Coffee With Heraclitus

Popbitch-reading professional coach and corporate strategy guru. Achieve personal and business goals with an expert. Or just talk otters. Get in touch, you might like it:

http://www.storypositive.com/

“To me, Pepsi is more than just a beverage. It registers as a pop culture icon and a lifestyle that shares a voice with the generation of today” – Kendall Jenner
“[We] apologize for putting Kendall Jenner in this position” – Pepsi

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* Paul’s ping-pong party trick

* Celebrity chang connections

* Charts: Ed Sheeran still No 1

>> Foxy bingo <<

Escorts, bestcorts

Selling your kiss’n’tell to the tabloids will guarantee you a payday, but if you have a bit of moxie you can make the story pay and pay.
Take Valerie Fox, for example: the star of the latest boak-inducing sexscapade of Nigel Farage. Selling the story of smooching with Farage in an aeroplane may have netted her a few thousand, but with all the recent exposure, she now commands double her usual escort fee.
Not bad for a couple of stubby column inches…
Take a look:
http://archive.is/f5Hji

Looks like Valerie’s also using it as a chance to promote herself as a private tutor too, as you can get an “A-Level Extra” for another hundred.

>> Surprise, surprise! <<

Paul’s ping-pong party trick

Blind Date is on its way back to C5. Melanie Sykes is going to be taking the place of Our Graham, while Paul O’Grady will fill the shoes of his old pal as host.
And how closely will he try to mimic the cosy presenting style of Cilla? Well, given that he spent much of the taping of the second episode pretending to fire ping pong balls from his imaginary vag, he’s either going in a radically different direction, or he knows some pretty impressive secrets about Cilla’s pelvic floor.

The biggest change at Blind Date? The budget. Contestants are no longer sent off to the Caribbean for their dates, but to Nando’s.

>> Big Questions <<

On the grapevine this week

The tabloids have spent years wringing headlines out of his health struggles, so what angle will they go with when this well-loved, but troubled, star reveals he has cancer?

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>> Chalk and cheese <<

Cocaine: the great leveller

One is a privately educated, Oscar-nominated star of high-brow film and TV, whose name is redolent of aristocracy and good breeding. The other is a raucous tabloid fixture, and salt-of-the-earth EastEnders legend who’d probably struggle to secure herself a reservation at her local Pizza Hut.
Yet this unlikely pair have recently discovered that they share a close friend in common.
They both swear by the same showbiz cocaine dealer.

Phil Neville on Radio 5Live today. “When Luke Shaw signed for Manchester United I was probably involved in the process of scouting him…” Er, Phil, only probably?

>> Grand National <<

Aintree, Saturday 5.15pm

Two of the high-street bookies reported a best ever Cheltenham festival, which is bad news for punters. We’ve got higher hopes for Aintree. Here are the three things to know when you pick your Grand National horse:
1. Don’t get carried away about horses who’ve got round before. The last seven winners ran in the race for the first time.
2. 15 of the 16 finishers last year were under 10 years old.
3. Favourites under-perform. Past five winners: 33/1, 25/1, 25/1, 66/1 and 33/1.
FYI: Bet early, as most free bets/offers disappear on Friday.
FYI 2: The three horses that keep getting tipped to us are Vicente, Blaklion and MeasureOfMyDreams. But if you don’t trust us, we’ve got some proper experts below.

FREE GRAND NATIONAL TIPS: Find bets for all three days of the Aintree meeting starting today, 6th April, from the exclusive First Past the Post Club:

http://bit.ly/2o6d9Lk

>> When Harry met Nicky <<

It was Styles over substance

We had high hopes for Harry Styles’ solo career. Imagine! The kid from One Direction who was late for X Factor rehearsals because he was busy getting a blowie in the car-park. The one who whispered that stuff about getting pussy in Matt Cardle’s ear. The guest at James Corden’s wedding who got a tugjob off of Natalie Imbruglia. He should be the perfect Popbitch pop star.
But the quotes that have been sent round in advance of his big solo launch on Grimmy’s R1 show look boring beyond belief.
On Adele:

“The thing with her is she’s a different thing, she’s just good at it, I like how she does everything, it looks very nice.”
On Ronnie Wood:

“I think I met him at a dinner party a few years ago…I think he is the nicest.”
On Chris Martin:

“I think he is a pretty wonderful man.”
On Ed Sheeran:

“He is really good”.
Which superhero would he be?

“I don’t know”.

In case you miss the interview – Harry likes: scented candles, fruit pastilles, brussels sprouts, routine

Harry hates: pissing in sinks

>> Pilger’s progress <<

Before John met Julian

F writes:

“Further to your story about the future publisher of Mail Online rubbishing the internet: My brother once organised a talk and book signing with left-wing journalist and documentary maker John Pilger at Waterstones back in the late 90’s.
“The Q&A afterwards was a bit quiet, so I stuck my hand up and asked if he thought that the internet would be useful for investigative journalism. He looked at me like I was deranged and dismissed the idea with a booming “NO”.
“Last I heard he was hanging out with Julian Assange. My brother got a job with Amazon and that branch of Waterstones has closed down.”

Former Tottenham boss Tim Sherwood has an interesting nickname in football. He’s known as Slips. Short for Slippery.

>> Eurovisionary <<

Not your usual pop star

The Eurovision’s hot favourite, Francesco Gabbani, was in the UK last weekend to play the annual London Eurovision Party.
Usually when they get hold of a mic, Eurovision acts will talk about how honoured they are to represent their country, or to insist that the audience believe in themselves and be true to their hearts. Gabbani, though – he had a different message for fans.
“Today I had the incredible privilege of meeting Desmond Morris in his home in Oxford… comparable maybe to grabbing a coffee with Heraclitus.”

Andrew Lloyd Webber’s first choice to write the libretto for Cats was Ian Dury.

>> Cheesed off <<

Tone-deaf Tory taunts fans

West Ham’s first season in the Olympic stadium has been quite the shitshow, what with muppet-style stewarding, half-baked facilities, bars running out of beer, etc – but it could still get worse. Last night’s abject defeat at Arsenal pushes them closer to relegation.
Knowing how anguished the fans must be at the minute, how did club CEO Karren Brady try to set minds at ease? By tweeting a photo of the vast dessert table and enormous cheeseboard she was tucking into at the Emirates.
A bold choice given that some Hammers fans have been debating setting up their own breakaway club, in part because they’re so embarrassed about the behaviour of their overlords. And given that a recent poll of fansites suggests that fewer than half of season ticket holders are planning on renewing, we’re surprised Baroness Brady of Knightsbridge had the appetite.

Popbitch’s favourite obstetrician-gynaecologist in Sofia, Bulgaria? Dr Natashka Deliverska.

>> Maya’s gold <<

More journo offspring

“Maya’s never tried to hide it from me. She wants my job. Yes, she says, she’d feel a bit guilty if they got rid of me for her, but not that guilty.” So said Simon Hattenstone about his daughter in the Guardian back in 2011.
What with the Guardian’s current money worries, Simon may come to regret being so flippant about this – as Maya’s already got one foot in the door.
Here she is, writing for the Guardian last month about Neighbours possibly getting the axe:
http://bit.ly/2nHbf0e

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>> Hmmms <<

Badgers, baboons, funk

Hard rock and metal songs, as performed by autotuned animals:

http://bit.ly/2oEolAi
Started as a joke; now almost a full-time job:

http://bit.ly/2bY0yDG
Otters in Cambridge:

http://bit.ly/2oGZUSw
Kate Nash is on Kickstarter:

http://kck.st/2p4RZKW
Should you get guacamole on you burrito?

http://bit.ly/2oMYq63
Great interview with jazzer Marcus Miller:

https://youtu.be/6Rt4ojgskSo

Thanks to: NN, RN, soapy_handerton, T, F, PM, SW, JW, SG, AC

Old Jokes Home:

Q/ How do you get two whales in a car?

A/ Drive west from Bristol.
Still Bored?

Issue 33 of Popbitch Magazine is out now, and features lots more good stuff. Take a look:

http://bit.ly/2o641Gp

Fancy Another?