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Want to ask Will Self a question? Go and see Will Self in conversation with Will Self on 5th March in London and he will answer (almost) anything. Enter code POPBITCH for 20% off tickets:
http://bit.ly/1ziubpW
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“It’s taken me until 40 to get my head out of my ass” – Gwyneth Paltrow
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_|14.01.15 ISSUE 721
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* Wealdstone Raider: the sequel
* The Last Shit with Jimmy Nail
* Uptown Funk will still be No 1
>> Handy Andy <<
Prince’s rough trade mission
Back when Prince Andrew was a business ambassador for the government, he went on a trade mission to Kazakhstan for a big energy firm. Fellow members of the mission remember him most for his translator.
a) The translator was female
b) The translator was young
c) Weirdly, the translator didn’t know a lot of English so couldn’t translate much.
FYI: Andrew’s nickname on the trip (out of earshot) was Mr Tickle. Apparently everyone was pleased to escape his “party hands”.
David De Gea’s girlfriend is Spain’s Eurovision entry.
>> Big Question <<
Who wants to know what?
Just who is putting around the rumour that Vladimir Putin has a love child in Berlin?
Also, how about the one saying Evening Standard boss, Evgeny Lebedev, is about to announce impending fatherhood?
And who will be left to write the Evening Standard now they’ve sacked most of their best journalists?
Mel C is a judge on the new Asia’s Got Talent.
>> Raider: the sequel <<
Do you want some more?
Ulysses writes:
“Bumped into the Wealdstone Raider again at the weekend. He told me the good news that his Christmas song made forty grand for his three charities (Great Ormond Street, Autism Concern and Wealdstone FC Youth).
“The bad news is that he’s making a follow up single, called Do You Want Some More? Tiny little man. Handshake like a dying bird.”
Richard Dawkins’ wife was overheard telling someone that she reads his books to him to help him sleep.
>> The Ex Files <<
Mulder-Scully shipping…
Spooky goings on in the Xmas vacation of the Duchovny family. Tea Leoni told Pagesix that she was off to Turks & Caicos islands to join her ex, David Duchovny and children for the holidays – a story that was circulated pretty much everywhere around the internet. But that hasn’t stopped two other rumours from gaining currency since then.
One: that she wasn’t there at all, and only told the gossip column that to try and keep up the pretence that they still get on well when actually they often need mediators to help them communicate.
And two, that the vacation that Gillian Anderson said she took with her kids at Christmas was at the very same resort (Grace Bay) as Duchovny.
Are the Mulder-Scully shippers on to something?
If the truth is out there, email us at hello@popbitch.com.
Louise from Sleeper is teaching people how to write novels. (It’ll set you back 3k though.)
>> The last shit <<
Avoiding the portaloos
Sting’s Broadway musical, The Last Ship, about being a young Sting, is closing next week. Who’d have thought that a musical about a North-East England shipbuilders’ yard wouldn’t quite take the American east coast by storm?
Until he stepped on to the stage to play himself, Sting was played by Jimmy Nail.
One thing we know about Jimmy Nail is that he has a fear of using portaloos. Which must have made filming Auf Wiedersehn Pet tricky.
Meghan Trainor says her nickname at school was ‘Singer Girl’. Must have been an exciting school…
>> Booted into touch <<
England in the World Cup
We’re always told it’s not easy being an England footballer. You have to go through all that pain and abuse for nothing more rewarding than the pride of wearing the shirt.
Mind you, it’s not without its perks. Quite a few of the England squad in the World Cup were on bonuses from their boot manufacturers. Every time they played, they got a nice little extra in their bank account. Top of the pile? Wayne Rooney, on a cool 100k bonus for each game played.
Phil Collins’ 13 year old son Nick is already drumming in a band.
>> App-y New Year! <<
Je Suis Brian Harvey
Something extra to read this weekend? Popbitch’s first magazine of 2015 is out now – featuring:
* Marty Singer: The man who’s got Bill Cosby’s back
* The Cost Of The Closet: We look at the economics of gay pop stars
* Crap Sri Lankan astrology!
* A farewell to Sarah Palin’s sexy double
* The CBB star who can piss into their own mouth, and much much more…
The son of former Liverpool manager Roy Evans quit his job when his company started selling merchandise from The Sun newspaper.
>> Booze Brother <<
Reality TV goes dark
From social experiment to poking sticks at caged monkeys for fun, Big Brother has certainly changed over the years on TV, but has it ever been as dark as this Celebrity Big Brother series?
Take a group of ex-addicts, put them in a room full of booze and surround them with some others who seem to want to drink 24/7.
Despite years of rehab and some success at sobriety, Jeremy Jackson was given a shedload of booze and then booted out of the show when he acted up.
Alexander O’Neal (multiple rehab), Kavana (drugs and booze rehab) and Calum Best (drink and drug problems; son of an alcoholic) have somehow managed to keep their cool. And isn’t it a bit much for Keith Chegwin (sober since 1991) to have to sit by crates of booze while the others joke about how likely he is to crack, and we see him cry in the diary room?
Keith, whatever they’re paying you, it’s not enough.
Twenty-eight years ago today Jools Holland was suspended from TV for using the phrase “groovy fuckers”. Sadly, the ban was rescinded.
>> Filmbits <<
Teen movie overload
The film we’re most looking forward to seeing now is Beyond Clueless, a personal essay about teen movies using clips from 200+ films, by Ultra Culture editor Charlie Lyne. After the Veronica Mars and Zach Braff debacles, this could actually be a Kickstarter-funded film worth watching.
Anyone anxiously waiting for Sam and the Womp’s follow up to the excellent Bom Bom… er, don’t. It’s 2015’s most annoying record.
>> When in Rome <<
Italy gets ready to exit
Things must be looking pretty bad for Italy’s economy.
They won Junior Eurovision but rumours suggest they are going to pull out of hosting the contest this year, pleading poverty.
Stepping into the gap? It’s believed to be that economic powerhouse… Bulgaria.
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COMPETITION! Mutiny… Mystery… Murder!
Treasure Island at the National Theatre in a thrilling new adaptation. Win a pair of tickets (Mon-Thurs until 13 Feb) Use competition code POPBITCH
http://bit.ly/14DWcdH
Buy tickets, until 8 April on 020 7452 3000 or here:
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>> Hmmms <<
Beer, Brian, Hackney
Last week Brian Harvey was being feted for his research at the House of Commons by Simon Danczuk MP. This week..
http://bit.ly/1CbCPUt
FROM THE MAGAZINE: Bill Cosby has hired the lawyer they call Mad Dog. This won’t end well:
http://bit.ly/1zmE7ig
“I just wanted to go there because I really enjoy roast dinners”:
http://bit.ly/1BwRxYp
FROM THE MAGAZINE: Dead dog vengeance movies are going to be big in 2015:
http://bit.ly/1sFNVRZ
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Thanks: JS, SK, SG, R, BD, PR, posh_duckhunter, RJ, ulysses
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Old Jokes Home:
You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water.
If it sinks: girl ant.
If it floats: boy ant.
