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How David Bowie Changed The World: Paul Morley (author of the new Bowie biography) is joined by Deborah Levy for a unique event to celebrate and examine the life, work and influence of David Bowie. 6.45pm, 6th Sep, Emmanuel Centre, London. 10% discount on tickets (inc. glass of wine) – code POPBITCH http://bit.ly/2aRmwJc
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“I think it’s important for Kim to have her figure. To not show it would be like Adele not singing” – Kanye West
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|_| |_|04.08.16 ISSUE 797
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* Liz v Liz: Anarchy in the UK
* Who’s in league with Lucifer?
* Charts: Bieber v Callum Scott
>> Morning gory <<
Still funnier than Grimsby
Is Sacha Baron Cohen trying out a new comedy character? People currently filming with him in Hollywood are hoping and praying that he is – otherwise how else to explain what happens on set every morning?
Someone arrives at the crack of dawn to take a massive morning shit in the ladies’ loos, which is then left there to greet them on arrival. The phantom crapper has yet to be unmasked, but the only person seen there at that time of day so far has been Sacha…
There are currently 20 Chris Evanses on the American Sex Offender register.
>> Liquid assets <<
Simon pulls it off
Stories about Simon Danczuk’s sex life in the paper can only mean one thing: he needs a little top-up on his salary by flogging his own sex scandal to the tabloids.
At first glance, the tale of desktop spanking might look like a classic tabloid ambush, especially as a pap was handily placed to take photos of the MP and the recipient of his, ahem, ‘handiwork’ at the Lowry Hotel.
But even though the Sun didn’t credit the photo agency in their exclusive, the pictures were provided by Fame Flynet, the self-same pap agency that pays Danczuk thousands of pounds for his “media advice” every time a story about him breaks.
Hopefully Danczuk has earned enough from this latest stunt that he can start buying his own drinks again. Several people spotted him minesweeping at a recent event at Rochdale Town Hall – where he made a cursory cocktail out of the dregs of a dozen or so discarded bottles, pouring all the leftovers into one bottle which he took home.
FYI: If you want to know more about the Danczuk set-up, we wrote a longer piece back in January…
http://bit.ly/2anzvOI
Best line from Danzcuk’s recent sexts? “I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t even think about fucking Eurovision”
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which boyband megastar is a surprising find on Grindr? One Popbitch reader matched his unassuming profile and turned up only to find the pop hottie welcoming him in to make a few midnight memories.
Rebekah Brooks spotted this week in Harvey Nichols, Manchester. With an assistant and “two shop assistants trying to keep up.”
>> Wadia know? <<
Life imitates arf
Ex-EastEnders actor Nina Wadia has an anecdote about Bonnie Langford approaching her at a Doctor Who convention and saying “Hello! I’m fucking your husband!”
Nina didn’t realise that Bonnie had taken up a job on EastEnders, and so didn’t know that she was actually referring to Nina’s old on-screen husband, Masood – and not her actual real-life husband.
Oh, how the two laughed when Nina realised the joke!
Let’s just hope that the spouse of the person Bonnie Langford has *actually* been sniffing around takes it all in the same good humour.
(He’s a famous comedian, so he should be able to explain the funny side to his missus.)
David Hasselhoff is getting married again. His wife-to-be is called Hayley. Which must confuse his daughter, Hayley Hasselhoff.
>> Braking fingers <<
The tangled Webber we weave
The world-class British sports star we mentioned in the blind item last week turns out to be Lewis Hamilton. He was the one who had to get his dad involved so that he didn’t get expelled from school after his gang of mates sent a fellow student to the hospital.
The official ruling was that it was a case of mistaken identity; that Lewis wasn’t even in the toilets that lunchtime. But whether Lewis Hamilton did or didn’t break the fingers of one of his classmates is not the most interesting part of this whole story.
The most interesting part is that the kid who did get his fingers broken – Sebastian ‘Seb’ Webber – went on to become the Creative Director at Tidal.
President Obama’s favourite film last year? The Martian.
>> Tax Shun Heroes <<
A few more stories for you
Issue 26 of Popbitch Magazine is now out – and this issue we turn our attention to those tax dodge schemes that so many celebrities got wrapped up in.
As Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs starts sending scammers to the clink, we take a look at how these tax dodges work, who was running them, the sorts of dogshit flicks they funded, as well as showing you how you too can root out a dodgy bastard or two yourself.
If that sounds a bit highbrow, there’s also stories about sex dwarves, private investigators, disgraced ex-former minister Liam Fox and much, much more.
Download it for iOS and Android now – or read previews here:
http://bit.ly/2avBB0C
Nominative Determinism Of The Week: Housing Spokesman of the Local Government Association, Keith House.
>> Ties that blind <<
The devil’s in the details
Post-convention polling has shown Hillary Clinton enjoying a rather nice bounce up in popularity.
It’s not been a completely clean sweep though. One of the questions asked by pollsters was: “Do you think Hillary Clinton has ties to Lucifer?”
A question to which 61% of those polled said No – Hillary Clinton does not have any ties to Lucifer.
Which means that 39% think that she might have some.
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A musical play about losing your virginity and finding yourself. Our Ladies of Perpetual Succour is adapted from Alan Warner’s brilliant novel about six girls on the cusp of change. http://bit.ly/2aClj4H
Contains singing, sex and Sambucca. National Theatre until 1 October,but you can win tickets here:
http://bit.ly/2aEGUKd
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>> Liz vs Liz <<
Justice Sec in better times
Last week we mentioned that the Justice Secretary Liz Truss had been a very active member of the Lib Dems Youth chapter in her early days – and we wondered if she had maybe shared some of the LDYS’s more scandalous views (the pro-cannabis, anti-monarchy stance they famously held in the early to mid-90s).
Well, according to someone who was there, Truss did propose abolishing the monarchy at the 1994 conference. Moreover, the footage should be somewhere in a BBC archive.
So if anyone at the Beeb fancies checking out if the current Lord Chancellor proposed toppling her current boss, you’ll need to get the footage from the Brighton conference in 1994, a late afternoon session on the Tuesday or Wednesday.
Let us know what you find.
Peter Stringfellow was spotted in the Wyevale Garden Centre, Beaconsfield, carrying a basket full of dog treats.
>> Three of a kind <<
Eurovision City Battle
Looks like Ukraine is taking its Eurovision hosting duties very seriously indeed. Six cities put forward bids – all of which were scrutinised in front of a live studio audience by a panel of journalists, pundits and 2004 Eurovision winner, Ruslana, on a show called City Battle – a two-hour, primetime televised special. (No-one wants any accusations of graft or brown envelopes now, do they?)
Lviv, Kharkiv and Kherson all got knocked off the long list and Dnipro, Kyiv and Odessa are still in with a shot.
Of the remaining three, Kyiv is the likely favourite but it’s taking a while for them to officially confirm who has won the bid. Those who follow these things closely tell us that’s because the only really suitable venue in Kyiv is currently double booked – with an ice hockey game.
In a recent Richard Herring podcast Vic Reeves reveals that he bought Tom Baker’s house.
>> Fox on the box <<
Better late than never
Samantha Fox seems to be the nicest housemate in this CBB.
She could have been a reality TV star for ages, as Sam was asked to do IACGMOOH 12 years ago for a fee of around 35 grand. At the time that was about half her annual income but she turned it down on the advice of her late partner, Myra, who thought that it was “cheap”.
Myra was probably right. For although Channel 5’s CBB is about as low-rent as it gets, Sam’s rumoured to be on £150k for this series.
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Media Masters podcast: Is the media encouraging ‘post-fact’ reporting? With science writer Vivienne Parry. Listen: http://ow.ly/VHrG302SmqO
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>> Hmmms <<
Otters, butterflies, Hawkes
Freewheeling, absurd, ingenious stand up from one of the most exciting comedy talents in the US, Popbitch readers get GBP5 off tickets for Kate Berlant’s show, Communikate, by using the code POPKATE when booking http://bit.ly/2azSloU
Very interesting interview about Donald Trump’s appeal with the poor white voters of America:
http://bit.ly/2aWG259
90’s one hit wonder Chesney Hawkes is now playing for the Dubai brunch crowd.
http://bit.ly/2b4TJOP
Oddly pleasing video of an MIT professor drawing dotted lines on the blackboard:
http://bit.ly/2aRpz4b
David Bowie is favourite for the Mercury Music Prize, but favourites rarely win so it might be worth a flutter. Take a look at the market. Skepta or Laura Mvula maybe?
http://ow.ly/n8zN302V0CY
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Thanks to: missbabbs, RG, meow, MC, JC, FS, pauly, MDS, PB
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Old Jokes Home
Q/ Who’s the star of Groundhog Day?
A/ Bill Murray
Q/ Who’s the star of Groundhog Day?
A/ Bill Murray
Q/ Who’s the star of Groundhog Day?
A/ Bill Murray
Q: Who’s the star of Groundhog Day?
A: Bill Murray
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