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Sue Perkins and Dawn French are together at last! Royal Festival Hall, Sunday 22nd Nov, celebrating Sue’s funny, frank book Spectacles. Get your tickets now:
http://bit.ly/1Lv5b3M
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“I like my doo-dah and I enjoy being a man” – Alex Reid
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|_| |_|29.10.15 ISSUE 760
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* Tom Watson: Walking, not washing
* The Maloney position
* Charts: Adele will be no 1
>> Bottle service <<
The pink fizz fairy
He might be an insufferable bell at times, but it’s nice to see that will.i.am still thinks of the little people.
At the pre-drinks event for the Spectre premiere he got someone from his entourage to hand his half-drunk bottle of pink champagne to a group of bemused barristers, telling them to “enjoy”.
Adele’s Hello is selling more than 50,000 downloads per day this week. (This week’s number one, KDA ft. Tinie Tempah and Katy B, sold 60k in the whole week.)
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which famed British actor has been bringing inventive new meaning to the phrase “golden handshake”? His big thing is to get his rather well-to-do conquests to piss in his cupped hands.
Weirdest detail from the Becky Watts trial? The porn addict accused says his girlfriend only watched one porno with him: Tulisa’s sex tape.
>> Overs-kill <<
X marks the spot
With all the wobbles he’s had this year, Simon Cowell really needs the X Factor live shows to go to plan.
The whole idea of this series was to seem younger and cooler (hence the Grimmy/Rita reboot) but it’s the stories of the oldies that have seemed to go over best with the audience.
Plans are geared towards a young winner this year, so which “overs” did they pick? Max, as early cannon fodder; Bupsi, this year’s take on Wagner; and Anton. Anton might make for good TV, but we’re told he’s slated to take the Maloney position. And if he looks to be challenging a more youthful winner? Word is they have enough ammo to take him out.
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It’s the first live X Factor show on Saturday. Want to win something? Coral have a new customer offer about as good as it ever gets! Simon Cowell to give ANY act a standing ovation: 5/1 (5GBP only) 20GBP in free bets if you lose.
http://bit.ly/1PUegVG
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>> Lording it up <<
Classic Tory party
At his castle in Ireland a few years back, Andrew Lloyd Webber hosted a rather fancy dinner party. Once dinner was over His Lordship excused himself, only to return dressed in a full maid’s outfit.
His guests found the costume change pretty funny, but ALW wasn’t laughing. In fact, he didn’t break character at all, insisting to everyone that “Andrew” had left and “The Maid” needed people to leave so that she could clean up.
Getting your album into this week’s top five took less than 10K sales.
>> Ready, Steady, Crook! <<
Anthony still loves a bargain
After getting in trouble with Tesco for shoplifting a couple of years back, Antony Worrall Thompson was seen last week in Henley-On-Thames Waitrose, engaged in a minor scuffle around the reduced items.
What was the bearded television chef so desperate to purchase on the cheap? It looked a lot like… ready meals.
Which artist has the most UK number one singles in this decade? Tinie Tempah. With eight. Yes, really.
>> Cockwatching <<
Wee Billy Winkie
Usually when we get sent a Westminster wang sighting, it’s the result of a furtive glance at the urinal or a stolen glimpse in the shower.
But Labour MP Bill Esterson has been flaunting himself in the changing rooms at the parliamentary gym so much – stripping bollock naked and giving himself a very public towelling down – you’d think he was doing it specifically to get a mention in this hallowed section.
Nice try, Bill, but you and Little Billy are going to have to be a little bit smarter than that if you want a shout-out.
Cockwatch Extra from Big_Ben: “Tom Watson… a walker not a washer. Waddled out of the gents without so much as a glance at the sink.”
>> Model player <<
Intimate dining with Aaron
We thought it a little strange when Arsenal’s Aaron Ramsey signed up with Elite Models (the agency that discovered Gisele, Cindy Crawford, Stephanie Seymour etc…) but we guessed they knew what they were doing.
Perhaps things haven’t gone as well as they hoped. Tonight Elite has organised an “intimate dining experience” with Aaron. They seem to be pimping the poor lad out to potential brands and sponsors at a private dining room in Knightsbridge.
It might have worked – as Arsenal fans at some pretty prestigious brands were desperately trying to sew up places on the table.
Local news headline of the month, in the ever reliable Brighton Argus: “Married couple still together after dog shaving kit attack”.
>> Hairy subject <<
Hollywood life exposed?
OK! Magazine’s latest issue has some pictures of the stars of the new movie Burnt, Bradley Cooper and Sienna Miller, out together.
It’s accompanied by a nice little piece about the pair of them getting a bit of time off from their hectic red carpet and promo schedule. But is OK! coyly trying to tell us something else about the pair?
“Bradley, who previously starred with Sienna in the 2014 Oscar-winning American Sniper, looked dapper and showed the beginnings of a beard.”
Nom Det I: Looking for a job at Ford? Who you gonna call? Senior HR Recruiter… Kavita Kareer!
>> Spoils of phwoar <<
Bachelorette gets papped
A few hours before the finale of the huge Australian TV hit The Bachelorette was due to air, MailOnline published a series of photos which rather spoiled the series’ ending.
Paparazzi had been tasked to relentlessly follow the last three males in the contest and eventually they struck gold, snapping a set of photos involving Sasha and the Bachelorette. Bingo.
If paps over here ever tried anything similar, it could spell the end for shows like The Apprentice. But hopefully nothing like that would ever, ever happen…
Nom Det II: The Director of Marine Investigations for Canada’s Transportation Safety Board is… Marc Andre Poisson.
>> Crazy, crazy nights <<
Kiss boredom goodbye at quiz
Join us in Shoreditch for the last Popbitch Quiz of the year on Tuesday 10th November.
In a year where David Cameron fucked a pig, Jeremy Clarkson punched a colleague, and it became legally impossible to libel Cilla Black – do you really want to miss out on answering questions on them?
Food! Booze! Prizes! Gossip! Accordion karaoke! All this for just 5GBP (+booking fee) per person.
Hosted by Tom Webb at Smiths of Spitalfields, October was fully sold out, so snap your tickets up now:
http://bit.ly/1NW5Rlc
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Popbitch tip for a fun night out – stand-up ALFIE BROWN brings his hit Edinburgh show ‘-ism’ to the Soho Theatre from 4th Nov: http://bit.ly/1KHqppT
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>> Hmmms <<
Texas, sumo, balls
West Hollywood has a feminist haunted house:
http://lat.ms/20aAtmF
Sci-fi podcast To The Manor Borne By Robots returns. Just in time for Halloween, ep. 5 includes a ghost tale set on a backpacker island in Thailand. Sex, drugs, violence and real estate. Free download on iTunes, or here:
http://bit.ly/1M33ryN
Has Nathan Barley caught on in Norway? Norwegians describe things as being “totally Texas!”
http://bit.ly/1XzbSWF
Are Lord Ashcroft and Isabel Oakeshott using subliminal tactics to make the pig story seem more plausible?
http://bit.ly/1ilPmRd
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Thanks to: dom kaos, mrr, JPundit, A, C, majorbloodnok, atticusfinch, AW, big_ben, mount_st_nobody
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Old Jokes Home:
Q/ What do you call a film about a grumpy archaeologist?
A/ Indiana Groans
Still Bored?
Danny Dyer as 007 is double fackin’ nawty:
http://on.mash.to/1kb21HP
