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The Big Popbitch Autumn Quiz Night! Tues 13 Oct, Smiths – Spitalfields. Want to be one of the 20 teams competing for some massive prizes? Email hello@popbitch.com for info or reserve your team and table now: http://bit.ly/1P2VDfv
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“If you ain’t got a strip club at home, you ain’t a true cricket player” – Chris Gale
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|_| |_|17.09.15 ISSUE 754
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Email stories hello@popbitch.com
* Les Dennis, menaced
* Ross Kemp’s seduction style
* Charts: Sigala v Bieber for no 1
>> Missy world <<
Rapper’s Delight(ful)
Missy Elliot was the star turn at last weekend’s Bestival. Huge US stars don’t exactly have the best reputation when coming over to do live shows in the UK, so how much of a pain in the arse was Missy?
Entirely arse-pain free, it turns out. She turned up on site for her soundcheck in person and on time – at 9am. She ran through everything, diligently, making sure it was all perfect, and was extremely polite to everyone involved. Come on, Missy, you’re letting the side down.
George Galloway only wears D&G or Calvin Klein underpants.
>> Gang bang <<
Celebrity seduction
Just after Ross Kemp split up with Rebekah Wade, one lucky lady thought she’d got the chance to experience Kemp’s full-on celebrity seduction technique. After meeting the actor one night she thought she’d got lucky when he invited her back to his. After arriving he suggested she settle herself on the sofa, and then left the room.
He came back into the room with a DVD. What exciting, sensual movie had he picked for them to watch?
A preview screener of the first three episodes of the then-forthcoming Ross Kemp on Gangs series.
Legal wags have wasted no time in giving LinkedIn flirter Alexander Carter-Silk a new nickname. He’s now “Alex Carter-Smut”.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which Strictly Come Dancing star had a lucky escape a few years back? One Sunday paper discovered that one of the dancers was having an affair – but quickly backed off when they realised that the person she was banging was an important political bodyguard, and the paper didn’t much fancy having the Special Branch breathing down their necks.
And how did the paper find this all out in the first place? By listening to her voicemails, of course!
Nominative determinism of the week: Joining Pets at Home as a Trading Director? Lisa Miao.
>> Trash talk <<
It’s time to comment
Comments sections get a hard time on the internet. All too often they can read like the minutes from a hate rally where everyone was given a microphone. But, weirdly, ever since Jeremy Corbyn became Labour leader, we’ve had cause to change our minds on the value of comments sections – and we think that you maybe should too.
Why? It’s a long story (and we had to manually count all of the words written below the line on an article about Ola Jordan’s boobs in order to find the answer) but we’re happy to explain it.
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Issue 18 of Popbitch Magazine – “My Cool Crack Bender” – is out NOW. A whole new selection of stories, gossip and pop culture weirdness for your smartphone or tablet.
* Zac Efron: a new Malcolm Gladwell?
* A history lesson in rib-removal!
* Crack-smokers, Canadian maniacs, celebrity court reports and all sorts of other stuff…
iPhone/iPad: http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y
Android: http://bit.ly/1vvdK7H
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>> Dennis, menaced <<
Time for Yew to move
Les Dennis is enjoying a bit of a well-deserved resurgence in Coronation Street at the minute. He’s also enjoying having moved to Cheshire from his previous home in Highgate because it’s a more relaxed lifestyle than in London. “I’m looking forward to less stress”, he said at the time.
What could have been causing Les such stress? Well, just before the Dennis family moved up north, his neighbour thought it might be funny, as a joke, to change the name of their household WiFi network…
…to “Operation Yewtree”.
Congratulations to the cover star of this month’s Popbitch magazine, Paul Danan, who welcomes his son to the world… DeNiro Danan.
>> Major similarity <<
A vinegar stroke of genius
Last week we said Ricky Gervais gave someone life-changingly good advice in a chip shop, telling our reader to always put the vinegar on first.
Another vocal advocate of the vinegar-first method? Ex-PM John Major.
“John Major met his first love, Jean Kiernans, on the doorstep when he was out canvassing for the YCs [Young Conservatives]. They courted at country dances in church halls, and afterwards over fish and chips suppers. ‘John taught me always to put the vinegar on first,’ remembers Mrs Kiernans. “Otherwise you washed the salt away.”
Gary Rhodes’ Dubai cinema food venture is called thEATre. With that ludicrous styling.
>> Is it worth it? <<
Celebrity interviews
So many celebrity interviews can end up sounding staged or rehearsed – like the star is always speaking on behalf of a brand or a sponsor – but not Dame Helen Mirren. No, no, no. The profile of her in the Mail On Sunday was totally normal.
Take, for example, this off-the-cuff remark: “Yesterday, I whacked on L’Oréal Paris Excellence Age Perfect Hair Colour in Light Beige Blonde [shade 9.31] for 25 minutes, then washed it off – job done.”
Or: “I love cleansers and body creams that make me feel clean and fresh, but my absolute favourite is L’Oréal Paris Age Perfect Classic Night Cream”.
Maybe L’Oreal should try to snap her up as a celebrity spokesperson? Oh, what’s that you say? She already is one?
Gail Porter, after eviction from Celebrity Big Brother, “That was the worst situation I’ve ever been in – and I’ve been sectioned!”
>> Small fry <<
More celebrity chip chat
thadogg writes:
“I was at the Wall of Sound Christmas party at a hotel near Liverpool street several years back. At the bar I was having a gak-fuelled discussion with a mate about making chips – and turned round to find a little chap with a Bristolian accent. I engaged him in the conversation. The debate centred around the optimum number of times to deep-fry ‘chunky pomme frites’ to get a strong crunch to compliment a good steak au poivre. We settled on three.
“It was Banksy.”
The New Forest is the only place in the UK where pigs are still released into the woods for pannage (foraging for acorns, beechmast, chestnuts).
>> An early take <<
Kygo takes on Madonna
A couple of weeks ago, we suggested you check out Norwegian DJ Kygo’s remix of Take On Me.
But where on earth could he have got the idea to turn a 80s synth-pop classic into a Club Med poolside disco summer holiday hit? It couldn’t have been inspired by Madonna’s attempt at a comedy version of it in 1985, could it?
Demi Lovato: “I like mugs. They’re very comfortable in your hand and they hold hot things that you don’t have to touch.”
>> Oh balls <<
Twisting his melons
Tyrone Bowd, an autistic 25 year old Australian, has a 12-pound scrotum which has “swelled from the size of a mango to the size of a watermelon… [which] bangs around his calves when he’s trying to walk”. Tyrone’s family is currently raising money for treatment in the US.
Long time readers may remember Chad Wegkamp from back in 2001. A paranoid schizophrenic, Chad became obsessed that his testicles were too big and that he needed an operation to reduce them. After trying (and failing) to print his own banknotes, he ended up robbing a bank – and got a horrific 35 year prison sentence for it.
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In April we told everyone Chris Moyles was heading back to breakfast radio. That ‘everyone’ included the DJ who was then XFM’s breakfast host, Jon Holmes. We’re pleased to give a happier mention today – as we see Jon has a new book out now – A Portrait Of An Idiot As A Young Man. Buy it here:
http://amzn.to/1KoubEK
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>> Hmmms <<
Crabs, cats, Clarkson
Farewell Tony Abbott, you onion-munching weirdo:
http://bit.ly/1P2jNql
The Jeremy Clarkson fracas hotel is up for sale – for less than a million:
http://bit.ly/1KTkuVn
Speaking of which, Jeremy Clarkson now earns roughly nines time more than Floyd Mayweather, per punch:
http://bit.ly/1NFDqYa
The True Detective credits, redone with GTA V:
http://bit.ly/1P2DVIY
Could Gareth and David Brent be reunited? Mackenzie Crook talks about it:
http://bit.ly/1iRgJTX
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Thanks to: satanprinceofdarkness, thegingerprince, deepstoat, Anon, DL, WM, JD, theabominablehoman, meow, AM
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Old @Corbynjokes Home:
Q: Why did the socialist win the race?
A: He was the quickest on his Marx.
Still Bored?
Interesting data on people’s Ashley Madison passwords. 3,058 bigdicks, 5,052 assholes… and 11.7 million bellends:
http://bit.ly/1F42HIX
