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“We went to church every Sunday, religiously” – Khloe Kardashian
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|_| |_|26.05.16 ISSUE 787
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* Dale Winton: Perspirational
* Gary and Lisa: New BFFs
* Charts: Drake back at no 1
>> Thinking of EU <<
Turning over a new leave
BPopLive!, the pro-Brexit pop concert that Leave EU has been trying to stage, is giving ATP a run for its money in the shit organisation stakes.
Last month, they announced a line-up of Sigma, Phats & Small and DJ Luck & MC Neat, only to have them all pull out when they learned it was a political event.
Did the organisers learn from their mistake? Of course not.
This week they announced a brand new line-up including East 17, 5ive, Alesha Dixon and Sister Sledge who, again, all pulled out when they learned they’d been booked onto a pro-Brexit event.
With three weeks to go, a 15,000 seater arena to fill and a website which currently lists zero acts for a 23 quid ticket, it’ll be interesting to see who they’ll rustle up.
Goldie Lookin Chain might be up for it. They just put out a song called Auf Wiedersehen Mate. Maybe they’ll take your calls, Nige?
Andrew Ridgeley likes retweeting Brexit-friendly stories. Surely this won’t be the thing that sparks a Wham! reunion?
>> Star Wars <<
Doing it for the kids
The self-publicising stars of the 90s are older, but they aren’t any wiser. Now they’re training their kids up to carry on their legacy.
Maybe you noticed Brooklyn Beckham’s romance with Hollywood star Chloe Moretz getting pushed pretty hard in the press? Helped in no small part by Victoria, after she discovered Brooklyn had struck up a bit of a romance with Anais Gallagher (who, one can only assume, reminded Victoria too much of Cool Britannia; a time she’s keen to distance the Beckham family name from).
It was a lucky escape for Anais. Not only would getting wrapped up with Brand Beckham be a total nightmare, she’s now free to hang around with Rocco Ritchie and his mates. And properly A-List Madonna has welcomed Anais with open arms, having nothing but nice things to say about Meg and Noel too.
So far in 2016, 256 people have bought Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport by Rolf Harris.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which well-known comedian demanded that his ex return all of the letters that he sent her when they broke up? Not for sentimental reasons, nor out of spite – but because he wanted to crib them for his memoir.
Also in 2016, 171 people have bought Do You Wanna Touch Me by Gary Glitter.
>> Backdoor dealings <<
Hulk’s secret sugar daddy
There was a strange twist in the Hulk Hogan v Gawker case when it emerged that bizarro billionaire Peter Thiel (a co-founder of PayPal) had secretly been bankrolling Hogan’s legal case to the tune of roughly $10m in an attempt to crush Gawker as revenge for outing him in 2007.
It’s interesting that America would allow a rich man with a well-publicised grudge against the press to piggyback on the invasion of somebody else’s privacy – letting them stump up millions in legal support to push through a case against a particular publication as a thinly-veiled punishment for stories that had been written about them in the past.
Not the sort of thing you’d ever find happening here.
Backstreet Boy Nick Carter has a new son called Odin. After the one-eyed, Norse god of death and war. Who had a wolf called Geri.
>> Drama queen <<
Life before politics
Someone who was at drama school with SNP seductress Serena Cowdy says that she once had a whirlwind weekend with Inspector Rebus after seeing him in a play.
Say what you want about her, she certainly has a type.
Stevie Wonder headlined Salesforce’s convention in Atlanta recently, including a DJ set where he cried when playing a Prince song. Bless.
>> 5, 6, Emir-ate <<
Gary and Lisa are BFFs
It can be an awfully lonely existence for the D-list tax dodger out in Dubai, but we are thrilled to tell you that two of Britain’s favourite ex-pats have struck up an unlikely friendship.
Gary Rhodes and Lisa Scott-B-List-at-Capital are bosom buddies these days. Not only have they been seen palling around the city together, but Lisa and her husband have been hiring Gary to do the catering for their recent parties.
Given the lukewarm reviews that his fine-dining cinema has been getting, the money no doubt comes in handy.
The title of Joe Jonas’s Cake By The Ocean came from his Swedish producer, misremembering the name of the cocktail Sex On The Beach.
>> Fan fiction <<
How not to source
Football fan parody accounts and fake stories are everywhere. This week’s feverish “Andros Townsend to Sporting Lisbon” story (which even made it as far as the Portuguese press) seems to have come from a Sunderland fans’ messageboard.
A joke about a Newcastle star by their local rivals gets picked up as if a true story by the Sun Online and then spreads like wildfire. It could be a long, long summer if this is how the transfer rumours are getting sourced.
Dom Joly spotted in The Electric: “Loud, boorish, rude to staff. Hope he’d done a lot of coke otherwise there was no excuse.”
>> Perspirational <<
Winton: light on politics
Dale Winton is the latest celeb to come out in favour of Donald Trump’s Presidential campaign. One of the reasons Dale gave was his admiration for Trump’s lighting man. According to Dale, Trump’s is really good.
This might seem like a facetious point, but lighting has always been a hot topic for Dale.
Poor Dale’s had such tough times keeping his sweat in check under the heat of studio lights that he’s resorted to sometimes wearing sanitary towels under his armpits to stop any patches from showing.
FYI: Dale on Trump. We can’t quite believe it’s not a spoof: http://bit.ly/27TOKrK
Increasingly, it sounds as if Aiden Turner not Tom Hiddleston is the insiders’ tip to be the next Bond.
>> Popbits <<
Sound of Summer
* Craig David: One More Time
Bringing old school garage back
* Gnash ft Olivia O’Brien: I Hate U
I Love U The new Lukas Graham/Gotye style global smash out of nowhere
* Yo Preston: Fuck Yourself
If the Eamon/Frankee era was your kind of summer pop then you’ll enjoy this response to Bieber’s Love Yourself
Arsenal’s Alexis Sanchez has labradors called Atom and Humber. He hired a private jet to take them back to Chile for their holidays.
>> Moneyballs <<
The needle swings back
It’s no wonder that Kasabian can afford to be so generous with their song rights. The band was once paid 300,000GBP to write a song specifically for the Premier League.
The exclusive song they handed in was so bad that the media company in charge turned it down, and instead settled for using one of their already-released hits.
Kasabian got to keep the 300 grand too. Jammy bastards.
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Media Focus Podcast Roundtable: Do women get a fair deal in the media? Three senior execs discuss the problem and debate solutions. Listen: http://www.mediafocus.fm
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>> Hmmms <<
Mixes, Mensch, memoirs
Louise Mensch is developing a Madonna-esque transatlantic accent:
http://bit.ly/1sBvPCg
Want to help Zippy off Rainbow fund his memoirs?
http://bit.ly/1U9aG86
The theme from the Pink Panther in a major key:
http://bit.ly/1WWiBwp
Seems as though Twitter’s legal team has been warning people not to post our non-injunction breaking article on injunctions:
http://bit.ly/1RqGKT8
The Harvey Price story made it onto Californian radio, on the Bigger Picture show:
http://apple.co/1Yadbe5
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Thanks to: Dom Kaos, meow, manikman, KM, TS, YL, Vegas F, deep_stoat, _______, DF, ML, pilchardboy, PS, JW, Kerching
Thanks to: Everyone who bought quiz tickets. We’re sold out now, but back in July. Details soon!
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Old Jokes Home
The speaker at an EU conference asked, “Can you see me?”
“Yes”
“Oui”
“Si”
“Ja”
Still Bored?
English PEN are hosting an event tonight to discuss freedom of expression. Tickets/Info:
http://bit.ly/1XUZim5
