut up during Tuesday’s debate. If any other future moderators have that same trouble, they might want to ask him how he enjoyed his lunch at Olivocarne.

They’re unlikely to get a satisfactory answer out of him but if the story whistling around the newsrooms and chambers of Fleet Street holds any water, then it might just break his stride for a second.

Chatter among the media set is that the “lovers’ tiff” with Carrie was sparked by a rather long lunch that Boris had at the Belgravia restaurant with another young lady of his acquaintance. One that went so well, it ended up spilling over into the evening.

Though Olivocarne closes between lunch and dinner service, staff allowed Boris and his ladyfriend to stick around after hours to enjoy the peace and quiet. Once they were left alone in the empty restaurant and staff went back of house to prepare for evening service, the two lovebirds supposedly chose to share one final, rather meaty course on one of the banquettes there…

It was somewhat fitting that so many of the tributes to John McCririck were illustrated with pictures of him smoking a huge cigar and wearing ridiculous hats, as one of McCririck’s signature moves whenever he met a young lady that stirred his passions was to tickle the skin of her palm with one finger as he shook her hand.

The other person we know who used to pull a similar trick?

Jimmy Savile.

Has Simon Pegg had his head turned by Tom Cruise? Rumours suggest that Simon’s previously casual interest in his co-star’s practice of Scientology is starting to sound a little more serious these days.

It’s been interesting to revisit Jeffrey Epstein’s little black book in light of his recent arrest. The book of contacts – known to his inside circle as the “Holy Grail” – is a curious mix of international nonces and 90s British society figures.

(Or, in the case of Prince Andrew, both.)

Among the more surprising names to appear: Tamara Beckwith, Lady Isabella Hervey, Caprice, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, Liz Hurley and Chris Evans (listed with a London number, so presumably it’s that Chris Evans).

But do spare a thought for poor old Alistair Campbell. For not only does he suffer the indignity of cropping up in Epstein’s personal contacts, his name is misspelled – twice – as “Alistar Cambell”.

[See for yourself on Gawker]

We mentioned last week that Nicola Howson (David Beckham’s new PR) used to rep Kevin Spacey right up until the bitter end. Seems she did a hell of a job for him.

When staff at the Old Vic used to raise concerns with her about Kevin’s behaviour towards young male actors and interns in the theatre’s Pit Bar, this would be her standard response. She’d tell them that, as the entire media knew Spacey was gay, stories about his sleazing would never make it to print because in order to run them the papers would have to out him. And if they outed him, Kevin could sue – claiming a breach of his privacy.

So, she said, there was really no cause for concern.

Seemingly unaware that the staff were more interested in protecting the young men, rather than Spacey’s reputation.

It was strange to see Geoff Baker lurking about in the background at Heather Mills’ press conference earlier this week.

If you don’t know Geoff, he was Paul McCartney’s fiercely loyal former PR. They parted ways years back when Geoff was fired for leaking Paul’s location to the paps (Paul wanted to see David Blaine dangling in his perspex box privately; Geoff tipped off a snapper).

Still, Geoff was always quick to leap to his old master’s defence – even off the payroll – whenever Macca was criticised. During the famously acrimonious Mills-McCartney divorce, he went on record saying that Heather was “making a home for herself in the sewer” and that she was angling to become “the vilest woman in Britain”.

So what on earth was he doing furtively lingering in the doorway behind her as she announced her victory to the press outside court on Monday?

Maybe the sewer isn’t such a bad place to set yourself up after all?

To promote the launch of his highly anticipated new media project, Air Mail, former Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter has been using a testimonial from his old adversary Donald Trump: “Graydon Carter has no talent and looks like shit! Also, his food sucks!”

Using negative quotes as a promotional tool is very on trend these days. So what luck for Graydon that he has just been unmasked as the editor who personally intervened to remove accounts of abuse and testimony from Jeffrey Epstein’s victims from a Vanity Fair profile written about him back in 2002, telling the writer that it needed to be removed as Jeffrey was “sensitive about the young women”.

Looks like he’s going to have his pick of shitty quotes to choose from now!

This latest Tory leadership contest isn’t the first time that Michael Gove and Jeremy Hunt have gone head-to-head. During their Oxford days, the pair of them were locked in a romantic rivalry, fighting for the attention of one woman – who was sleeping with both of them.

Neither of them won out in the end as the woman in question ended up finding love with another Oxford contemporary, settling down and starting a family. But the Tory boys aren’t out of her life completely.

She asked them both to be godfathers to her twins. They got one each.

We would like to issue a correction regarding a story we ran last week. In the last issue of Popbitch, we claimed that Jeremy Hunt once tried to incentivise his overworked, under-compensated employees to work beyond their regular 14 hour shifts by offering them all mousemats with the slogan “I [heart] Hotcourses” printed on it.

We have since been made aware that this isn’t true.

He actually offered them their choice of a mousemat with the slogan “I [heart] Hotcourses” OR a ceramic mug emblazoned with the same.

We apologise unreservedly for the error.

Matthew Wright has gone full Brass Eye
[CRIME IS CONFUSING!]

T-Rex Racing
[See how they run!]

Celebrities who have signed toilet paper
[Harrison Ford’s is particularly good]

Daniel Sturridge’s dog wasn’t even the best animal that got burgled this week…
[Read on The Cut]

Jim Carrey in The Shining
[Watch on YouTube]

Les Dennis has put the kibosh on a guy wanting to name his pub “The Les Dennis” – so he’s calling it “Cease And Desist” instead
[Read on the Argus]

Bear cam is back!
[Look at them!]

Nominative determinism of the week: speaking a New Scientist Live, marine biologist… Helen Scales!
[See her profile]

Local News Of The Week: supermarket sardines edition
[Read on The Chronicle]

Still Bored?
We’ve got two Popbitch Popquizzes left until we take our summer break, so come and join us – and our delightful host, Tom Webb – for an evening of trivia, music, muckraking and more. Smiths Of Smithfield, 7:30pm.
[Tuesday 23rd July]
[Tuesday 6th August]