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Give me your clothes, your boots, and a prosthetic bollock

I was out with a lady bodybuilder last night who says that old man Arnold Schwarzenegger is missing a testicle.

soapy_handerton 22:56, reply

dawnsyndrome 15:44, reply

how did he ever pull Shakira?

thatevilwoman 14:40, reply


deep_stoat 15:37, reply

Ed's a winner in the Game of Life

thatevilwoman 14:01, reply

Cue the 'Lonely Ed' meme...

mrsix 22:03, reply

When shall we three meet again

pink_oboe 17:18, reply

watching Ed try to speak is like

watching that scene in Oldboy

thatevilwoman 8:53, reply

Sturgeon: "Just look at the dickhead."

Wood: "Utter chopper."

Bennett: "Um, *cough* um, ah, erm, *cough*"

stan2a10shun 8:36, reply

you know.. ED stands for Electoral Dysfunction.

mrsix 22:25, reply

Ed is actually a player... (for balance)

Nigel however is all alone on the right.

mrsix 9:01, reply

They're all forrins, innit? It's their fault. Everything.

stan2a10shun 18:51, reply

Re Mailout: B Gillespie DRIVES???

edmor 14:14, reply

I stole his umbrella once.

A couple of months later it was pouring with rain. I didn't mind because I had Bobby Gillespie's umbrella. I popped into HMV on Oxford st and there was a thoroughly drenched Mr G looking through the CDs, sheltering from the rain. That'll teach you to try and chat up my girlfriend 12 years ago, you wanker.

deep_stoat 14:36, reply

That was all perfectly believable until you mentioned having a girlfriend.

plasticflamingo 15:46, reply

It's heartening what a mother will do for her son.

plasticflamingo 17:58, reply

So in love with Vanishing Point

was the streak of piss that he bought an orange Dodge Challenger and left it parked around Primrose Hill for the majority of the late 90's and early 2000s. I think the roadie drove it. He didn't. He got my mate to do a painting of it - I think he paid him upfront - for the cover of what was to become the Xterminator album. Then, due to fearsome levels of Bayer's finest diamorphine-based cure all, forgot about it. Years later a semi-clean Bobby bumps into him outside the Landsdown. 'Have yer got that painting mate?' 'Nah, I lost it' my mate lied. It was actually hanging above my fireplace. Fuck him.

gordonsalive 15:17, reply

Speaking of Madonna...

edmor 19:39, reply

richard ayoade on ryanair

to Oslo (torp - which is like saying London Nottingham).

I wanted to thank him for all the stuff he has done but I ignored him like most other passengers. I felt sorry for the famous and especially the wives (or husbands) of the famous. When we landed back in Stansted he waited for his wife by the ladies loo like a normal person. Because when all is said and done celebrities really are just normal, albeit middle class people, just trying to have a nice time without being harassed.

desperatehouseflies 20:00, reply

Think you'll find that was Percy Sledge

arch_crippledick 16:46, reply


thegingerprince 10:18, reply

Where is Dawny?

deep_stoat 12:01, reply

Do you mind? I'm in the middle of washing out my business!

dawnsyndrome 15:17, reply

pink_oboe 12:48, reply

Folkestone update

That Eastenders bar, opened by someone who was definitely in Eastenders has now closed again, it lasted eight months.

The other pub run by the guy who genuinely had a friend from Eastenders doing a star turn is still closed, since the landlord went to jail.

The Banksy is still gone.

pauly 8:39, reply

Tin Drum silent

Gunter Grasse deaded.

Midget drummers pay respects with 2 minute paradiddle.

bogarts_lung 12:10, reply

Come on, you can do better than that...

How about Gunter's Ass is Grasse.

webmong 14:23, reply

Grasse now greener.

deep_stoat 14:39, reply

Mailout: Public Eye have been useless

at PR for years. They handled Jude Law, and when Nannygate hit, the papers went to town because Public Eye never let Jude do interviews with them anyway, so they had nothing to lose. So much for PR muscle. Public Eye also favour a contract where interviewers have to sign an agreement that they will only use the quotes once. How Public Eye proposed to chase and punish re-use of quotes once in the public domain mystified all concerned.

celtiagirl 11:56, reply

Public Eye has always made the press hate their clients.

Film and TV companies hate them as they repeatedly decline much needed interviews only agreeing time to a very exclusive inner circle.

Even the clients get pissed off.

Jamie Oliver left Outside for Public Eye and lasted six months.

When the chinless Sloane assigned to him kept telling him not to talk to tabloids and just do a yearly fluffy Sunday mag shoot he had to repeatedly explain that Telegraph readers weren't the people he was trying to reach.

He eventually gave up and hired his own.

reverseferret 11:46, reply

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