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Popbitch Quiz comes to Spitalfields on a Sunday afternoon! Check out the lovely Smiths bar, and all-new quiz with Tom Webb hosting and Will Barrett playing pop tunes on the accordion – Sunday 7th June. Info and advance tickets here:
http://bit.ly/1cRItoh
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“If the number one song is about your butt, that’s a problem” – Dave Grohl
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|_| |_|29.05.15 ISSUE 741
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* The Sheridan Smith Showdown
* More honourable members
* Charts: Jason Derulo for No. 1
>> Cheryl’s second crack <<
Coles to America?
Initially we thought that the Cheryl Cole/Louis Walsh spat was just another tedious bit of X Factor PR drama from two of Simon Cowell’s most seasoned self-promoters.
But then we spied a rather furtive looking Cheryl Cole waiting in line for a visa at the American Embassy this morning… so perhaps there’s another reason she’s raising her profile? (Surely the US TV comeback isn’t on again?)
RIP Professor John Nash. He’s with the angles now.
>> Extra careful <<
What not to say to Ross
Just in case you ever bump into Ross Kemp don’t, whatever you do, tell him how much you liked him in Extras. Kemp did the show not realising that it was all a joke aimed at him, and it really upset him.
Not only that, but it appears to have had a lasting effect. Members of his team have been warning new colleagues off the subject to stop any flare ups or tantrums.
Bless.
The spokesman for Iraqi army: General Saad Maan.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week
Which lucky member of the Game of Thrones cast managed to score not one, but two blowjobs at the GoT premier?
Prince Charles’ friendship with Jimmy Savile is well known, but less remembered is who Prince Edward chose to co-devise that Royal It’s A Knockout: Stuart Hall.
>> Honourable member <<
A very liberal democrat
Nigelbee writes
“Lembit Opik was in Alleycat club in London’s Denmark Street unsuccessfully trying to cop off with a very young woman in a tight leather skirt. I stood next to him in the gents and saw that he had a cock like a swan’s neck which occupied both of his hands. His attempted conquest never knew what she missed.”
Historic Gruesome Twosome? John Motson and Fiona Bruce.
>> Dog rough <<
TED talk is cheap
For a bunch of supposedly smart people, TED Talks sure have a poor understanding of copyright and intellectual property laws.
One of the videos that TED likes to use to break up the monotony of the talks at TED events is one they sourced from YouTube; of a dog called Argus being mischievous in a kitchen.
Argus’s owner found out that her daft dog was being used as the comic relief in between TED talks, and thought that the whole thing was pretty funny.
It became markedly less funny last month however when she received a cease and desist letter from TED, informing her that she was infringing TED’s copyright by having that video up on her YouTube channel. A video of her dog, that she filmed, in her own kitchen, and uploaded to her personal YouTube account.
How’s that for bold and innovative thinking?
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Grandstand ticket for Royal Ascot for 99GBP, with access to a private bar overlooking the track. Bargain!
http://bit.ly/1FPhc13
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>> One in the eye <<
The Sheridan Smith showdown
It’s unusual to see a celeb part ways with their publicist when their career is soaring, but it’s even more unusual to see the PRs being the ones dumping on the client. Such is the reported case with Public Eye and Sheridan Smith (they’re claiming she was ‘too difficult’) but we find it hard to believe it was really that way round.
At a screening of ITV’s Cilla biopic, Public Eye bods were on hand to yank a very smiley and chatty Sheridan away from any showbiz reporters asking her questions (yanking clients away from friendly journos is a signature move of theirs).
Things got even worse when the journalists filed their pieces. Sheridan’s team threw a shitfit over one very nice, mainstream magazine’s coverage – declaring in no uncertain terms Public Eye wouldn’t work with the reporter who stepped out of line.
Their big transgression? They had chosen to put Sheridan on their front cover….
You can read the full account here. (Perhaps Sheridan Smith had?)
http://bit.ly/1BqdXaV
Chuka Ummuna was castigated for his membership to super posh club M Den. Well, we can reveal he belongs to another… Streatham Fitness First.
>> Prank calls <<
Ooh, we love you RB
Now that he’s making waves in Albert Square, Richard Blackwood’s phone will be no doubt be ringing off the hook. Let’s just hope he remembers how to take a real phonecall.
Back when he was in the Shrek musical, stage door staff at the Theatre Royal noticed that RB would always exit the theatre on his phone, pretending (loudly) that he was taking an important call from his agent.
How did they know it was just pretend? Because the phone would occasionally ring while he was “talking”.
Where Are They Now? The alcoholic twin off of Hollyoaks is now Beauty Editor at Cosmopolitan.
>> Euro round-up <<
A little bit of hindsight
To the surprise of absolutely no-one, Sweden reigned supreme at the Eurovision this year. Least surprised of all was Sweden, who were so confident of their chances that they had already started asking cities to prepare Eurovision hosting bids a few weeks back.
Judging by the televotes alone though, Italy won the popular vote by miles. Sadly, that’s not how Eurovision works. The juries still have a tremendous amount of sway in the result.
And how did that affect the UK? Were we cruelly denied a place on the winners’ podium because of these stuffy juries? Erm. No. Not even close. The UK would have been 24th on phone votes, 25th on juries.
Ah, well. Always next year.
FYI: Sweden is Top 10 in 28 different countries download charts. Next best is Belgium, which is Top 10 in 16.
Finland’s punks would have made the final on the public vote. Yet another reason to can the juries.
>> Porn laws <<
Computer love in Leeds
Leeds United has a new nickname among Yorkshire football wags – who are now referring to the club as “The Axis”. Why?
Because they have a German manager; an Italian owner. And a large collection of Japanese porn was found on a lost USB stick close to their academy and training ground.
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WIN two festival passes for Soho Create, 1 – 7 June. Your pick of 15 sessions, including Tracey Thorn, Jo Malone and Rufus Norris; plus loads of goodies inc Groucho Club access. Name Tracey Thorn’s famous band – just email here:
competitions@milktwosugars.com
http://www.sohocreate.co.uk
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>> Hmmms <<
Snowden, Blackwood, Grace
Aston’s solo single has a touch of the Mark Ronson/Bruno Mars about it:
http://bit.ly/1J7BDam
Maybe we spoke too soon about Richard Blackwood:
http://bit.ly/1KAdQC0
The screenwriter of Grace Of Monaco live-tweets the film – surprisingly enlightening:
http://bit.ly/1LJ2dpp
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Thanks: mrsix, fayekorgazm, SG, RB, B, SD
Popbitch will be back in two weeks.
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Old Jokes Home:
Two Irishmen walk into a pub… hand in hand.
