Club Trumpicana

It’s been a big week for people with no experience getting plum jobs in journalism. Not only is George Osborne due to take up the editorship at the Evening Standard, another person with great contacts has an exciting new job.

Emily Clarkson (daughter of Jeremy) has been given her own column in Fabulous, the Sun on Sunday’s supplement mag.

It’s not usually the sort of job you step straight into, but somehow reliable Rebekah Brooks has managed to sort it for her Chipping Norton buddy.

No matter how sensitive the story, you can usually rely on journalists to stomp all over it in their size nines. But with the terror attack in Westminster yesterday, we can’t decide who was most tone-deaf.

Was it the Guardian – who took the chance, while the newsroom was scrambling to cover the unfolding story, to let their journalists know there was going to be more redundancies?

Or was it Sky News – who had one senior member of staff post this update to Facebook: “I know it’s awful to say – but calling the shots in the Sky News Gallery was very good fun. Thoughts of course with the dead and injured…”?

Which Hollywood indie favourite, who cheated on his first wife with a model, is spending a fair bit of time visiting one particular strip bar? (Wonder if wife number two knows?)

Donald Trump Jnr may be acting tough on Twitter arguing with Sadiq Khan, but he hasn’t always been so brave.

Once when he visited Oxford, he decided he wanted to go to the Zodiac club. First he sent people in to check he could come in. Then he sent more people to sweep the venue before he finally turned up himself, surrounded by security. Don Jr headed straight for the “VIP” section but was so terrified of the people in there, and the general debauchery, that he turned round and walked straight out on his lime green heels. Sad!

Chelsea Clinton, on the other hand, used to go to the Disque Vogue night at the same club and happily dance the night away. (You could always tell where she was on the dancefloor due to the two large security men who would stand motionless on either side of her.)

weinerbalcony writes:
“I attended high school with a perfectly nice, well-adjusted and wealthy grandchild of David Rockefeller.

“For one of our English classes, we were required to bring in a cheque for $18.75 to pay for a handful of paperback books required for the course. But when our teacher came round to collect the cheques, this kid suddenly got very bashful and said he’d have to bring in a new cheque the following day, as the one he had was for the wrong amount.

“The night before, when he had asked his mother for a cheque for ‘eighteen seventy-five’ she, without reserve, wrote one out for $1,875.”

Anyone who thinks Gary Lineker might have turned a corner since his days of stealing people’s crisps on adverts for Walkers, we’re afraid we have some bad news. He is still on the rob.

On Tuesday, at a Starbucks in Barnes, Lineker and friend appeared to be struggling with their bags as they left. They placed them down on someone else’s table to get themselves together, but it was only when they had gone did the gracious table-sharing customers spot that, along with their bags, they’d taken a lemon muffin.

A lemon muffin that belonged to an eight year old girl.

FOR SHAME, GARY LINEKER!

Panto villain and paedo-defender Milo Yiannopoulos came fourth in the recent vote for Glasgow Uni Rector. Which maybe sounds like a minor victory for the bad boy of the internet – but to put it into a bit of context:

Milo got two votes fewer than the former business secretary, Vince Cable – a politician who was directly responsible for trebling the cost of university tuition fees. Meaning that the students actually preferred a guy who has literally cost many of them 18 grand each.

FYI: Vince and Milo both got a mere 10% of the vote of eventual winner, Aamer Anwar.

Chuck Berry was always the consummate rock star. When he released his autobiography he went on a book tour to promote it and uber-agent Caroline Michel turned up to accompany him on his travels. Chuck had no idea who she was and simply assumed his publishers had sent her to give him a blow job on the plane.

She politely declined, and refused to fly with him.

What with all the stories about Jamie Vardy’s role in Claudio Ranieri’s sacking, we worried the negativity might derail the plans for the Hollywood biopic.

On the contrary though, it seems Jamie and Rebekah have managed to turn the whole thing into a chance to grab a few sympathetic headlines. Their people have been touting stories about Jamie receiving death threats and how Rebekah was “almost forced off the road” by fans.

Thankfully, the indefatigable Mrs V was extremely stoic, back out in public immediately with friendly paps in tow. (The same ones who always seem to keep Karen Danczuk in the news, by complete coincidence…)

FYI: Last we heard of the film, James Corden was tipped to play Jamie, Meghan Markle as Rebekah and “ambitious plans are in place for Danny Boyle and Guy Ritchie to be director.” Not bad for a film by the screenwriter of Goal! and Goal 2: Living The Dream.

If you’re impressed with the way that Russia is tying American politics in knots right now, Act II is currently taking place with Eurovision.

Remember last May, when Russia had the big favourite to win, but lost out to Ukraine’s trip-hop number about Stalin deporting the Tatars from Crimea? That really put one over on Putin, right?

Well, this year Russia are showing how you play a proper PR masterstroke.

They selected a young singer in a wheelchair. One who’d played a gig in Crimea last year – an action, it turns out, that is against local laws. So the hosts have banned her from the song contest, making Ukraine the bad guys and somehow Russia have become the downtrodden disability-championing goodies.

FYI: Meanwhile…
http://bit.ly/2mvQn05

The most unsatisfying video in the world:
http://bit.ly/2nMGYlh

A playlist of songs to do CPR to (though maybe ignore Another One Bites The Dust):
http://spoti.fi/2mvZCh0

Martin Clunes really wants to find this dog:
http://bit.ly/2mXYM8O

This celebrity branding expert “reveals the people, products and brands that do it best – from YouTube sensations like Pew Die Pie to taxi-hailing app Uber”. Presumably doesn’t read the news then:
http://bit.ly/2mXKlBG

Is the iPad over?
http://bit.ly/2mTQwpz

Someone’s made the Trump piss-tape in claymation:
http://bit.ly/2nV7ENc

“I guess I can’t be doing so badly, because I’m president and you’re not. You know?”
http://ti.me/2ngoSXl

“Thanks,” I said. “I’ll have the soup.”

Still Bored?
Need a special lift today? Watch orphaned sea otter cubs being fluffed:
http://bbc.in/2mvXEgs