Girlfriend In A Comma

Ever since pregnancy rumours were sparked, reportage of Cheryl Cole has been a blizzard of quote marks. After months of speculation with no official statement on the matter, Cheryl has now appeared in public looking very much pregnany – but subeditors don’t seem to know how to react…

The first whispers of Cheryl’s pregnancy started back in September, when the Sun published pictures of Cheryl’s mum buying baby goods in a branch of Mothercare.

They had no qualms about throwing around the words pregnant, pregnancy or baby bump at the time. The only thing they tried to couch in quote marks was the phrase “fuller face” (which had, apparently, also sparked some speculation.)

But since then, they’ve been a little more cautious. So has everyone else. With no official word from Camp Cheryl as to the fertilisation of her eggs, every report has been hedging its bets by referring to her pregnancy like it’s some sort of nickname.


Not only that, but they were talking about her ‘bump’ like it was some sort of alien deformity they couldn’t explain.

It stayed that way for a few months, while Cheryl continually refused to either confirm or deny that she was pregnant.

Then Cheryl stepped out sporting a fairly undeniable baby belly. This all but confirmed it in the eyes of everyone, but without an official confirmation what do they do? Do they still have to speculate and use speech marks? Or can they acknowledge what we can plainly see and make the call themselves?

This is how it’s panning out.

November 29th

The Daily Mail was the first to shed the speech marks.

While the Sun were still, as recently as the morning of the 29th, holding steadfast to their inverted commas…

…the Daily Mail went and put its cock on the block. Cheryl was no longer ‘pregnant’. She was pregnant.

So that’s what that ‘bump’ was!

November 30th

Taking the Mail‘s lead, the Sun quickly followed suit the next morning. According to them, Cheryl was now pregnant.

Her ‘baby bump’ became her bump.

Even her ‘fuller face’ became her FACE.

But then, at 10pm that same night, showbiz editor Dan Wootton suddenly became plagued with doubt. Suddenly “pregnancy” was back on the table.

So the Sun hopped back on the fence, where it joined the Mirror.

Meanwhile, over at the Metro, the conflict appeared to be deeper than ever. In the morning they were quoting ‘pregnancy’…

…then, on their lunch break, they decided we all have to stop discussing it entirely…

While also demanding that they tell us for definite.

December 1st

Having had a few days to review the pictures and come to their decision, OK! is still not convinced that Cheryl is actually pregnant.

We can’t say we blame them. If they hear anything like the number of stories we hear about Cheryl, they could be forgiven for wondering if this is all a stunt.

We’re sort of with them too. If only because this would make the perfect topper for the whole Chim conspiracy…