Squelchy Shoes

Only a few days to go until the Trump-Kim summit in Singapore. While security around the Shangri-La Hotel has been huge in preparation for Donnie’s arrival (alongside a massive show of air-strength all week with fly-pasts from the Singapore air force) locals are not taking the whole thing terribly seriously.

Their main way of commemorating the summit? With a cocktail week. They’ve spent the last few days inventing two special cocktails which will be sold city-wide from Monday.

The one honouring North Korea is called ‘The Kim Rocket’.

He doesn’t leave the Daily Mail for another five months, but already the Paul Dacre stories are piling into our inbox. Our favourite so far?

Once in conference Dacre interrupted a journalist talking about the female fighter pilots who were going into Libya to ask, “What? Actually flying the planes? And shooting? Not just navigating? Or giving directions?”

The reporter informed him that, yes, the women would be flying fighter jets.

Dacre mulled this over for a hot second, before asking: “Won’t their tits get in the way of the steering?”

Which journo has been chancing his arm trying to get some PR freebies? Not flights, or fancy hotel rooms, or slap-up meals or anything like that. His request, simply (and rather pathetically), is for “a little sex”.

Paul Dacre is famous around Fleet Street for what have become known as his “double cuntings” – the extremely profane orders he barks at people who displease him. Who will continue to call the newsroom cunts in Dacre’s absence? Mail Online supremo Martin Clarke, most likely.

He’s been known to engage in the odd double cunting here and there too, on one memorable occasion screaming at a news editor who dared to suggest that Clarke was perhaps being a little unreasonable, “STOP TALKING FUCKING CUNTISH, YOU CUNT!”

Since the announcement of Paul Dacre’s upcoming retirement yesterday evening, the media world has been buzzing with guesses at who will be stepping up to take over the editor’s chair at the Mail.

Sources at the Mail’s parent company say the key factor is whether it’s Lord Rothermere (the owner) or Dacre himself (soon-to-be chairman) who is the driving force behind the appointment. Rothermere is keen to detoxify the brand as advertisers have been wobbling about the Mail’s recent tone, whereas Dacre will want someone to continue his work.

So who are the runners and riders?

* Tony Gallagher (Editor at the Sun)
The hot favourite among hacks, Gallagher has recently got close to Dacre and sees no long term future at the Sun.

* Gerard Greaves (Daily Mail deputy editor)
Seen as a bit of wimp internally, but his son is at Eton with Lord Rothermere’s son so could be Rothermere’s pick.

* Geordie Greig (Mail On Sunday editor)
Probably would have got it two years ago but his star has since faded as MoS sales have slumped.

* Chris Evans (Daily Telegraph editor)
A former Mail news editor and well thought of at Associated, but his bad rep with staff at Telegraph will count against him.

* Emma Tucker (Deputy Editor at the Times)
Would be a leftfield appointment to soften the brand. Tucker is seen as future editor material at News UK, so this would be a good reason to poach her – but would she move?

glossygirl writes:
“Many years ago, when he was still a controversial big name, Peter Stringfellow had just opened Angels after a planning fight with Westminster and I was sent to interview him one rainy afternoon at his apartment above the club.

“He took a while to appear and when he did it was in an enormous, fluffy, black dressing gown and nothing else. I know there was nothing else under the gown as during the course of the interview he slowly (and I’m sure deliberately) let the gown fall more and more open until I could see a good portion of his man-bush.

“A few days later, a lifetime VIP pass to the club arrived at the newspaper’s offices, hand signed by him in gold ink, with a very polite note saying how lovely it had been to meet me. I think I still have it somewhere, but I never used it.”

It’s always struck us as a great shame that Sharon Osbourne cleaned up her act to go mainstream. A woman who wasn’t afraid to piss in a Jack Daniels bottle or shit in a suitcase to get back at someone who had wronged her, her unique brand of anger management was something that we at Popbitch really admired.

So far, we’ve had no-one put in a claim for the job – but we’re told Samantha Morton might be in with a decent shout. Once, pissed off with the way she was being treated on set, she went to wardrobe, selected a pair of shoes from the rack and did a Sharon Osbourne in them.

Usually we have to wait until August for weird celebrity holiday stories like “Shane Richie Sues Thomas Cook For Making Him Queue For His Breakfast Eggs” but here we are being treated to it in early June.

In fairness to Richie though, it wasn’t just the morning egg queue that mugged him off. He was also mad that a DJ was playing drum and bass at the poolside all day, every day.

And you know if Shane Richie’s complaining about the music, things have to be bad. Why? Because Shane Richie once let the man who wrote 5,6,7,8 for Steps live in his basement.

In PR industry news, it appears that Mel B has just signed with CAN Associates. It’s a huge catch for CAN, who are used to repping more ITV2 friendly faces like Peter Andre, Katie Price and Kerry Katona – but will the agency be right for Mel?

On the plus side, CAN has extensive experience dealing with people who have continually tumultuous relationships (which no doubt stems from Claire Powell’s personal experiences: having set CAN up with a partner called Nigel, then roping in another partner called Neville so she could keep the CAN moniker).

The only drawback? People who get involved with CAN often end up parting ways acrimoniously (Katona), on the verge of bankruptcy (Price), or divorced (Neville himself). So good luck, Mel!

Everyone has had a good chuckle at the Love Island line-up this week, as the wider world learned that Danny Dyer named his daughter Dani Dyer.

If that sort of thing tickles you, there’s another programme that had an even better set. Those who watched A Very English Scandal will know Peter Bessell (Jeremy Thorpe’s right-hand man; portrayed by Alex Jennings).

In real life, Peter was married to Pauline – and their children were Paul and Paula.

The dating site for incels is here
[DateAnIncel]

“If Sterling had tattooed a massive cock on his leg I would say ‘It reminds me of Piers Morgan'” Big Nev is the greatest
[Read on The Guardian]

Jeff Goldblum performing Jurassic Park as a one-man show
[Watch on YouTube]

Tiny phonebox nightclub
[See on iNews]

In honour of Prince’s 60th, we revisit all those rumours about his ribs and where they came from
[Read on Popbitch]

How to write a perfect World Cup song
[Read on Prospect]

Deflating dogs
[See on Twitter]

Infuriating little browser puzzle
[Play on PuzzleScript]

Still Bored?
Bigger news from Singapore
[Read at Channel New Asia]