Primary Urges

Politics, in general, is a deeply unsexy business. Yet it seems our appetite for porn parodies is so great that people are even willing to script, shoot and sell political filth of all stripes. With the presidential primaries now in full thrust, who’s pulling ahead in the smut stakes?

After the tearaway success of Who’s Nailin’ Paylin? (and its many, many sequels) the porn parody has become a modern sign of political success. The tribute has been retrospectively bestowed on some of the biggest and best known presidents. The careers of George Washington, Franklin D Roosevelt, John F Kennedy, Richard Nixon, Lyndon B Johnson and Bill Clinton have all been sexed up and represented on screen by various adult performers.

Barack Obama too, as you might imagine, has proved to be especially popular with pornographers throughout his term in office – having been depicted in such titles as Presidential Briefs, White House Orgy and Barack’s Big Stimulus Package.

So who will be the next big politico immortalised in porn?

Mercifully there doesn’t appear to be any Ted Cruz, Jeb! Bush or Bernie Sanders scripts in production – but both the Republican and Democratic favourites have had money-shots shot in their honour.

Nina Hartley as Hillary Clinton

Nina Hartley has a number of porn parody credits to her name, including Rose in a sexy version of The Golden Girls, Frau Undawaren in an XXX-rated Austin Powers spoof, as well as parts in Anchorman, Bewitched and Addams Family send-ups.

She has also been portraying Hillary Clinton on screen for a while now, becoming sexually synonymous with the role the way that Lisa Ann became with Sarah Palin.

Credits as Hillary include: Who’s Nailin Paylin? (the original Sarah Palin parody); Hillary Earns The Black Vote (in which Hillary reaches out to the African-American community); and Between The Headlines (a lesbian parody in which a staffer catches her ‘comforting’ Michelle Obama).


Dick Chibbles as Donald Trump

If you were hoping that Marco Rubio counted as the Republican favourite, bad luck. It’s Donald Trump – and porn directors are evidently not squeamish about watching a Trump-a-like hump.

Dick Chibbles stars as Donald Tramp, a mahogany-faced, ginger-wigged racist – though, really, the bulk of our attention and admiration should go to Trinity St Clair who plays the poor soul that ends up getting slipped a length.

The trailer below is technically safe for work, but it still might be a little tricky to explain. Consider yourself warned.


Dick is not the only one to have taken on the gruelling part of The Donald in erotic cinema though. Long before he had any serious aspiration to take political office, back when he was the American Alan Sugar star of The Apprentice, veteran stud Kyle Stone portrayed him in This Ain’t Celebrity Apprentice XXX.

So it seems if Donald floats your boat, you have an embarrassment of riches.