Faces For Radio

It was nice to get a glimpse of the Beckhams’ tastefully appointed new Holland Park pad in Hello recently, but we couldn’t help but notice there weren’t any shots of the master bedroom.

A matter of boudoir discretion? Perhaps. Or it might be because she’s had an extremely expensive (and highly contentious) rabbit pelt carpet fitted in there.

Our congratulations to Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black on the news that they are soon to become fathers.

How is the introduction of a third person going to affect the dynamic of their finely-tuned, perfectly-presented relationship?

We imagine they’ll be fine. They’ve had plenty of practice…

Which ageing rock star – seemingly unperturbed that so many of his contemporaries got wrapped up in Operation Yewtree – has been dating his goddaughter?

February really isn’t Joshua Sasse’s month, is it? Last year, he got dumped by Kylie Minogue – who broke off their engagement after allegations that he’d been cheating on her.

This February, he was jilted by his follow-up fiancé, Harriet Colling – who dumped him just days before their wedding.

Colling’s family are reported to be delighted with this development, though no-one’s reported why.

Probably because they don’t have enough asterisks to do justice to the blazing row that the pair had on Christmas Day at her parents’ house (the one where Joshua snapped in front of everyone and called her “a fucking selfish bitch”).

will-i-am is no stranger to the BBC, having started his UK TV career as a judge on The Voice. He certainly seems to feel right at home there now too, as he‘s taken to bringing a massive entourage along with him for even the briefest Beeb appearance.

Last week, he tried to get a total of eight plus ones – including his personal grooming assistant – into the studio with him for a short segment.

What show did the supposed tech genius need a grooming assistant on hand for? The Today show.

On Radio 4.

Whoever ends up buying Lorraine Kelly’s old house is probably going to want to do some serious redecorating in one of the toilets. One of the guest bathrooms is absolutely covered in press clippings of her.

They’re even on the ceiling, so that her smiling face looks down at you while you poo.

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. It was also the birthday of former Dragons’ Den investor and Yo! Sushi entrepreneur, Simon Woodroffe. Having to share your birthday with the most romantic day on the calendar could potentially play havoc with your dating life. Luckily for Simon, he is quite capable of fucking things up all on his own.

Someone who interviewed him aboard his houseboat for a book she was writing on millionaires found him particularly odd to deal with. Where all the other millionaires she’d spoken to happily talked into the mic about how they’d made their money, Simon tried to psychoanalyse her instead. Then, as she went to leave (without any usable tape), he tried to snog her.

She called back a couple of times to try to rearrange a follow-up interview where he’d actually talk about his business acumen, but he asked her not to keep calling as he “wasn’t ready for a relationship”.

We didn’t ever think we’d have cause to feel sorry for Simon Fuller – the music industry giant behind the Spice Girls, S Club and many more – yet here we are.

Poor Simon is desperately trying to find a solid “legacy” project, but isn’t coming up with much. There’s no real industry appetite for a Spice Girls reunion (the Viva Forever musical was a multi-million pound loss, and the Geri-Emma-Mel B vehicle GEM tripped and snapped its neck coming out of the traps last year).

Another of his big ideas is to launch a TV talent show: a “search for a new Spice Girls”, based loosely on Take That’s Let It Shine. To remind you of the timeline:

– Let It Shine was a “loosely based” rip-off/spin-off that came about because of Gary Barlow’s judging role on X Factor.

– X Factor was a “loosely based” rip-off/spin-off that came about because of Simon Cowell’s judging role on Pop Idol.

– Pop Idol was created by… Simon Fuller.

A lot of you were very interested in last week’s item about Harrods owning so much space under the ground of their store, responding with some stories of other strange subterranean holdings.

Our favourite? Paul McCartney’s publishing and management company, MPL, has its London office in Soho Square. However, thanks to a quirk of the lease, Macca is also the proud owner of a neighbouring company’s basement toilet – despite the only access to that toilet being through the neighbour’s front door.

As far as we know, he’s not yet had cause to exercise his legal right to slash in their basement, but the older he gets, the more likely it becomes.

If you’ve ever thought that Richard Ayoade’s socially awkward persona is deliberately crafted for TV, you’d be right. According to the captain who took him on a boat tour of the Miami river for his show Travel Man, Ayoade was even more awkward off-camera.

In between popping seasickness pills and adjusting his magnetic wristband, apparently he spent most of the trip of the city’s placid bays concerned that the boat was going too fast.

Sandstorm by Darude – played on a potato
[Watch on YouTube]

A brief history of umlauts in heavy metal
[Read on Kerrang]

A playable organ made of Furbies – a vision of hell
[Watch on YouTube]

Want to buy Noel Edmonds’ house?
[View at OnTheMarket]

Possibly the best wedding feature ever
[Read on NYT]

If you can only take one more Trump-Bannon piece, make it this one from Michael Lewis
[Read on Bloomberg]

All 131 reasons that Dr David Banner hulked out
[View on HulkOutList]

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