Bolton V Badger

It’s been a tough couple of weeks for alleged sex pests working in the entertainment industry – but not everyone is getting such a rough ride.

For example, Smooth Radio have lined up ‘Dr’ Neil Fox to host a new primetime show on their station. They seem to be a little reluctant to announce it for some reason though. Can’t think why.

There’s often no telling what makes a celebrity marriage successful, but complementary cocaine habits could be the key.

We’ll know a bit more about it when one soon-to-be-wed celeb couple tie the knot. Word is that while she is extremely sensible and sticks to very modest portions, he has a seemingly boundless appetite for the stuff and is always happy to get stuck in to any leftovers.

Which journalist – the author of a recent hot take on the Weinstein scandal – caused a few raised eyebrows around his old newsdesk? Some of his fanny-owning former colleagues have very specific memories of him turning up to their office parties and greeting them with a firm, Trump-style grab.

One of the managers of Dion bar in St Paul’s has just been jailed for 28 months for supplying coke to customers who ordered a specific drink off the menu. We can’t say we’re surprised. There’s a long history of City types stealing old Soho traditions and fucking them up.

In the 90s there were two famous Soho restaurants (proper celeb haunts) where the famous and well-connected could buy cocaine for the table. You’d go in for lunch, rack up a huge tab and if you fancied a gram of gak to finish things off, it would get added to the bill as “sundries” or “extras”. So you could claim it on expenses.

The news just keeps getting worse for Harvey Weinstein. This week, Hollywood’s hotshot lawyer, Charles Harder, stepped down from Weinstein’s legal team – presumably the result of some “artistic differences”.

It’s a pretty bad sign when a lawyer who was prepared to defend a monstrous sex pest like Roger Ailes can’t see any conceivable way to make a decent case for you. And it’s not as if Charles Harder is after an easy life either.

Hours after stepping down from Weinstein’s team, he signed up to represent… Jared Kushner!

In 2009, as part of a reader Q&A, the Brighton Argus asked David Cameron who he thought would win in a fight between a baboon and a badger. Unsurprisingly, Cameron ducked it – but now there’s a hot new question at the centre of cross-species political pugilism.

UKIP leader Henry Bolton has been bragging this last week that he could kill a badger with his bare hands. Which prompts the question: Who would win in a fight between a Bolton and a badger?

We asked our resident countryside expert for their opinion on the bout.

“Every bit of a badger is over-engineered and unusually strong: bones, teeth, even skin. There are many stories of bullets bouncing off their skulls, cars hitting them at 30mph with seemingly no effect etc. They are also extremely fighty when threatened. There’s a reason farmers go after them with guns and don’t just punch them to get them to leave.

“I reckon in hand-to-paw combat any UKIP member would get savagely bitten – and hopefully die of sepsis.”

If you’re starting to worry that there are no wholesome male celebrities left, here’s a little antidote.

During his wilderness ‘solo’ years, Gary Barlow used to spend his Friday evenings playing badminton on the doubles court at Frodsham High School, where his mum Marj worked as a lab technician.

Although he kept himself to himself while he was there, and didn’t speak to any of the kids who were fans, he was so grateful to the school for letting him practise his stroke (and get back in shape) that, when he became famous again, he gave them his old CCTV system as a thank you when he had a new one installed at his house.

Last week, we published the first part of our new four-part series on the strange political power of American Media, Inc. – and how one seemingly insignificant cancelled booking at Mar-A-Lago could well prove to be catastrophic for Donald Trump.

Part One dealt with the National Enquirer’s early ties to the mob, and how a botched Mafia hit-job in 1950s New York indirectly led to a huge boom in the tabloid industry of 1970s Florida.

In Part Two, we deal with the Enquirer’s ties to Roy Cohn – the lawyer who secured the death penalty for two Americans accused of giving confidential military secrets to Russian operatives, and would later prove instrumental in paving the way for Donald Trump to do the exact same thing…

[Read Part Two here]

Diana liked to say “bitch”. The Olsen twins preferred to say “prunes”. We’ve given you plenty of advice these last few weeks on what’s best to say when you’re having your picture taken, but what about live performances?

Noel Coward had a good trick for ensuring he could muster up a sincere smile at the end of a show, even for the sparsest matinee audience. While bowing and waving to the crowd, he would clench his teeth and quietly say “silly cunts” under his breath.

Barry Humphries is supposedly a fan of the same technique.

So here’s a hedgehog stuck in a croissant…
[Watch on YouTube]

…a bat licking a banana…
[Watch on Twitter]

…and a raccoon trying to catch raindrops
[Watch on YouTube]

Experience the many disappointments of driving for Uber from the comfort of your couch!
[Play the Uber game]

Blue have still got the moves…
[See on Twitter]

Fidget spinners in space
[Watch NASA astronauts play]

Need a little soothing?
[See the Soothing Space]

Long, weird, interesting read about the legal minefield of internet mattress companies
[Read at Fast Company]

Headlines don’t come much better than this
[See on Bristol Post]

Goldfish suffer from depression
[Read at NYT]