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Nasty women and bad hombres! Watch the US election with us all night long at the Street Feast/Popbitch US Election Party on 8th Nov. 50GBP tickets inc.unlimited US street food, a pint of Obama’s favourite beer and a bourbon, US and UK TV rooms, Popbitch quiz, party games – plus survivors’ breakfast/coffee: 8pm-5am! Dinerama, Shoreditch: http://bit.ly/2e9xMRZ
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“I’m the first to admit I’m no Maria Callas” – Whigfield
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|_| |_|27.10.17 ISSUE 807
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* Benedict’s baby conspiracies
* RIP Pete Burns
* Charts: Little Mix no 1
>> Baldwinner <<
Life imitating art
Alec Baldwin has been getting plaudits for his portrayal of Donald Trump on Saturday Night Live. He’s been channelling The Donald rather perfectly – but maybe it’s not all just an act.
Baldwin has a strong belief in deep state conspiracy theories. He’s started telling people that he’s positive Osama bin Laden is still alive. That the Americans only pretended to kill him. And that there’s a huge conspiracy in place to cover it all up.
How far has he fallen down the rabbit hole? Who knows. Let’s just cross our fingers no-one asks him any questions about birth certificates between now and November 8th…
The day after Jimmy Perry died, the Coldstream Band played the theme to Dad’s Army at Changing of the Guard.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which England football star likes to maintain a public imagine that he’s a happy family man, while pestering a 19 year-old waitress who works at his club to let him take her home?
Popbitch’s favourite publicist of the week? Max Markson from the LA-based firm… MarksonSparks.
>> Half baked <<
TV exec uses loaf
Farewell Bake Off. With Richard Ayoade the current front-runner to host the Channel 4 incarnation come 2018, whatever show emerges will have a very different hue to its cosy BBC incarnation.
People are still a bit confused as to why Love Productions would make such a risky move with their biggest hit, but one thing that might explain it:
Love sold their company to BSkyB back in 2014, but their bosses only get their full payout if they hit certain earnings targets. Without the prospect of another big franchise hit, this wasn’t necessarily on the cards. But one sale to Jay Hunt for 75m? Targets met.
FYI: That Jay Hunt-to-Amazon rumour doing the rounds has been replaced by another. One that has her taking over from David Abraham as C4’s next CEO.
Jay Hunt likes “yes men”, so shipped a load in to surround her at C4. Her team’s nickname in the industry is “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
>> Fashion sale <<
It’s a slippery business
Elton John has announced he’s putting out a vinyl box set of albums with Burberry. The set is limited to 800 copies, yet even that might be a struggle to shift if recent sales are any guide.
Even a big show at the Apple Music Festival in London didn’t give Elton’s recent album any kind of sales bump – he sold just 187 copies last week at a time when oldies like Elvis, Status Quo and Phil Collins are ruling the top 10.
Let’s hope the Burberry project goes a little better that that, or Elton’s husband-manager David Furnish may be called in to help pour a little oil on those troubled waters.
Little Mix knock James Arthur off number one slot; the first time a British artist has replaced another since last November.
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BURNS: OUT – A POPBITCH MINI-SPECIAL
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>> RIP: Pete Burns <<
Gorillas breathe sigh of relief
We were very sad to hear of the death of Pete Burns. We didn’t always have the smoothest of relationships with Pete. A story we wrote on him nearly 14 years ago prompted the most explosive legal bust-up we’ve ever had.
Our personal phone numbers were posted online, Pete’s hardcore international fans set up a rota to send us death threats at all hours of the day, and Pete and his manager sent some extremely vicious letters (one which was signed off with the immortal line: “Worst wishes, you cunts. Pete Burns”).
Thankfully the feud wore off and a few years later we became (almost) friends again, when Pete agreed to played live at one of our parties.
One of Popbitch’s main raisons d’etre is to promote oddball, force-of-nature pop stars over the bland creations of marketing men – and there’s probably never been a better oddball force-of-nature than Pete Burns.
Our thoughts are with his family and friends this week.
Pete Burns’ chosen Celebrity Big Brother charity was Mermaids, a support group for teens with gender identity issues.
>> Popstar lessons 101 <<
X Factor kids: take note
As part of the publicity for the umpteenth re-release of You Spin Me Round in 2006, Pete Burns did an interview for a local paper. The picture editor obviously didn’t check the accompanying pictures too closely because the resulting double-page spread of Pete featured a promo shot of him wearing a tie.
A tie that featured a rather lovely illustration of a bunch of burly men being fisted in a daisy chain.
Soho clubland rumours used to say Pete’s lips were made of foreskins, smuggled in from Russia, after being discarded by doctors who have performed circumcisions.
>> Lip Sync <<
Uncomfortably numb
Before suing his plastic surgeon for his botched lips, Pete blamed an unlikely culprit for the disaster zone: Scissor Sisters.
He claimed that Scissor Sister Ana Matronic somehow managed to infect the microphone at a gig they were both doing. Pete went on stage, and boom… his lips exploded.
While Pete and the Scissors’ relationship was never quite the same after that, he did end up getting 450K from his surgeon.
Pete Burns once told us that Mike Stock (out of Stock/Aitken/Waterman) could make mattresses spontaneously burst into flames.
>> School daze <<
Valley of (eye) shadows
Bitterqueen writes.
“The sad passing of Pete Burns reminds me of a tale from a friend of mine who was at school with him. My friend was forbidden by his mother to befriend Pete. Why? ‘You’re not hanging round with a boy who wears more eyeshadow than I do’.”
Bland Jessica Simpson dared to cover You Spin Me Round in 2006. It tanked. She’s not had a hit since.
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BURNS: OUT – MINI-SPECIAL ENDS
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>> Dr Strange tales <<
How to avoid the baby blues
It’s not easy being a superfan when your idol is all loved up and happy at home, but Benedict Cumberbatch’s infamous fangirls (aka the Cumberbitches) are doing everything they possibly can to maintain their undying allegiance to the actor.
Their reaction to news that Benny is about to have baby number two? Well, obviously they can’t accept it.
The crazy story that’s being circulated is that the baby isn’t his at all. It’s Mrs Cumberbatch’s boyfriend’s baby. So they love Benedict even more for being so generous and willing to pass it off as his own.
Good work, girls!
Baboon v Badger: Anne-Marie Duff’s answer is “A badger, because I always support the underdog.”
>> Baking bad <<
Meth deals Dubai-style
A country seemingly incapable of turning down a bad idea, plans are afoot to open a new cafe in Dubai. One with a Breaking Bad theme…
A strange choice considering the emirate’s zero-tolerance policy towards drugs. Given that you can be locked up in Dubai for as little as having a pocketful of poppy seeds, we can’t imagine their muffins are going to be up to much.
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An evening of alien investigations. Jim Al-Khalili talks with Dallas Campbell, Louisa Preston, Lewis Dartnell and Adam Rutherford, from alien abductions to finding ET. 5×15 on Aliens – 9 Nov, 7pm, Conway Hall, WC1R. 15GBP tickets – code ALIENS: http://bit.ly/2eKayms
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>> Mouldy old dough <<
Dubai Celebrity chefs pt 43
Celeb chef Brian Turner was in Dubai recently, hosting “An Evening with Brian Turner”. He created the menu and oversaw the night at a smart restaurant (that used to be run by Gordon Ramsay) but it didn’t go well.
Diners complained about the tiny portions of sub-par food. Turner seemed to barely step into the kitchen, preferring to drink wine and schmooze with the ladies.
Still, nothing could have prepared guests for the cheese course…
http://bit.ly/2dM0s4x
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Competition – win spooky ceramic cocktail mugs from Bespoke Barware’s halloween shop. Q: What does a ghost eat for dessert? Answer by noon GMT on Friday to stuff@popbitch.com
http://www.bespokebarware.com/shop/
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>> Hmmms <<
Dildonics, hedgehog, lasers
Want a long read this weekend? The Popbitch Election Special is available for FREE. Download it now for smartphone/tablets:
iOS: http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y
Android: http://bit.ly/1vvdK7H
Word of the week: Teledildonics (aka controlling your sex toys with wifi/bluetooth):
http://bit.ly/2eeUAgv
Media Masters podcast – John Hardie, Chief Executive, ITN, on the future of TV news:
Listen: http://bit.ly/2dKHQlt
The best 80s corporate video? (esp the laser show at 4:53):
https://youtu.be/1jvINPj5Saw
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Thanks to: Anon, meow, AP, W, SA, deep_stoat, bitterqueen, EIB, BB
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Old Jokes Home:
A woman sees a sign in a pet shop window which reads “Fanny Licking Frog: Ten Pounds”. She goes in and says “I would like to see the fanny licking frog, please.”
The man behind the counter says “Bonjour…”
Still Bored?
Hans Teeuwen (described by Stewart Lee as “one of the greatest stand-ups ever”) comes to the Leicester Square Theatre. Tickets are 15GBP for Nov 3/4/5/10/11/12 with the exclusive promo code POPHANS:
http://bit.ly/2eJL3i2
