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Germaine Greer has been in the news a bit this year. Ever-outspoken and provocative, if you have a question for her, she’ll be in conversation at How To Academy 15th May, London. 15% off tickets with code POPBITCH:
http://bit.ly/23HE907
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“Ted Cruz thinks people don’t have a right to ‘stimulate their genitals’. I was his college roommate. This would be a new belief of his.” – Craig Mazin
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|_| |_|14.04.15 ISSUE 781
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* A bit of fun in the Sun
* Grieving for our secret friend
* Charts: Drake is new no. 1
>> Letter of the law <<
A word from our pen-pals
In news that will surprise absolutely no-one, we received a stern letter from some celebrity lawyers last week, demanding that we take down our article about the in-jokes that journalists make in the pages of their papers when under injunction.
We haven’t taken it down. But we thought you might be interested to see the sort of letter that these bullish lawyers send out on behalf of their clients to intimidate law-abiding publishers.
Obviously, we didn’t want to breach any copyright laws though, so we had to find a few little workarounds…
Donald Trump only writes his own tweets after 7pm.
>> The Hardy Boyos <<
Tom’s mangled accent
Tom Hardy is apparently being a bit of a pain in the arse on the set of new TV drama Taboo, refusing to do pick-up shots, complaining that if the crew didn’t get everything they needed first time why should he bother doing it again?
But a bigger problem is that everyone is now so nervous around him that no-one has dared point out that the cockney accent he’s adopting actually sounds a bit Welsh.
Leftfield’s favourite interview was by Howard Marks. They spent a day on a boat going up the Thames. Then Marks made the whole interview up.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which music industry big cheese has a very keen eye for talent? He’s been dating different members of two of his boybands. Wonder if they know about each other?
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>> Woo-tan scam <<
A bit of fun in the Sun
Online subs at the Sun have a fun new game. They’ve taken to deliberately misspelling showbiz reporter Dan Wootton’s name to see how quickly he will send them a sniffy email about it.
His current record is a little under ten minutes. This was what he said:
“My name is spelt Wootton. Would be nice if some of the online people could show a small degree of respect or actually check something.”
Cristiano Ronaldo is the first player to score 30 league goals in Spain in six consecutive seasons.
>> Press logic <<
Two out of three ain’t bad
When we wrote a two-sentence story on the culture secretary two weeks ago we didn’t expect quite such a media follow-up. Still, at least we’ve had a lesson in what constitutes public interest journalism:
1/ MP with responsibility for press oversight taking a dominatrix as his date to official functions = NO PUBLIC INTEREST
2/ C-List TV presenter sending mucky texts to a page 3 girl = HIGH ENOUGH PUBLIC INTEREST TO WARRANT FIVE FRONT PAGES
3/ A well-known person who had extra-marital relations with his partner’s knowledge and consent, covered up by an injunction = SIX-FIGURE LEGAL CAMPAIGNS LAUNCHED TO DEMAND THE RIGHT TO EXPOSE COUPLE’S RANK HYPOCRISY.
Masters golf TV ratings. BBC 2 got 2.5m; Sky Sports only 260k – which must worry big golf cheeses as the British Open moves to Sky this year.
>> X hits the spot <<
Gettin’ licky wit it
Rumours about Sharon Osbourne returning to X Factor seem to hold a fair bit of water, but we’re a little surprised. When Sharon left the show in 2013, she made it clear she had no intention of ever returning.
In fact, she told friends Cowell would have to “lick her out for three weeks” before she’d consider another series.
Perhaps that’s why Simon Cowell looked so tired when Britain’s Got Talent started up again last weekend.
FYI: Despite all the spin that X Factor has a long and happy life on ITV, gossip going round ad agencies is that people have already been tasked with finding sponsors for it for Sky One in 2017.
Babymetal have the highest charting record by an all-Japanese act. At number 15, they’ve beaten Tomita’s Snowflakes Are Dancing (17 in 1975).
>> Hard times <<
Sarah’s solid excuses
Good old Sarah Harding. Just when we thought we’d never get another story out of her, she comes up with the goods.
Sarah had quite an eventful night on Tuesday. She went to a gala performance of the Jersey Boys musical and got stuck right into the free bar. She then treated the rest of the audience to her very own interpretations of the songs, singing loudly in her seat and waving her arms about.
Had we been there, we’d have applauded her fully – for what is the point in being Sarah Harding if you don’t do this sort of thing from time to time?
However, Sarah felt compelled to apologise for her behaviour and gave one of the greatest excuses of all time…
She behaved the way she did because she was grieving for her ‘secret friend’ David Gest.
Congratulations if you had tickets for the David Gest Is Not Dead But Alive With Soul Tour! They’re going to be quite the collectors’ item.
>> Feeling emojional <<
A smiling pile of shit
If you thought Batman V Superman might have killed off cinema for good, something is coming along next year to dance all over its remains.
Sony Pictures has won a multi-studio bidding war for an animated project based around emoji, set in a smartphone.
The whole film sounds like a horrific branding exercise for tech firms. The Emojis visit mini worlds via real-life apps, like Spotify, where they’ll navigate a stream on boats, to represent music streaming.
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Win pair of tickets to Frankenstein, world premiere of Liam Scarlett’s new full-length ballet, 18th May at 7.15pm. In cinemas across the country as part of the Royal Opera House Live Cinema Season. Enter with code POPBITCH for cinema of your choice:
http://bit.ly/1VYkM0l
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>> Fishy tales <<
Setting a Stein example
Famed fish-fancier Rick Stein hosted an evening at Sheekeys restaurant where he was to give two talks – the first about food from Venice to Greece; the from Greece to Istanbul.
The evening started well, the food and drink were excellent, and then Rick got up to speak. That’s when guests noticed he was rather well-refreshed.
His first talk started with some fruity anecdotes about his life and the women he has met on his travel, never quite getting to the topic of food.
Still, the ambience was great and everyone was enjoying themselves. Especially Rick, who tucked right into the delicious white wines on offer and began chatting with some of the prettier guests.
And the second talk? The guests are still waiting for that one…
Air quality in Kabul is so bad now that all US military have to be checked out after every two weeks.
>> Popsnitch <<
Hit me with your Oakeshott
Isabel Oakeshott, the Daily Mail’s Political Editor-At-Large is perhaps best known for co-authoring that book about David Cameron sticking his dick in a pig.
Before that she was best known for having dobbed in one of her sources, resulting in that source going to jail.
We mention that only because she appears to have had the most miraculous change of heart, re: grassing people up.
In today’s Mail she admonishes fellow journalist (and fellow Isabel) Isabel Hardman for “telling tales to teacher”, i.e. complaining to the Whip’s Office that an MP described her as “totty”.
Why Oakeshott thinks this is such a breach of journalistic standards is unclear. Maybe her old mate Vicky Pryce told her what they do to snitches in prison?
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On this week’s Media Masters podcast is… Isabel Oakeshott! Political Editor-at-Large, Daily Mail. Listen: http://ow.ly/10Bpvn
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>> Hmmms <<
Drones, hedgehogs, Shakira
WTF? Liz Hurley seems to have given birth to John Barrowman:
http://bit.ly/23xyWvo
Dan Evans has swapped the courtroom and Hacking Trial for a Greek refugee camp:
http://bit.ly/1T6idH0
We’re gutted Portugal aren’t in Eurovision this year as Katia Aveiro was touted as the entry. Katia is otherwise known as Cristiano Ronaldo’s sister:
http://bit.ly/1qJytV6
Go to the wonderful Novelty Automation arcade and play “Celeb!” – fly a drone round a mansion like a proper pap:
http://www.novelty-automation.com
Cat cafes are over. It’s all about hedgehogs:
http://bit.ly/1S9gAGc
Eurovision news – Ivan from Belarus says he’s going to perform naked and has asked permission for his favourite wolf, Shakira, to join him:
http://bbc.in/1p0UMV0
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Thanks to: The Ears, AB, DomKaos, SW, JB, AM, NB, posh duckhunter
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Old Jokes Home
I tried to phone John Whittingdale the other day, but he was tied up.
Still Bored?
“Like a GoPro in a washing machine” Our shit-film correspondent reviews Hardcore Henry, a film shot entirely from first person perspective http://bit.ly/1RVR9Lw
