Speaking of micro-penes, as someone is down there,
Let's say you're a relatively well-known Canadian heartthrob, who has been romantically linked with a screaming singer/songwriter who goes down on people in theatres, and who is famous for appearing shirtless and impressively bearded in a number of movies. Wouldn't it be awful if you were cursed with a microscopic manhood?
And then try and flog the discharge to America?
Yes, that's the one.
Reminds me- "Morning Septics- Happy 4th July Y'All!"
and one for the Lavender Hill Mob 
Scandal hit Germany last night (according to BILD)
as the national news last night showed an incorrect US flag. Apparently ARD (sort of equivalent of BBC) added an extra white stripe to the flag or somethingzzzzzzz)
maybe it had retracted at the sight of you.
some can do that, you know.
I was seeing a US Marine once,
he was really impressive physically and could do all them clap press ups with a man sitting on is back etc. Come the great unveiling i couldn't even wank him off it was so small i left in tears of laughter.
He was not laughing
It's very sweet
that you made him do press-ups for you before taking his trousers off. Almost ladylike.
Electrogal isn't fat
She's apparently really hot and people tell her she looks like some fit bird off the TV, only fitter.
Ice T's power was the best album cover ever
It was embossed around the figures, front and back, which meant you could trace your finger around his missus' tits and arse whilst wanking.
spank_daley 12:54, reply
Does Polly still write all his songs?
"If I've told them once, I've told them a thousand times. It's David Gilmour first, and Puppet Show last."
Yet somehow he manages to get engaged to one of the planet's
most desirable women. There is, as they say, no justice.
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Normal tattoos are for pooves and essex girls.
The thing to have now is to have them etched onto your skin by laser. Fuck me some people are retards.
About ten years ago, I had my hands decorated with Mendhi, the intricate henna patterns you see at some Asian weddings. The chap who did it had recently set up business in Camden, and aside from the odd dolphin or Tasmanian Devil, hadn't really done anything complex. The whole thing took three hours and the sweat was squirting out of his head. Later on, I was in a pub in Maidstone and a proto-chav looked at my hands and uttered "wossat?" - to which I jokily responded that I'd just got back from L.A. and had my hands laser etched. Hurt like buggery. Proto-chav and his mates were taken in by this and then bought me drinks for as much of the evening as I dared to stay there, which wasn't long.
Overlong? Ficticious? What do you mean?
Come on, rick, think these things through properly.
The woman who did my last tattoo
had branded herself on her upper arm, but the scar had gone wrong and it was growing very lumpy and had turned a sort of deep red colour. She thought it was cool.
That's just lovely
There was (and maybe still is) a tattoo place in Berwick street that had the walls covered with tracing paper showing past and present designs. There were an unseemly number of dogs - chihuahuas, boxers and many, many pit bulls. Some were quite large too. I've lost sleep trying to understand the compulsion to have a huge fucking bull mastiff etched onto your back.
If it is, then
that's where I had mine done. Lots of blokes in suits waiting for Prince Alberts in the next room.
Close, but no cuban cigar.
His first script was 'Highlander', which he wrote at UCLA and sold for a fortune. He then became a firefighter for three years and witnessed a friend killed by an explosive backdraft, which became the basis for the his next screenplay, called, uh, 'Backdraft'. He is our patron saint and before you can become a member of the WGA you have to have his visage tattooed on your cheek - right cheek for comedy, left for drama.
... Whose only produced screenplay in the last decade was
an Australian TV movie starring the one with no tits off Baywatch. Hmm.
Several!
But apparently those pencil-necks in Hollywood just aren't brave enough to greenlight my proposed John Leslie biopic.
I know!
Lisa Riley was *this close* to signing on for the Catherine Zeta Jones role, too.
We should work together
You can help me out with my zombie movie set in the catering industry (working title "Recipe For Disaster")
Mammy Mia?
Aint that right ladies an gennleman, eh? hahaha. What am I like?
spank_daley 12:20, reply
Anthony Bourdain's description of Ainsley Harriot
mugging and shouting at an appreciative audience of cow-like middle-aged women, who would immediately call the police if he ever wandered onto their housing estate, is entirely correct
I'll always love Ian Beale's revelation that when he was on Ready Steady Cook and had just won (or lost), the music was playing and they were
waving to the audience, Ainsley whispered in his ear 'look at these poor sad bastards with fuck all else to do...'
I liked SCOPB's description of Bourdain from a while back
"You didn't fight in Vietnam - get over it".
No, he's got a full sized picture of the face of Oliver Letwin fighting a dragon on his back
and a picture of the 1922 committee meeting on his stomach.
The Mark Lamarr tattoo does exist, although not on me
If anyone can find a more ill-advised piece of body art, I will buy them anything they want
Oh I'll think you'll find it doesn't get much better than Patrick Swayze as a centaur
And Ken Loach just off Bloomsbury st. It was when it was really hot and humid and he was wearing a huge and very thick looking leather jacket.
Eric probably told him he looked tres chic in it.
he was in the royal oak in didsbury village a couple of weeks ago
el Cantona not loach (he might have been but everyone in didsbury is either an estate agent or a retired lecturer so he wouldn't have stood out as much as le Roi)
His US manager
is very camp and wears full pastel coloured shellsuits..In other news, Morrissey has demanded that ALL backstage catering at tomorrow's Wireless is vegetarian, which has gone down like lead balloon with all the other acts appearing. There's been a sharp rise in requests for charcuterie platters on riders and some of the crew are planning a murder of their own.
Portakabin (TM)
The trade mark watch dog at Portakabin gets slightly arsy whenever journalists mispell his beloved company's name or misuse the trademark description. Private Eye and others have received slightly pompous cease and desist letters pointing out that not all 'modular buildings' are in fact Portakabins and moreover the name should never be spelt as 'Portacabin' or 'portacabin'. The Eye printed one such letter and then used the term repeatedly throughout the rest of the issue. It would be very childish if any journos/web editors out there were to mispell and misuse the name over the next week or so...
Since this is this afternoon's topic:
Hoover, Cashpoint, Cling Film,
PC, Television, Radio, Dustbin *
(* I may or may not have made some up)