Stripping For Jacob Rees-Mogg

It might not be unusual to encounter celebs in posh London hotels, but the encounters themselves can still be pretty unusual.

One reader recently shared a lift with will-i-am. The journey got off to a fairly normal start, until he tried to say hello to the famed polymath. As he went to open his mouth, Will wordlessly turned on his heel to face the back of the lift, where he stared at the wall until they arrived at the floor he wanted.

When the doors opened, he turned back round (silently, not making any eye contact) and walked out.

Between sticking their dicks in dead pigs’ mouths and burning £20 notes in front of the homeless, we weren’t sure there was anything an Oxbridge Tory could do in their university days that would be more embarrassing.

Oh, how wrong we were.

Back in 1989, before his cab driving/prison days, John Worboys was hired as a stripper for a now-infamous cabaret night hosted by the Oxford University Conservative Association. Among those cheering on the Black Cab Rapist getting his cock and balls out?

Jacob Rees-Mogg.

[Read more on Cherwell]

Which primetime star has found a novel use for an out-of-commission phonebox? He gets his dealer to drop his coke off there, so they don’t have to do any business on the doorstep.

We knew he often cut the lunch line in Westminster. His habit of trying to travel in first class on a standard ticket is well documented too – but it seems George Osborne hasn’t changed his stripes since leaving office.

Thanks to Davos, there was a rather long pre-boarding queue at the gate for the Zurich to London flight on Thursday evening. Osborne managed to cut his way right to the front of it as soon as boarding commenced by wandering up to the person standing at the head of the priority boarding queue and throwing a chummy arm around their shoulder.

This ‘chum’ looked a little unsure about whether or not they actually knew him – but, before they could say anything, Osborne had swiftly moved on and started an argument with the check-in staff about the size of his carry-on.

As if it wasn’t enough having to contend with all the sexual harassment, Vice employees are now being confronted with the heady stench of death every day at their desks.

Vice’s London office has been hit with a rodent infestation in recent weeks. Pest control have been called in to lay down bait, but it seems that the poisoned mice have all chosen to retreat to a spot underneath the main office floor to die and decompose.

True to form, management has admitted that the smell is a problem, but they don’t seem to be doing a huge amount to actually fix it.

Ah, well. What’s a few more skeletons under the floorboards?

Myleene Klass has drawn some muted criticism from the other parents at her kids’ primary school, who are unimpressed with her habit of sending the nanny along to PTA events instead of attending them herself.

By contrast, Emma Bunton is considered to be a “real joiner-in” – and her other half, Jade from Damage, even DJ’d at the kids’ disco.

Anything to report back from your star-studded parents evening? hello@popbitch.com

Up until recently, it was extremely easy for the unethical tabloid hack to get dirt on a celebrity. Hack their phone. Raid their bins. Stage an elaborate meeting with a phony Arab businessman.

But now, in the post-Leveson landscape, they’re finding that the public doesn’t much care for these sorts of low, seedy tricks anymore. How can they continue to trade in juicy, scandalous stories, while still maintaining a vaguely ethical veneer?

They’re returning to an old tabloid favourite: the Clean Kill.

[Learn more on Popbitch]

The initial decision on Julian Assange’s appeal against his arrest warrant was bad news for him. It was worse news for the other residents of the Ecuadorian embassy, who’ve endured the deodorant-averse fugitive for five years. But perhaps the biggest loser? Julian’s cat.

Originally brought in as a companion for the alleged rapist, embassy staff say that Julian’s cat is looking “a bit neglected these days”.

The poor cat hasn’t even had a settled name. He started off as “Catstro”, then became “Michi” (Quechuan slang for cat, we think). He then went through an awful estranged period as just “Embassy Cat” and now seems to have ended up as “El Gato” (Spanish for cat, which is the same name as Corbyn’s kitty).

We don’t know exactly how the Royal line of succession works, but we think Kerry Katona might have just bumped herself up a few spots.

How? Prince William, through Pippa, is brother-in-law to James Matthews: the brother of Made In Chelsea star Spencer Matthews. Spencer has just announced his engagement to Irish model Vogue Williams, who was formerly married to Brian McFadden. McFadden, in turn, was formerly married to Katona and is the father of her two eldest children.

Admittedly, short of an extremely bloody uprising, she’s unlikely to be appearing on the stamps anytime soon, but she’s probably got a much better shot of getting invited to one of Her Maj’s garden parties.

Another week, another incredible Quincy Jones interview
[Read on Vulture]

A company in Potters Bar, missing billions in Ukraine – and a Eurovision connection
[Read at BBC]

“We underestimated our customer’s ability to see genitals in our baked goods”
[See on Facebook]

Nice interview with secret foodie Gary Lineker
[See on Foodism]

How Facebook is killing comedy
[Read on Splitsider]