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Unmissable talk – David McCandless, one of the greatest information designers, whose TED talk had 2.5m+ views, on 9 Feb, Royal Institution, W1. Knowledge is Beautiful. 10% off with code Popbitch: http://bit.ly/2j5VpKK
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“I thought, ‘I can’t be bothered to do this. You know what? Just wee on the floor'” – Rita Ora
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_|05.01.17 ISSUE 813
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* Wham RIP! A tribute to George
* Clearing up after the Quo
* Charts: Clean Bandit still no 1?
>> Dear stalker <<
The game is afoot in mouth
It’s been an eventful couple of weeks for the Sherlock fandom, what with a new series starting on BBC1, coupled with the news that Amanda Abbington and Martin Freeman have split up.
While it’s true that everything is very amicable between them, what’s not been mentioned yet is one of the catalysts for the split; the day she was using his laptop and found loads of email conversations between him and a Sherlock superfan.
The best-selling celebrity calendar on Amazon’s UK site? Cliff Richard.
>> New year’s dishonour <<
A skidmark of approval
Our congratulations to Helen McCrory on her recent OBE for services to the theatre.
Our congratulations too to all of the unsung heroes who work hard behind the scenes to help her. (In particular, to the costumiers who had to put in extra hours hand-washing her gussets, thanks to her habit of not wearing any underwear when she’s on stage.)
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7 Days To Drink Less: Worried about your drinking? Want to cut back but don’t know how? Try the 7 Days To Drink Less online programme (as featured in The Times, Psychologies Mag, Good Housekeeping, Sky News…) http://bit.ly/2hTsR9A
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>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which beloved sci-fi actress has a rather odd daily routine which involves manually wanking off her dog to stop it from becoming too aggressive – seven days a week?
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Discover global cuisine and cook delicious meals under 600 calories without compromising on flavour! Try cooking 4 meals for 2-4 people with a letterbox friendly trial box for just one pound! Claim this limited offer now: http://bit.ly/2j5zgMH
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>> Quid pro coke <<
Down down, sweeper and down
Upon hearing of the death of Status Quo’s Rick Parfitt, a photographer’s assistant remembers the time in the 90s when he was asked to tidy up Parfitt’s dressing room before a shoot.
The dressing table had a large amount of make-up piled up all over the place so he dutifully packed it all up and wiped away the enormous cone of face powder into the bin.
When Rick arrived to his newly tidied room, he did his nut.
The assistant then had to spend the next hour on his knees like Cinderella, performing the near impossible task of separating out the gak from the rest of the sweepings.
Congratulations to Viceland, whose viewing figures have improved. They are no longer rating at 0. They now have a 0.02% audience share.
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WHAM RIP! A GEORGE MICHAEL SPECIAL
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>> Bye, bi baby <<
Some very fond memories
Back in the early days of Popbitch, one of our editors struck up a conversation on gay.com with a user by the name of “Regents Park Bi”.
Having exchanged the usual pleasantries, the two arranged to meet for sex – and our ed was most surprised to find none other than George Michael turning up on his doorstep.
(George then took to going to assignations in a balaclava so that he wouldn’t be recognised.)
Another way George used to preserve his anonymity was by checking in to hotels under the name Hugh Jarss.
>> Careless printer <<
The Sun went down on him
SH writes:
“In November 1996, I was working at the Big Issue when we got our first major celebrity scoop – George Michael spoke openly about his sexuality for the first time. It was a huge boost to us (and the homeless people who sold it) that he chose The Big Issue for this interview.
“We were all sworn to secrecy and the valuable exclusive was kept under tight security until it hit the streets on Monday’s publication. Until – over the weekend – a copy got smuggled to the Sun (via one of the printer’s wives) who nicked our exclusive and splashed with it on Saturday, ruining our exclusive.
“But customers were disgusted with the Sun’s underhand tactics and, as a result, sales on the Monday rocketed. We smashed all former sales records – and thousands were earned by homeless vendors as a result.”
George’s accountant and lawyer were always better known at his record label by the nicknames “Burke and Hare”.
>> Plot points <<
Keeping good company
George Michael is expected to be buried next to his mother in Highgate Cemetery. Her neighbour on the other side is Alexander Litvinenko (the Russian who died of polonium posioning).
Few people worked out who she was as she’s there under her Greek surname. The guides never gave the game away either as they told people that “this lady’s son asks that you don’t take pictures of her grave”.
George Michael’s favourite ever book was The Gift, by Danielle Steele.
>> Geri slandering <<
George ribbing Ginger
George Michael was a huge fan of Little Britain. He first got into Matt Lucas and David Walliams through their earlier Rock Profile series. He used to ring up and laugh at Geri Halliwell whenever she got the piss taken out of her on the show.
Apparently Geri was quite upset about it all at first, but was re-assured when George told her “You really are like that, dear.”
This Xmas number one (Clean Bandit) is the lowest selling since Xmas number ones became a “thing”. The previous worst? Mr Blobby.
>> Blue Christmas <<
Ambience is back in style
Has any death since Princess Di brought out as much fevered tabloid speculation as George Michael’s? We’re sure you’re all seasoned media-watchers and don’t need help reading the subtext, so we won’t join in the chorus piling in on poor, buffoonish Fadi Fawez.
But a quick look at the stories does tell us one thing. The job title “celebrity stylist” is obviously the 21st century version of the 1980s job of “ambience technician” in a music star’s entourage.
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WHAM RIP ENDS: FAREWELL, GEORGE
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Celebrity branded merchandise won’t be getting any less weird in 2017. Oddest thing out now? Cristiano Ronaldo CR7 chocolate chip cookies.
>> Storm in a teen cup <<
What a difference a year makes
Though she is practically unknown beyond the Mail Online’s sidebar of shame, Scottish singer Tallia Storm has been plastered all over the Mail’s site this last week as she took her annual NYE holiday in Barbados.
And my, how the coverage has changed since she turned 18 a few months back.
Last year (aged 17) Tallia’s same island getaway was filled with “cute”, “stylish”, “chic” swimwear as she enjoyed “a dip in the sea”, “ran into friends” and “made sandcastles” with Chris Evans and his kids. The most she showed off was her “colourful fashion sense”.
This year (aged 18) the coverage has been a hot, frothing mess. She’s been “flaunting her perky cleavage”, she’s “showcased her immaculate honed physique” and was “flashing the flesh” in her “sizzling”, “skimpy” and “VERY revealing” swimsuits – with her “pert bottom and lithe legs” “stealing the show”.
The most gag-inducing bit of it all? Her mother does her PR.
Mark Thomas spotted in the Algerian Coffee Store, Soho, refusing to add 30p to the bill in order to pay by card.
>> Alt-write <<
The sound of the ‘poulos
Milo Yiannopoulos – darling of the alt-right and My Chemical Romance cosplayer – has signed a $250,000 book deal with Simon & Schuster.
The only people keener to read it than Klan members and potential school-shooters are Tori Amos’s lawyers. The last time Milo actually managed to finish a book (his self-published collection of poetry, Eskimo Papoose) it transpired that numerous lines of it had been lifted from Amos’s lyrics.
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>> Hmmms <<
Darude, Avocado, Latvia
Darude brought in the Finnish New Year with the perfectly-timed drop of Sandstorm:
http://bit.ly/2izSj4z
Local News Of The Week: Man spends five grand making a Ben-Mitchell-from-EastEnders shrine in his home…
http://bit.ly/2izNl7O
Europe is doomed; people are getting way too excited about an avocado restaurant:
http://bit.ly/2iHR8AI
Replacing all the instruments in The Barenaked Ladies’ song One Week with the lead singer singing “It’s been…”
http://bit.ly/2hQj8xf
Latvia’s Defence Minister is called… Jānis Garisons:
http://bit.ly/2hRZGFk
This week’s Media Masters podcast: Tess Alps, TV’s self-described “wise old bird”
http://bit.ly/2jdjbsl
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Thanks to: EIB, B, M, PD, SH, Ulysses, posh_duckhunter, Scousernorm, JM, Llanelliboy,
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Old Jokes Home:
When I first met my girlfriend I knew she was a keeper.
She had massive gloves on.
Still Bored?
Call centre scammers – a nice read:
http://nyti.ms/2hU8XuT
