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Just in time for Shakespeare’s birthday – it’s what he would have wanted. A serious Shakespeare play with a seriously shit-faced cast member. Shit-faced Shakespeare. Leicester Square Theatre. 26 April+ http://bit.ly/shtfaceshakes
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“I guess you could say I’m a gay cock tease” – James Franco
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|_| |_|21.03.15 ISSUE 782
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* The injunction rumbles on
* And other Pricey legal troubles
* Charts: Drake is still no. 1
>> Quantitative greasing <<
Slicker than your average
If you have read much of the coverage of the PJS injunction, you may have seen the detail about the ‘olive oil wrestling experience’ – in which a threesome was conducted in a paddling pool full of olive oil.
Maybe you thought to yourself “Huh. That sounds interesting. I wonder how much something like that would cost?”
Well, wonder no more, friends! We have crunched the numbers for you. So if you want to stage your own slicked-up sex romp, we’ve worked out packages to suit every budget…
Tom Hingley, the singer in the Inspiral Carpets, has joined an Inspiral Carpets tribute band.
>> Outfoxed <<
Leicester bosses drop ball
Leicester City coming top of the Premier League is about as close as you can get to a fairytale story in football, but there may be an especially juicy cherry on top for their lovely manager, Claudio Ranieri.
Leicester bosses were so keen to write a bunch of stringent get-out clauses in his contract should Leicester get relegated that they paid no attention to what would happen if the team did better than expected.
Which stands to reason. If your team was a 5,000-1 outsider to win the league you probably wouldn’t have cared if the manager’s contract had a clause for an absolutely enormous bonus for doing just that, would you?
Justin Bieber’s Love Yourself has been Top 10 in America for 22 weeks.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which kiss’n’tell girl – the grand-daughter of a prosperous brothel owner – has an injunction out stopping her from dishing dirt to the media?
Good news! Tom Baker is putting it in (the can) again. He’s out of hospital and back doing voiceover work in a London studio.
>> Take Two-otton <<
The game continues…
That fun Dan Wootton game we told you about last week is catching on. Sun Online hacks have started deliberately misspelling Dan’s surname to see who can get the quickest, cattiest response from him (current record: 10 mins, quite catty.)
Now it appears to be crossing over into the mainstream.
Lily Allen threw an immaculate bit of shade at Wootton this morning after he chose to run an interview with Katherine Jenkins which rather undermined Lily’s harrowing story about having been stalked for seven years.
In doing so, she happened to misspell his name: “Thanks for your support @danwooton”.
We don’t know if she intended to do it or not, but if she didn’t – rest assured, Lily. That will have pissed him off more than anything else you possibly could have done.
Coachella’s biggest caner? The final result is not yet in, but early favourite is Bieber’s socialite pal, Hailey Baldwin.
>> Pretty smart <<
Beauty and brains
Congratulations to Jennifer Aniston for winning People Magazine’s coveted World’s Most Beautiful Woman 2016 award.
It really couldn’t have come at a better time. Jennifer’s new film, Mother’s Day, is out next week so this will finally give her something to talk about in all those promo interviews she has lined up with other magazines.
And not only will it massively help the studio’s marketing (People readers is their target demographic) it also saves the magazine the hassle of having to pay to set up a photoshoot and interview in order to get her on the front pages the way they normally do.
Looks like Jen wasn’t the only winner!
People once spent $75k buying up a photo of J-Lo reading a copy of one of its rivals, just so the rival mag could never use the shot.
>> Gagging for it <<
Happy birthday to us
Our fingers are hovering over the publish button on the next issue of Popbitch Magazine – which is ready to go the second we get a decision either way on PJS v News Group Newspapers.
As the Supreme Court is still deliberating, we didn’t want you having nothing juicy to read this weekend. So here’s a special issue to mark Popbitch Magazine’s second birthday.
The Best Of Year Two is free to download and features some of our favourite long-reads of the last 12 months, inc. the mysteries of Prince’s missing rib, coke parties in the Queen’s toilet, the hell of comments sections and a Freudian explanation of Kanye’s anal fixation.
UK Eurovision act Joe and Jake are big 18 certificate film buffs. They can dissect both Filth and Human Centipede 3 with ease.
>> Easy rider <<
Making a dog’s dinner
In an ongoing quest to rank every single celebrity by the complexity of their backstage demands, we have a new name to add to our list: Britain’s Got Talent winner, Pudsey the dog.
Pudsey’s rider request at a recent public appearance? One ham sandwich.
Which puts him some way under the Mariah Careys of this world, but still makes him more of a diva than Princess Anne (who simply requested one can of full-fat coke) and infinitely more demanding than the Cheeky Girls (who didn’t even know what a rider was; they just used to love performing…)
Air quality in Kabul is so bad that all US military have to be checked out after only two weeks.
>> Priced out <<
What’s the hold-up, Katie?
We told you back in December that Katie Price had settled a privacy case with her former husband, friend and manager rather than have some shocking stories revealed in court. But, for some reason, Pricey hasn’t yet ponied up the money she owes to cover the defendants’ costs. At least one of them is still owed a whopping 500k.
So is it a case of can’t pay or won’t pay? If Pricey is half the businesswoman she has always claimed to be she should be able to pay this off in a heartbeat.
If not, then that eighth boob job she’s been talking about buying for herself in the press might have to wait another year.
Brexit Corner: Martin Degville, from 80s new wave mentalists Sigue Sigue Sputnik, backs Vote Leave.
>> Dirty rats <<
Another day, another fake
The Independent and Evening Standard this week have been going large on a terrifying story of giant rats found in a south London housing estate, complete with photos of terrifyingly massive rats.
The only problem is, those photos aren’t giant rats. They’re swamp rats (more like coypu). And the photo isn’t from a south London housing estate. It’s from Louisiana.
The New Day aimed for a daily sale of 200,000. Rumours leaking out of Trinity Mirror, however, suggest circulation is closer to 35,000.
>> John Doe <<
Empty chairs at MP tables
Spare a thought for John Hemming, the pro-freedom of speech MP who famously used parliamentary privilege to name the injunction-holding Ryan Giggs in the Commons.
Since the PJS injunction hit the headlines, almost every media outlet has been on at Hemmings about whether he would be up for doing it again.
Poor old Hemming has had to point out to them all that, alas, he is no longer an MP, having lost his seat in 2015 – a fact that almost none of them had previously noticed.
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Media Masters podcast interview Paul Staines, aka Guido Fawkes, Westminster’s mischief-maker. Listen here: http://ow.ly/4mVyiF
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>> Hmmms <<
Binman, Fran, Dangerous Danan
Lovely JoJos for hand-made prints and gifts – 20% off everything with code BITCH20:
http://www.lovelyjojos.com
MAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING NOISE, SHOREDITCH! Paul Danan has a new radio show:
http://bit.ly/210pNGr
Danan’s old wingman Fran Cosgrove has a new career carved out too:
http://bit.ly/210pOKz
Justin Bieber colouring and activity book. 15% off with code POPBITCH:
http://bit.ly/1MJZm5B
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Thanks to: The Ears, AB, DomKaos, SW, JB, AM, NB, posh duckhunter, _________, richjohnston, TM, danceswithmustelids, kerching, bobbifleckmann
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Old Jokes Home
Q/ What’s the most popular chocolate bar at a Mexican funeral?
A/ A sombre Aero.
Still Bored?
Bad Lip Reading takes on Hillary and Bernie:
https://youtu.be/ROBTDSK46aU
