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An otterly awesome offer for Valentine’s night at the museum. Popbitch subscribers get 20% off Sleeping with Sherlock, Museum of London’s Valentine’s all-nighter. Slumberbatch won’t be there, but you can fanny with forensics, dig into a 3-course meal, catch a film and enjoy some improv! Book online with code POPBTCH.
http://bit.ly/sleepwithsherlock
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“I’m not a god, I’m not a doctor, I can’t do heart surgery” – Meghan Trainor
“I refuse to come off social media because it’s part of my career” – Chloe Madeley
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|_| |_|29.01.15 ISSUE 723
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* Donny’s dirty doppelganger
* More celebrity jazz mags
* Uptown Funk is no 1 again
>> Dr, who? <<
Luvvies love a kiss
We got an odd email earlier this month, suggesting that David Tennant and his wife had quietly and amicably separated, and that both were happily with new partners.
We kind of forgot all about it until the National Television Awards, when one of the crew remarked that it was a bit odd that Tennant seemed to be “kissing one woman in front of the cameras and a second behind them”.
So maybe that email wasn’t so odd after all. Or maybe luvvies just love a bit of award show kissing.
The average speed of a motor vehicle in Manhattan is seven miles an hour. The same speed as a running possum.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which Brit actor has a penis so big that after sex he has to lie down for at least ten minutes so the blood from his manhood can recirculate round his body? If he stands up too quickly he’s liable to faint. Spooky, eh?
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Museum of London’s Valentine’s Eve event, Late London: Bohemian city. Get 20% off with code POPBTCH.
http://bit.ly/latelondon
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>> Shady dealings <<
It’s fun being a Tourette
Lock up your daughters! The Towers of London have reformed!
Donny Tourette must be a bit worried about seeking fame again. First time around he had a stalker that tried to look and dress just like him. Amused by this, the pop star befriended him, only to find him one day suddenly asking to confess something.
The lookalike had been impersonating him in club VIP rooms. And that this had led to him fucking a couple
of porn stars (he kept his sunglasses on the whole time so as not to let up the disguise). The porn stars then sold the story to the tabloids. Time, the stalker thought, to own up.
Will the BBC never learn? The BBC Media City in Salford switched its milk supplier last year. Now their milk comes from… Yew Tree Dairy.
>> Popshow <<
Special Offer
We’re very excited about the new Kim Noble show at Soho Theatre. So much so that we are doing a SPECIAL POPBITCH NIGHT, Weds 11 Feb, 730pm. Come meet some other readers (or totally ignore everyone else, we don’t mind…)
We have 50 seats. What you get:
* Reduced price ticket 12.50GBP
* Exclusive Kim Noble badge!
* Access to his private webstuff
* And one lucky winner might even get a dead squirrel…
Victoria Beckham was at Holly House hospital this week with one son (probably Romeo) on crutches.
>> Designer stumble <<
Websites can never win
The Guardian’s new website redesign hasn’t been totally well received. The comments have been overwhelmingly negative – except for the Guardian-picked comments, which are, unsurprisingly positive.
A closer look suggests a lot of these were actually made by Guardian staff. Or, a little suspiciously, by people who had just signed up as commenters.
Tomorrow, it will be seven years since Jeremy Beadle died. We’re going to commemorate the date with a small finger buffet.
>> Celebrity Jazz Mags <<
Toon stars like Durham porn
Deano writes:
“When I worked at a newsagents in Durham City in the early nineties, Newcastle player Barry Venison used to come in and get twat mags on a Friday afternoon – before taking his missus to the Italian restaurant opposite.”
Katie Price, on Alex Reid’s arse: “I couldn’t put enough up there”.
>> Horsing around <<
Paris, why the long face?
Paris Hilton was asked what she’d like to be reincarnated as:
Her answer? “A hot girl.”
When it was suggested that that was a rubbish answer, as that was pretty much what she was now she agreed to give it a bit more thought.
“A horse,” was the new answer.
“But a horse that lives in a really nice house.”
The rumoured fee Keith Chegwin got for Celebrity Big Brother? Only 20K!
>> Greek Myths <<
Demis hides the sausage
Seanio writes:
“A female friend of mine was a young maid in a Sheffield hotel in the 70s. Sent up to clean a very important person’s room, she rings the doorbell – Demis Roussos. Wearing only a grin. Looking like Oddbod. She tried to see where his cock was. Body was so hairy, it was impossible to see.”
To celebrate Syriza’s victory:
Q/ What did Karl Marx call his horse?
A/ Trotsky
>> Hmmms <<
Jeff, Marine, Chips
Superbowl Sunday – everything you ever wanted to know about the singing of the National Anthem and why Whitney Houston beats Christina Aguilera:
http://bit.ly/1v9Abk1
Why Americans are still showing the love to good ole British celebrity sex offenders:
http://bit.ly/1wEr7h4
Liked Dancing Shoulders? Here’s Russian arses:
http://bit.ly/15Yk3Xf
Neil Hamburger’s done a movie. It looks great. It’s at Sundance:
http://bit.ly/1DjQ4n8
Want to take a Family Fortunes chip related survey:
http://svy.mk/1v9huwV
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Thanks: SG, JW, GA, DJ, bad horsey, SO, blahblahblahblah, geoffredman2, majorbloodnok, MW, CD,
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Old Jokes Home:
Q/ What’s long, hard and has cum in it?
A/ A cucumber.
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