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“I do not have a 10 inch penis. I do not. Seriously. Terry Bollea’s penis is not 10 inches. Believe that” – Hulk Hogan/Terry Bollea
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_|10.03.16 ISSUE 776
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* Hulk Hogan Vs Gawker
* Union J Vs Dan Wootton
* Charts: Lukas Graham still No 1
>> Academy records <<
Leo’s got bed bugs
With four decades of celebrity sex offences having come to light in recent years, it is an uncertain time for many A-list lotharios.
Thankfully, one well-known shagger is taking all the right precautions.
Leonardo DiCaprio bugs his hotel room before entertaining any visitors so he has a sound recording to prove that everything’s consensual.
Q/ What do Pitbull’s friends call him?
A/ Pit.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which contestant on The Jump tried that old “Oh sorry, I was drunk and went into the wrong room” trick in the cast hotel? (The person that they ‘accidentally’ stumbled in on decided to change hotels.)
RIP Ray Tomlinson. In Swedish the @ symbol is known as ‘snabel A’ which translates as ‘elephant trunk A’.
>> Rolling in the deep <<
Adele’s Spinal Tap moment
Adele has always had the talent, but never quite the batshit behaviour to make her one of the world’s leading divas. However, we’re happy to report that she might be about to turn a corner.
On the first night of her tour in Manchester, instead of walking, Adele was seen being wheeled around backstage in a giant flight case.
Scared of getting ill on tour, Adele insists her crew all have a weekly medical. No medical means no sticker on your pass. No sticker, no show.
>> Marr-malade <<
Not so big in Japan
As part of an interview about Britain’s future in the EU on Andrew Marr’s show last Sunday, Boris Johnson got himself tied up in a rather weird debate with Marr about the difficulties involved in trading marmalade with Italy – talking about pip quotas, poison and the like.
If Andrew Marr had wanted to talk to an MP about the difficulties of the marmalade trade, he should have booked Jeremy Hunt. One of Hunt’s early business ventures was a company which tried to export marmalade to Japan.
It flopped.
Mark Ronson tells anyone who sleeps in the same house as him that he nude sleepwalks.
>> Union of the snake <<
The Sun is down on George
It’s not just the Queen that the Sun has picked a fight with. They’ve also chosen a much tougher adversary: boyband fans.
Showbiz supremo Dan Wootton interviewed Union J about George Shelley’s departure. The band tried to be positive, but it didn’t come out like that, with Wootton’s piece focusing instead on Shelley’s “diva behaviour”. The band’s fans were left fuming.
But why would a journalist of such international renown resort to underhand tactics? Apparently Wootton was furious that George came out in his own video blog, and let slip that he thought the pages of his paper should be the only place where pop stars reveal their sexuality.
According to Comscore, the average number of apps installed by the average American per month is zero.
>> Uncredible Hulk <<
The man with two dicks
The Hulk Hogan v Gawker court case may come to define free speech and privacy on the internet. Even if it doesn’t, it’s going to be the most entertaining celebrity trial of the year.
So far this week we’ve had: Hulk Hogan disavowing his comments about having a ten inch penis under oath. Hulk’s lawyer turning out to be a man who looks like the love child of Donald Trump and Michael Fabricant. But best of all, we got to hear ex-Gawker editor A.J. Daulerio’s deposition, which made Paul McMullan’s Leveson Inquiry evidence (“Privacy is for paedos!”) look positively sane:
LAWYER: Can you imagine a situation where a celebrity sex tape would not be news-worthy?
AJ: If they were a child.
LAWYER: Under what age?
AJ: Four.
LAWYER: No four-year-old sex tapes. Okay.
We’ve been keeping a running tab of the defence strategies Gawker is deploying, in a simple summary of the case for you:
http://bit.ly/1WbSFci
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The Popbitch Quiz Returns: Gossip, trivia and the filthiest arts and crafts tasks in London – the Popbitch Popquiz is coming to Smiths Of Smithfield on April 12th. Book your tickets here now: http://bit.ly/1R95FRQ
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>> Killer Queen <<
Our money’s on Taylor
Showing once again why John Deacon is everyone’s favourite living member of Queen – Sacha Baron Cohen spoke to Rolling Stone about the Freddie Mercury biopic he was making with Roger Taylor and Brian May.
“A member of the band, I won’t say who, he said, ‘This is such a great movie because it’s got such an amazing thing that happens in the middle of the movie,'” Cohen recalled. “I go, ‘What happens in the middle of the movie?’
“He goes, ‘Freddie dies’.”
Popbitch’s favourite Bangkok drinking den? The Otter Bar. (Unsurprisingly, the seafood selection is excellent.)
>> Salmon’s leap <<
Fishy move for BBC exec
Peter Salmon’s defection from BBC to indie behemoth Endemol Shine has caused a few raised eyebrows across the TV world.
Salmon was the man who ran the in-house production arm of the BBC. Two months ago he did a deal which allowed 40% of the BBC’s in-house productions to go out to tender to independent companies.
Independent companies very much like… Endemol Shine!
Nominative determinism of the week: Steve Rolles, chairman of the Transform Drug Policy Foundation.
>> No jacket required <<
More news from Mourinho days
Former Chelsea FC doctor Eva Carneiro was also up in court this week. It looks like the case will go to trial in June unless the club and her former manager, Jose Mourinho, settle.
There’s a fair few Chelsea FC employees who won’t support Mourinho in this though, as further tales of people he alienated at the club leak out. As well as the doctor and the players, he annoyed coaches and scouts too.
You know those jackets with initials on that football types wear? Jose decided only he was special enough for gear like that, so scouts wanting to show they were officially from Chelsea FC had to find something else.
As you can imagine, they were not impressed.
Adam Johnson is about to become the most notorious right-winger in prison since Anders Breivik.
>> The Swede spot <<
All grown up; all sewn up
Looks like Sweden might be about to enter a bit of an Ireland-in-the-90s Eurovision hot streak.
The reigning champions are already boasting this year’s Eurovision favourite – even though the song in question hasn’t actually won their own national selection yet.
Frans’ song, If I Were Sorry, is like Bieber meets Lukas Graham, with a touch of Catch & Release. He is currently number one in Sweden and already appearing on Europe-wide Spotify playlists.
And, most adorably of all, he’s a previous child star, whose World Cup ode to Zlatan Ibrahimovich was the biggest hit in Sweden in 2006:
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Did you donate to Popbitch through our bank account? Get in touch on hello@popbitch.com if you haven’t done so – we’re missing a load of your details to send your rewards!
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>> Hmmms <<
Metal, fire, music
Ted Cruz as you’ve never heard him before:
http://bit.ly/1P1NaXC
A curious questionnaire on music, that’s not really a questionnaire. Or about music:
http://bit.ly/1TtcXzP
The IDF continue their attempts to go viral:
http://bit.ly/1RBwGHM
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Thanks to: monstris, SG, iPitt, SA, CM, HC, NG, JF, theabominablehoman, CC, ML, AM, danceswithmustelids,
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Old Jokes Home:
Just viewed a house for sale entirely filled with mirrors.
I thought, I can really see myself living here.
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