Bitcoin For Keanu

It’s a good job that Meghan Markle is a woman of means because, according to a report we’ve heard from one of Prince Harry’s exes, the Ginger Prince is a bit of a tightwad.

Even though this ex was on a proper pauper’s salary at the time the two were an item, Harry didn’t once offer to pay for anything for her on a date. Not a cinema ticket, no going Dutch on dinner. Nothing.

Now that he’s found himself unexpectedly out of a job, Bryan Singer could maybe use the time to unwind a little. He’s such a workaholic that he barely ever takes a moment to himself to relax.

In fact, his schedule is so hectic that he even brings his PA along with him to facial appointments so that she can take notes for him while he has his T-zone buffed and his blackheads squeezed.

It’s no wonder that so many of his relationships ended up taking place at the office…

To anyone who was worried that office Christmas parties in the British music industry were going to be tame this year: which party was rocked to its core when somebody got so drunk that they lost control of their faculties and ended up producing a rather well-formed yule log on the dancefloor?

There’s a scene in the 2009 documentary Starsuckers where director Chris Atkins covertly filmed Max Clifford talking about the many services he’s provided to celebrity clients over the years.

As Atkins is currently in jail (and Clifford is currently somewhere between jail and the ground) we should maybe take this as an omen not to get involved, but: there’s one section where Clifford boasts about how, for ten years, he was retained by a famous A-list actor.

This actor’s particular thing was (in Clifford’s words) “groping and whatever in the back-row of a cinema where his movies are on”. So Clifford would see to it that every seat in the cinema surrounding this actor would be filled with his own people, so as to keep any back-row ‘incidents’ contained.

The actor’s name was redacted in the documentary – but anyone who thought it was inappropriate for John Oliver to bring the topic up at a recent Q&A screening may wish to reconsider that position.

In the early 2000s, as his star was in the ascendancy with Pop Idol, Simon Cowell was practically part of the furniture in Max Clifford’s office.

One day, Simon was idling about while Max was busy attending to some business for another client. Looking for something to keep himself entertained, Cowell’s eyes fell upon a newspaper on the desk.

“Oooh,” Cowell said, looking at the buxom beauty on the front cover, “she’s fit.” Only to come to the sheepish realisation when he picked the paper up that she was supposed to be his latest kiss’n’tell conquest.

Max Clifford was responsible for some truly ludicrous and implausible celebrity stories in his time, but he kept the most ludicrous and implausible one back for himself.

One of Max’s favourite tales he liked to spread about himself involved a threesome. He claimed he’d left a client to enjoy a bit of private time with two ladies, when he spotted said client’s wife coming home.

Quick as a flash, Max sprinted upstairs. When the wife burst into the bedroom seconds later, the client was hiding in the wardrobe – and Max had jumped into the bed, ready to take the blame for the ladies.

AJW writes:

“I once worked with Keith Chegwin and he told me that his role in Extras was not written with him in mind. Mind you he also informed me that he invented Adobe, and this was in a clean-and-sober state, so the Lord only knows what’s going on in his mind.”

Allsorts_UK writes:

“A few years ago I had the pleasure of attending a quiz night hosted by Keith Chegwin. At the end he was good enough to sign some autographs. I thought it would be a giggle to show the chaps at work so I went up. Keith was very smiley and asked what my name was. I responded and went back to my seat, autograph in hand. When I sat down and read it, it just said:

“‘To Mike, Get Fucked, Love Cheggers’.”

If you’re one of the people who always confuses Keith Chegwin with Les Dennis, don’t worry. We’ve got a Les Dennis tribute lined up for you too – even though he’s not (at the time of writing) dead.

After separating from Amanda Holden, Les would often be found happily drowning his sorrows in the Groucho Club making all sorts of new friends. One night, after the club called time, Les didn’t want the night to end – so invited his drinking buddies to come back to his house to watch a film in his private screening room.

The guys all agreed and piled round to his. Upon arriving at Les’s little home cinema however, they were rather surprised to find all of the seats were filled… with lifesize cardboard cutouts of A-list celebrities.

The only seat that was free was Les’s – front and centre. Sat next to him? Robert DeNiro.

What with all the wigs and the robes and the antiquated traditions, the British courts are often derided as being dusty old relics. However, they’re currently in the process of a rather significant (and long overdue) tech overhaul.

Throughout 2018, all UK courtrooms are going to be replacing all of their old VHS players with DVD players. Just as everyone else in the world is shifting to flash drives, cloud storage and streaming as standard.

A few years back, shortly after Dan Wootton joined the Sun’s Bizarre section, someone decided to play a little prank on him. They sent a rather burly gentleman to drive round to Wootton’s house and pitch up in a parking space outside, where he stayed all weekend. He was joined at various points by a rotating group of friends who all came to hang out with him.

After twitching his curtains all weekend, by Sunday night Wootton had had enough. He snapped, stormed out of his house, banged on this bloke’s car window – threatening him with the police and citing harassment.

The guy wound down his window and – knowing full well how much the words would annoy him – said:

“Sorry, mate. I don’t know who you are.”

All the mixes you could ever need
[Browse on 500mixes.com]

Kenny Loggins has recorded a version of Highway To The Manger Zone
[See on Facebook]

Otter in the snow!
[Watch on Twitter]

Lovehoney have launched the Vibebot: an interactive guide to help find the perfect vibrator
[See on Lovehoney]

Best place to keep an eye on the Xmas number one? Chart Watch now has its 25 years of archives online
[See on Chart Watch]

This week’s Media Masters podcast features a conversation with Farrah Storr, the Editor-in-Chief of Cosmopolitan
[Listen at Media Masters]

Local news of the week
[Via the Coventry Telegraph]

Cheggers recalls the day Roman Polanski told him to take off his underpants
[Read in the Telegraph]

As people are still asking if East 17’s Stay Another Day is technically a Christmas song…
[Read on Popbitch]

Help homeless people this Xmas. £5 will buy much more than a hot meal. With your help people on the streets need not spend the holidays alone
[Donate at Connection At St Martins]

We always said their days were numbered.

Still Bored?
Buy exclusive tees designed by the Libertines, Jimmy Eat World, Mr Scruff and more – and support UK charity Trekstock. For 10% off, use the promo code POPBIRD
[See on YellowBirdProject]