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SPECIAL POPBITCH THEATRE OFFER! 2-for-1 tickets to see Christeene at Soho Theatre next Mon-Thurs, 9.30pm. 15GBP for the pair with code SKANK. Come join us at our fave genderqueer artist’s new show. It’s brilliant, anarchic filth: http://bit.ly/2bUPVhF
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“You don’t know what it means to be treated like a bitch” – Keith Vaz
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|_| |_|08.09.17 ISSUE 800
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* How do you mend a Beckham heart?
* Farewell Hiddleswift; hello Kaylor
* Charts: Chainsmokers are no 1
>> Soliciting opinion <<
Three cheers for Keith Vaz!
Keith Vaz MP has been raked over the coals this week for having employed the services of prostitutes and offering to buy them coke. His conduct has drawn some heavy criticism from pretty much everyone.
Everyone, except lawyers.
Before he became an MP, Vaz used to work as a solicitor – as did fellow prostitute bulk-buyer, Max Mosely.
Mosley employed five prostitutes to act out his controversial sexual fantasies. So in drawing the line at hiring just three, certain ex-colleagues feel that Vaz has actually done more than most to detoxify their profession’s reputation.
Ariana Grande is still living up to her diva reputation. Refused to leave her dressing room for a big photo shoot; a costly reschedule resulted.
>> Starcrossed lovers <<
Rebound it like Beckham
The gossip pages have been printing photos of David and Brooklyn Beckham attending a High Flying Birds gig together. It was presented as if David was treating his boy to a bit of father-son bonding after Brooklyn’s recent break-up.
We’re not so sure that’s what it was though.
You may remember we told you a few months back about a budding romance that was blossoming between Brooklyn and Anais Gallagher – a relationship nixed by Victoria, who preferred the idea of mixing in Hollywood A-List circles, rather than getting tangled back up in their 90s Cool Britannia roots.
Seeing as Brooklyn’s first port of call after breaking things off with Hollywood starlet Chloe Grace Moretz was a Noel Gallagher gig, it seems there’s just no stopping the heart when it knows what it wants.
In 2015 there were 15 babies in the UK named Corbyn.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which showbiz writer has been making the most of his influence by promising certain pop stars favourable coverage in exchange for a blowie?
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Fancy some comedy this weekend for FREE? Audience wanted for DVD recordings! See Scott Agnew, Seymour Mace, Tom Parry, David Trent and Phil Nichol. Two shows Friday 9th; four on Sat 10th Sept, Bloomsbury Studios. 5 x pairs for each show – email chris@gofasterstripe.com
For info or to buy further tickets: http://bit.ly/2c0mEpg
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>> Celebrity stupids <<
Wisdom of the footballers
Jamie Vardy on turning down a transfer to Arsenal:
“In my professional life, it was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, but I haven’t been a professional for that long. It was hard but it was actually an easy decision to make.”
Let’s hope he’s got a ghostwriter for the forthcoming autobiography and Hollywood movie.
Rebekah Vardy’s following the Danczuk approach to money-making. Her every move is photographed by FameFlynet, for which she’ll take a nice cut.
>> The Silkin touch <<
Welcome to the lion’s den
In our inbox this week, we got an invitation to join law firm Lewis Silkin at a seminar they are due to host about “Mental Health Issues in the Workplace”.
We’d be very interested to hear what they have to say on the matter – not least because one of their brood spent much of a recent Christmas holiday angrily emailing us well into the wee small hours of the morning, threatening us with ruin for an inconsequential story about one of his lower-rung clients.
As long as we aren’t sat next to him, consider us there…
A TV exec describes early sighting of Viceland as “old-skool youth TV; very Network 7”. Which would make Shane Smith… the new Janet Street-Porter?
>> Ball breath <<
Don’t stand so close to me
Yesterday’s papped pictures of Ed Balls and his Strictly dance partner Katya Jones whispering to one another sent shivers up the spine of one Popbitch reader.
They said that Ed Balls suffered from the most unpleasant coffee breath they’d ever experienced, and they’d been stood at least a metre away from him during their meeting.
For Katya’s sake, can a runner pop a bottle of Listerine in his dressing room?
Around 9-10% of rams are gay.
>> Dan Dancing <<
Strictly Come Data
It’s risky to predict the winner of a celebrity dance contest without having seen anyone actually dance a single step, but we’ve gone through the stats of the previous 13 seasons to see if we can figure out who has the best chance.
Here’s what we found:
1. Start with the partners, and look for a pro who’s never won
2. Gender isn’t an influence but winners are trending younger than in earlier series; winners now are in their 20s – not 30s
3. Mainstream TV and pop stars do best
4. Britain loves an underdog who “goes on a journey” and improves; not one who starts fully trained
So who is the best position, going on the stats alone?
Danny Mac.
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>> Tomfoolery <<
Moving swiftly on…
The time has come to pour one out for Hiddleswift – the least convincing celebrity romance since Stephen Gateley got engaged to Kerri Ann.
Still, the break-up will come as good news to a few people.
Both Tom and Taylor’s PR teams are working round the clock, briefing against the other to ensure their client is the one who comes out on top – racking up the billable hours.
The subset of Tumblr dedicated to Kaylor shipping will now have a whole new cache of evidence to meticulously dissect.
But happiest of all will be the private investigators. The more ruthless self-promoters that are single, the bigger their client lists…
FYI: Want to know how PIs have found themselves getting involved in celebrity relationships?
http://bit.ly/2bW6O0y
Sky Atlantic may have finally got itself a homegrown hit. Jude Law vehicle The Young Pope got rave reviews at Venice Film Festival.
>> Jack: shit <<
Who wants a pizza the action?
E4’s Celebs Go Dating is a hit and reality stars like Joey Essex, Charlotte Crosby and Paisley Billings are winning loads of new fans as a result.
Somewhat less popular is the YouTube prankster Jack Jones, disliked by viewers, reviewers and crew alike.
YouTube ‘personalities’ have always struggled to translate to TV – with ratings taking a slump whenever they turn up as guests or panelists on shows – but Jones seems especially charmless.
Not only that, he’s a grass too. Despite making his name tormenting unwitting members of the public, when someone tried to give him a taste of his own medicine, via a pizza slice slapped round his chops, he called the police on them.
Nominative Determinism Of The Week: Chairman of the Northern Territories Seafood Council… Mr Rob Fish!
>> Carbon grating <<
The habits of successful people
With the Guardian’s financial situation looking increasingly dire, they’ll really need some steady corporate management over the coming months.
A shame then that the Guardian’s CEO, David Pemsel, was best known in his previous job as Marketing Director for ITV for sulking if his name wasn’t the first one CC’d on any email – no matter whether the email actually concerned him or not.
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Media Masters podcast: Amy Bernstein Editor of Harvard Business Review talks the Next Big Thing in business Listen: http://bit.ly/2cjVpa0
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>> Hmmms <<
R2D2, Juggalos, Hitler
Leonardo DiCaprio’s charity foundation in embroiled in a Malaysian money scandal:
http://bit.ly/2bXMn4w
How long since Ken Livingstone mentioned Hitler?
http://bit.ly/2bY0yDG
Interesting article on Insane Clown Posse and the homeless Juggalos of Oklahoma:
http://bit.ly/2cfrcZi
Work in advertising? You might want to get involved in this:
http://www.8andrising.com
He’s barely cold in his box, but R2D2’s Rolls is up for sale:
http://bit.ly/2cfuXOq
Local News Of The Week – The fart heard around the world:
http://bit.ly/2cht1qg
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Thanks to: IS, JA, JH, SG, JS, MDS, agnetha, dances_with_mustelids, AM, SA, SW, OG, RS, DL, LH, ME, MS
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Old Jokes Home:
The wife said she’d like me to make love to her over the bonnet of her Honda Civic.
I never would have thought of doing that on my own Accord.
Still Bored?
Want to be Jan Leeming’s neighbour?
http://bit.ly/2ckEHsq
