Julie Andrews’ Sloppy Seconds

1. Michael Parkinson. Master of the chat show sofa is put on the spot about his life.
http://bit.ly/2prlpI9

2. Evgeny Kissin – a rare chance to hear the piano virtuoso discuss his music.
http://bit.ly/2qz67Be

We’re out in Kyiv this week to cover Eurovision, so it’s a slightly shorter mailout this week (a Ukrainian biophysicist plied us with horseradish vodka the other night and, honestly, we haven’t really felt all that normal since…)

However, we wouldn’t be doing our duty if we didn’t give you some spurious tips and other preparatory materials for the grand final on Saturday – so here’s a few quick stories, a selection of Eurobits and some countries to bet on.

A big week for non-exclusive exclusives in the UK press this week.

First the Financial Times ran with their exclusive story on the sacking of the Sun’s Kelvin MacKenzie – a story we have been writing about weekly for a full calendar month now.

But we much preferred the one that Dan ‘Wooton’ Wootton got for the Sun’s readers. Tweeting at 10:30 that he had a HUGE TV EXCLUSIVE, he announced Shirley Ballas was going to be the new Strictly Come Dancing judge.

Just as the press-wide embargo was lifted for all newspapers.

At 10:30.

If you missed the semi-finals this year then, sadly, you’ve missed the greatest song of the competition, as Montenegro’s supergay space banger failed to qualify.

On the other hand, you didn’t have to endure the contest’s only convicted sex offender (Omar Naber from Slovenia – who was given a seven month suspended sentence for sexual assault in 2011).

So, swings and roundabouts.

However, we’re delighted to tell you that most of the good stuff made it through – and tomorrow’s final should be a fun watch. Especially if you download our FREE, full-colour companion guide for your phone or tablet.

Get it on iOS here:
http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y

Or on Android here:
http://bit.ly/1vvdK7H

Here’s what to look out for…

If you watch Eurovision for mad foreign fun-pop, you’re spoiled for choice.

* Romania – yodelling, cannons and heavily accented rap

* Croatia – a pop/opera duet, performed by a solo singer

* Italy – a mix of philosophy, religion and a dancing gorilla

* Azerbaijan – Kate Bush meets Sia with a horse on a ladder

* Moldova – Epic Sax Guy has a new waggly leg dance

* Portugal – a sickly hipster with a man bun sings the sweetest song you’ll hear anywhere

We go into plenty more detail in our free downloadable guide (the one that you probably just downloaded from here http://bit.ly/2q8Czcs

But are any worth sticking a couple of quid on? Maybe…

If you’re thinking of having a bet on any of the markets, you have some options.

* Betting For The Winner? Big favourites Italy have a terrible draw; no-one’s won from 9th in modern times. It might be the most viewed on YouTube, but the biggest selling track on iTunes is Portugal and the top streamed track on Spotify is Belgium. (Be aware: the Belgian girl seems to suffer from the most distracting stage fright – could be a crucial factor)

* Betting for Big 5 Country? The “Big 5” consists of Italy, Germany, France, UK and Spain. Getting on UK at 10-1 is not a stupid bet.

* Betting for Top Balkan? Bulgaria’s little Bieber-alike is odds on, but we’d take a small bet on the Romanian yodellers at 5-1.

Take a look at all the William Hill Eurovision markets
http://bit.ly/2qDaMic

And what of the UK’s chances in the contest this year? Can we expect nul points again? Will Brexit lead to a retaliatory thrashing from the EU27?

We don’t think so.

We’ve been covering Eurovision for 17 years now and Lucie Jones is hands down the best entry we have sent in that entire time.

Our fuller thoughts on it:
http://bit.ly/2qcltZh

RJ writes:

“Re, your article on how Angela Lansbury replaced Julie Andrews in Mary Poppins 2:

“Julie Andrews initially turned down the role of Miss Price in Bedknobs and Broomsticks, but reconsidered. However, when she told the studio she’d changed her mind, Angela Lansbury had already accepted the part.

“History repeats!”

All is not well at Al Jazeera towers. Apparently there are mutterings among staff about a strike because there have been no pay rises for the rank and file for almost ten years. They’re also cutting the number of London hours for broadcasting out of there, sacking operations staff and moving a lot back to Doha.

None of the Qataris in charge have been seen for some time and staff are joking that the ‘acting’ head of output has been ‘acting’ for so long that he’s overdue a BAFTA…

Someone asked writer/director/actor Alice Lowe the Badger v Baboon question in a Guardian web chat the other week. Her answer?

“I think the badger would win actually – they’ve got really horrible claws. The badger might have more stamina. The baboon would have more cunning ways, with its opposable thumbs, but the badger would stick it out for longer.”

An angry monk in 1528 with the first written use of ‘fuck’
http://bit.ly/2r8NNM7

Caity Weaver meeting The Rock is just the greatest
http://bit.ly/2r0QQJ1

Local news of the week – Tortoise Trouser Thief Terrorises Town
http://bbc.in/2prh5IG

A significant development in sweary and time telling tech
https://twitter.com/swearclock