Holy Flesh Tetris!

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“What I’ve learnt about being a dad is how hard it is to be a mum” – Liam Payne

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* Batman-on-man action!

* Alex Salmond’s cinnamon secrets!

* Charts: Despacito is No 1 again

>> Botney’s back! <<

It’s like he never left

The collapse of Kids Company might have put an end to Alan Yentob’s time as Creative Director of the BBC, but it didn’t actually change all that much in practice.
For months afterwards, Yentob was still in the habit of turning up to very high level meetings – completely uninvited.
After making himself comfortable, he would continue to hold forth like he always did, much to the annoyance of some of the other execs in the room. Nevertheless, in true W1A style, none of them really wanted to be the one to tell him he was no longer supposed to attend.

Geri Halliwell is recording Angels In Chains as a tribute to George Michael. Shame she’s planning to release it. Can’t imagine that’s what George would have wanted.

>> Sink the pink <<

Days of wine and rosés

When winesellers tried to rebrand rosé as ‘brosé’ in order to appeal to men, we thought they were idiots. But it looks like they might have been on to something after all.
Not only was Jeremy Clarkson knocking back the pink stuff before he threw fists at his producer and got himself sacked off the BBC, Noel Gallagher was also snapped drinking it on holiday – rather than being at the One Manchester concert.
But their best poster boy? Justin Bieber, who recently made a visit to the Wölffer Estate vineyard at the Hamptons to sample their rosé. He obviously really enjoyed the tasting as he was spotted shortly after, wandering around, throwing his arms around people and telling them that “hugs are better than photos”.

More proof of the media being part of the metropolitan elite? The toilet paper in Al Jazeera’s London offices is the exact same stuff they offer members at the Ivy Club.

>> Big Questions <<

Who’s asking what this week?

Which former Tory housing minister has been known to head to the bar whenever the stress starts to mount? (Good thing he hasn’t just been given a job as Chief of Staff in Theresa May’s crumbling office – mere hours before a tragic housing disaster unfolded…)
Which TV actor was so desperate for his interview to end up on the cover of a Sunday magazine that he agreed to jump into the Thames in his tighty whities?

The new head of the association of the world’s top independent schools, the HMC, is going to be Shaun Fenton – a.k.a. Alvin Stardust Jnr.

>> Batman-on-man <<

Holy flesh Tetris!

Since his death last week, reports have trickled out about Adam West banging up to eight women a day in his prime. That might sound like a lot of work, but he was usually pretty lighthearted about it all.
Back in the show’s heyday, both West and Frank Gorshin (who played the Riddler) turned up to a Hollywood party, only to discover it was actually an orgy.
They were drunk, found it amusing, so decided to stay – but they wanted to take part in the group sex in character.
So West got into his Batman voice and started quoting lines; the Riddler did the same. Until they both got thrown out for not taking it seriously enough.

Nominative determinism of the week: CEO of NewSpace Global, the space industry analysts… Richard M Rocket.

>> Four man defence <<

Where there’s muck, there’s top brass

Gianni Infantino was brought in to clean FIFA up from the dark Blatter era, but his honeymoon period only lasted a matter of days before links to corruption and match-fixers surfaced in the Panana Papers. Unsurprisingly he’s not leaving himself open to much in the way of questioning.
At both the Europa Cup Final and the U20 World Cup Final he swanned around like a mafia don, accompanied by an entourage of four functionaries, who formed a protective square around him wherever he walked. And we’re not just talking in public or press areas. Even in the FIFA and UEFA VVIP hospitality boxes.
Which made things rather difficult at the lavish buffet…

Need a break? Escape to civilised Stockholm. We can recommend a stay at Grand Central by Scandic. Easy going, chic and informal, with great service, music, drinks and food. Plus gut-busting breakfast buffet, fast free wifi and some of the world’s comfiest beds.

>> Smoked Salmond <<

The cinnamon sinnerman

It’s amazing how candid politicians can be when they think no-one is listening.
Last year, Alex Salmond was seen in one of BA’s lounges at T5, lamenting that all the hot food from the breakfast buffet had gone. An assistant went off to search for something for him and came back with some porridge dusted in cinnamon.
“Ah,” said Salmond upon seeing it. “The King of Spice!”
Salmond then went on to explain to the assistant how good cinnamon is for a person’s sex drive and how he used to get a woman from the shop in his village to order it in specially for him – so that he could smoke it to enhance his… ‘powers’.

Whitney Houston used to check into hotels under the name Rachel Marron. Until the film of the Bodyguard came out – as that was the name of her character in it.

>> Bye bye, Bodger <<

Tributes to a badger’s best friend

SH writes:
“Bodger/Badger was one of my best friend’s cousins so consequently I met him at a couple of family weddings. On the first occasion in 2000, he entertained all the children (sans Badger), popped outside for a massive doobie and then treated us all to ‘Agadoo’ on the karaoke.
“The second time in 2010, he turned up to the reception with his own carrier bag of cans. He will be sadly missed.”
JH writes:
“Years ago I worked in a theatre doing sound, and Bodger and Badger were starring in panto. After a matinee performance, where the children in the audience were thrilled at the twosome’s opening routine, Bodger and Badger came off stage to rapturous applause.
“As they walked past me, standing stage right, Bodger didn’t look at me at all. Badger, however, turned to me as they went past and said ‘Bunch of fucking cunts’.”

Make Father’s Day sound awesome. Stuck for a last minute gift? Wax & Stamp will bring new music back into his life with a curated pack of vinyl every month, straight through your door. Two records £28 – get 20% off with code popbitch

>> Market value <<

Things can only get bettor

As people are still picking apart the polls and forecasts of last week’s shock election result, here’s a little something new to consider from the world of bookmaking. This election not only saw the betting markets used as method of forecast, but also as an active campaigning tool.
A number of parliamentary candidates used bookmakers’ odds on their campaign material in place of the usual badly scaled charts and graphs. Some of them were rumoured to have placed weighty bets on themselves – to shorten the odds and thereby give themselves something positive to quote on their leaflets.

Candidates weren’t the only ones. We’re told that an exec of one of the big polling companies placed a number of bets on the election markets over the course of the campaign – usually minutes before their own polls were due out.

>> Knees must <<

Kinnock’s in a twist

Jeremy Corbyn was telling tales about Ken Clarke in the Commons this week so, for balance, here’s a fun one about an old Labour figure too.
Back in the early 90s, Labour leader Neil Kinnock was walking through the central lobby past a big group of foreign tourists. Coming up behind them, in the opposite direction, was the Lord Chief Justice in his full court robes.
His loud voice rang out to greet the Labour leader with a hearty “Neil!”
Turning around and seeing the important, imposing robes of the Judge, the tourists all got down on the floor – and kneeled.

We are muppets – we got the code to the Slimpod promo wrong last week. (The weight loss aid that even works while you sleep.) The real code is SUMMER20 for 20% off any programme

>> Hmmms <<

Softcore, superinjunctions, a-Ha

Has Theresa May resigned yet?
Floppy disc drives play Take On Me
Want to see Adam West in a (largely NSFW) 70s softcore romp?
Billy Joel in Rolling Stone: “I don’t carry hard feelings. I don’t carry grudges. I get along with all my ex-wives. I’m kind of like Henry VIII.” Christie Brinkley will be thrilled to hear that.
Northern Ireland: home of the superinjunction
Get ready for Royal Ascot, sign up for free bets at William Hill
Where to spot footballers in Ibiza
Idyllic country house for sale – perfect for a pop star. A number one songwriter is selling up, close to Gatwick and easy access to London and Brighton. Recording studio and duck pond (with wild ducks) on site.

Thanks to: roger_mycock, dr_strangelove, SH, JH, LMES, L, TS, MS, EM, JBB, ourmaninkabul, SG, GR, RA, monstris

Old Jokes Home:

I asked my girlfriend if she would consider masturbating with fruit.
She went fucking bananas.
Still Bored?

From OJ to Waco to the death of Princess Di – Media Masters podcast talks to former BBC news anchor Maxine Mawhinney

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